SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was so depressed and felt so unloved. My WH never complimented me or any niceties while in his lust for his OW.

Since finding out we are separated with the intent of re uniting. I've used this time to find myself again and in the process changed my looks, lost weight, exercise and all sorts of things. I feel free and invigorated with my confidence going through the roof. I'm an empty nester but guys 15-20 years younger often flirt with me and now I sometimes see my WS as an old fuddy duddy.

His AP was 14 years younger than me, much fatter, and I could not believe she was not my age.

It's funny because all during his tryst I was never good enough. Now that I've finally found me the situation and my feelings for him have changed.

Who needs the housework, the cleaning, the whining, and all of that. Just as he is learning to be faithful the separation has made me rethink my role as a wife. He wants the old me back, but we had the funeral for the old me 6+ years ago.

He now realizes he had the total package to start with.....

While he was out cheating I still continued to grow...without and inspite of him.

GOD bless me to never be fat again and to never lose me!

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 7:45 PM, June 17th (Monday)]

Excellent! What a great story :)

Heck yes! The infidelity diet finally rid me of my baby weight (never mind the fact that my "baby" was 5 years old).

When it looked like WH was leaving for OW, I was forced to find myself again. I rediscovered old hobbies, set my house up the way I wanted it, ate cheerios for dinner instead of cooking unappreciated 3 course meals, became a yoga-holic and started shaving my legs and wearing heels again. I reconnected with friends and made new ones.

Of course, my shiny new self (which was really my shiny old self) made WH want to come crawling back.

I saw OW the other day (she lives in our neighbourhood) and she looked like hell on wheels--wearing a dress the exact shape and colour of a garbage bag with jesus sandals, topped off with a gigantic mustard yellow purse.

Heck yes! The infidelity diet finally rid me of my baby weight (never mind the fact that my "baby" was 5 years old).

When it looked like WH was leaving for OW, I was forced to find myself again. I rediscovered old hobbies, set my house up the way I wanted it, ate cheerios for dinner instead of cooking unappreciated 3 course meals, became a yoga-holic and started shaving my legs and wearing heels again. I reconnected with friends and made new ones.

Of course, my shiny new self (which was really my shiny old self) made WH want to come crawling back.

I saw OW the other day (she lives in our neighbourhood) and she looked like hell on wheels--wearing a dress the exact shape and colour of a garbage bag with jesus sandals, topped off with a gigantic mustard yellow purse.

Too funny! I've always wanted to spend time working on my body. I had c-sections which left my tummy totally wrecked, scared, and the muscle damage was pretty intense. We could afford a tummy tuck but in his eyes I wasn't good enough. Well after his mess came out and all money he spent dating his hoes, something clicked.I was furious!

He never wanted me to exercise and always sabotaged my diet. I started lifting weights to reshape my body and doing cardio like a mad woman. I even let my hair grow out.

I also dress differently, picked up my hobbies again,and look forward to trying new things.

On one occasion WS and I were out when we ran into some of his friends. They came from across the room to see the hot babe on his arm. It took them a minute to realize who I was, but they were drooling so hard ....priceless.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 9:32 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

What's really funny about the situation is my WS always thought I lived and totally enjoyed being domestic. I did it because- like most ladies- we love our families. He thought my world revolved around cooking and cleaning. Those days are gone. The kids are out and I can eat berries and nuts all day long without lifting a frying pan. No more interference when I want to ride my bike instead of eating or being a couch potato.

It's a new day!

He wants us to live together so much so he is working his ass off to make it happen.

But though I have forgiven him I will never forget the utter foolery and garbage I endured. I've come to realize you can only give a person as much of yourself/responsibility as they can handle.

Anyhow as one member has said "why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage."

Oh and I must add I did get the tuck! I saved my pennies and had the tuck without his knowledge!

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 9:47 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

Yes, but I actually took his advice. He always told me I was beautiful and never compared me to the OW - though I saw her and she is not attractive - but I didn't feel it. Now I dress for my shape and I have started toning by taking gym classes three times a week. I've also started working on loving myself more.

What's interesting is that we allowed ourselves to get out of shape in the first place. Mostly because we're busy taking care of spouses, children, the home, jobs etc, and we get our hearts stomped on...THEN we refocus on "ourselves". smh.

I realized during my short hiatus from my home last year, that I've really lost who I am all these years, and I'm having a helluva time trying to reconnect with myself.

I like you have come to realize that my feelings have changed toward my fWH as well. I now seem him as the flawed man that he is. He isn't nearly as strong as I always thought him to be, he really has unresolved issues from his childhood that I never knew existed.

BRAVO for you ifinallyfoundme.

Good timing for this topic.

I also transformed after DDay. MrKOKO left me for the 11 year younger TicK. She is beautiful on the outside (blackened heart on the inside) and dresses in super short skirts and high heels.

MrKOKO traveled a lot in our earlier years as he played music and was on tour. BTW the musician MrKOKO never dreamed of cheating. It was the business man MrKOKO that cheated. Because of his traveling I was a very independent person. If I wanted to do something I did it. If I wanted to go somewhere I went. I didn't care if it was on my own or with friends. I had a great job. I was queen of my world.

Then I became a mother. DS was a wonderful surprise to us after 13 years. I never planned to be a mom. Best thing ever though. I gave up my job to be a mom. My independence was gone. I do not regret it but I lost KOKO. I was overweight even though I worked out almost daily. I was not terribly overweight but I certainly carried some extra pounds.

Then DDay happened. KOKO did not measure up in MrKOKO's eyes compared to the shiny new cum-sucking TicK. He did not want me anymore. Wanted to run off to LaLaLand with his whorebag.

The infidelity diet started. I did start to take more time for my appearance. I started doing things for me again. Still had most of my long term friends rally around me. I found KOKO again after I lost her for so many years. Even when I was in the depths of despair I was able to fake it until I made it around MrKOKO. He finally saw the old me again. He actually made several comments to friends that he wished I had done things like that a long time ago.

All of this leads up to a conversation that we had a MC last week. I feel that MrKOKO's love for me is conditional. As long as I look a certain way, he wants me. I still struggle with those thought of his love being conditional and superficial. That still seems to be selfish on his end.

I did also say in that MC session that no matter what happens in our future, I will be okay. In R or if we ultimately D. We are working hard at R but our story is still being written. I know that I have found KOKO again. DDay forced me to find that strong woman that I know I always was. If things end up not working out for us, I know I can still strap on those sexy bitch boots and kick ass and live my life to the fullest. MrKOKO knows that now too. I hope that he is beside me as I am wearing those sexy bitch boots. He really likes them btw . I WILL be fine no matter what happens to me.

ETA: I also look at MrKOKO in a different way. I always thought he was such a strong person. Now I see him as weak. I know that R is not easy and not for the weak at heart but he has shown a side to him that I honest do not like. Luckily I can still see many other sides of him that make it worth the R effort.

[This message edited by keeponkeepingon at 10:01 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

Very inspiring!!! I lost and worked off my baby fat from the first 2 but the 2nd 2, not so much. I wasn't happy with myself when ws started his A. When I think back, I remember him sabotaging every attempt I made, not because he wanted me fat, but because he was selfish with his time. After my last baby, I joined a gym and when I was cleared (back to back c sect) to work out, I got up at 4am to go to the gym before ws left for work. That lasted 3 wks. I came back one morning and he was pissed cuz DD woke up and he had to make her a bottle : :shocked so I stopped going. Another time he got irritated when I started walking in the evenings with a neighbor. Makes me mad at myself for letting him bully me into giving up. Of course the first thing he said when we would get in an argument was how paranoid I was because I was insecure due to letting myself go :mad. I will never, ever, ever let that happen again. These stories are awesome!!!

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 10:21 AM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

Unlike most people here I did not lose a lot of weight due to the infidelity. 5 0r 10 lbs maybe at first, but they all came back.

I made up my mind I was not going to change because my H cheated. I tried to nag a little less and communicate better, but physically he could take me or leave me as I am. He chose to keep me.

How I looked was never the problem. He was.

I made up my mind I was not going to change because my H cheated.

How I looked was never the problem. He was.

Thank you hopefullromantic. I am sorry, but these kind of posts about being "fat" are hurtful to many, I am sure, and not just me.

I was one of those women who was very naturally thin, 5 foot 1, never over 115 pounds (usually 105#), unless I was pregnant and then losing baby weight.

Then, I became accidentally pregnant later in life and also became extremely ill at the same time. After the birth of our son, I battled thyroid cancer for many years and don't have a thyroid at all.

Thyroid medication does not function in the same way as a thyroid gland does. It is impossible for me to lose weight. I am stuck with these extra pounds regardless that I eat a very strict caloric intake and I worked out with a personal trainer for hours and hours every week.

GOD bless me to never be fat again and to never lose me!

I guess GOD told me "Fuck you!" .

I am sorry, but these kind of posts about being "fat" are hurtful to many, I am sure, and not just me.

SisterMilkshake, I could not agree more.

You really don't know who you hurt when posts like this are made. Not all of us are blessed with good genes and perfect bodies. And cheating has NOTHING TO DO WITH LOOKS - all you have to do is look at Sandra Bullock (quite possibly one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen) to know that.

ETA: Edited to remove a really snarky closing line. My point was made.

[This message edited by Fireball72 at 12:07 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

I didn't lose anything on the infidelity diet...Im an emotional eater..so I gained. I am trying to lose it now,but with stress,plus my chronic pain condition,it's not easy.

Of course,it doesn't help that the 3 OW my WH tried to hook up with were all young(20-ish) and very thin..he told a few they had a "beautiful body." Of course,he tells me my body is beautiful too..now...that he has been caught. Too late. i know what he wants..and it's not a big girl. Im not really big,but I am about 20lbs heavier than I should be. Maybe if I had been thin,he might now have tried fucking these young girls? I know..I know..nothing to do with me...yet clearly other people think "fat" is ugly too.

SMS... I think God told me "Fuck you!" too.

[This message edited by confused615 at 12:13 PM, June 18th (Tuesday)]

None of it---not a single bit of it---has anything to do with looks, weight, or anything to which you are attributing infidelity.

The "God bless I never am fat again" is worrisome to me.

Certainly, do what feels best to you. Be the person YOU want to be.

But don't EVER make the mistake of thinking that it has a single thing to do with your partner's decision to cheat.

OP, this is inspiring! Way to go!

Mrs.KOKO, I suspect your H's attraction to you is not contingent on your physical looks so much as your confidence and strength. Weakness is attracted to strength. I think that is the real secret of these personal makeovers - - that the person feels stronger and more confident and vibrant.

Posters on the heavier or more voluptuous side, I repeat my comment about strength and vitality, not pounds! Also, in my observation, almost all women value and desire thinness whereas many men (not all but way, way more than we women assume) prefer a curvier form. :)

As for me, it is the worst of both worlds. I am normal BMI but past pregnancy hernia (and having a 10 pound baby with my 5'3 frame) and severe dystasis mean I always look a few months pregnant unless I am very careful about my posture. I am working with trainer etc but seriously if another baby does not work out I am going for the tuck!

Sister,

I feel your pain. I used to eat very well and weighed 105-115 at 5'5". I gained 60 pounds with my son, but was down 50 pounds 3 days after I had him and lost down to 104-110 for 10 more years. In my late 30's, I got a thyroid disease and gained 75 pounds in 2 months. I have been on a constant diet and exercise routine since and have gained even more. Comments about fat hurt because my hubby makes many comments about my problem. I eat about 800-1000 calories a day and can't loose below 250 pounds.

Yeah...some men do prefer a curvier form...my WH will tell me how much he loves my body(now).

But the girls he wanted when he didn't think I would find out? All of them were very thin..and he told them their bodies were "beautiful."

So my mind may tell me my weight has nothing to do with it...but my heart (and eyes) tell me something else.

When I found out I started getting up in the morning and walking just to walk off the mad I'd wake up with everyday. I lost 20 pounds between May and August then started school and gained it all back.

Until then, I thought I was stuck at my weight because of my no-thyroid mess of a self.

I figure when I have time I'll work on FEELING better not looking better and then I'll be happy with that.

I also have thyroid eye disease and look freaky so I'm pretty much beyond worrying about how I look.

I did cut my hair though :) Felt good after keeping it long the way he liked. Now its at a length *I* like.

Until then, I thought I was stuck at my weight because of my no-thyroid mess of a self.

I don't think, I know I am. Yes, I lost a few pounds (10# ?) whilst doing grueling workouts for at least 8 hours a week. For over a year. Lost 10#'s. Firmer and more muscle, but still the weight is there. Walking many miles a day did nothing for me either, except build my stamina.

Confused, it is so hard to know what was at work for your spouse. Did he want something new? Was it the social status and self-esteem boost he felt he was getting from these "young, thin, beautiful" women? Certainly thin bodies can be beautiful but they aren't the only beautiful bodies out there.

I work on a college campus and a very young woman can dress in rags, not brush her hair for a week, and look beautiful. It is the age! But we can't be that age forever. I suspect what your WH found so compelling was the fantasy and the return to youth and the boost to his self esteem. The thin bodies were likely secondary to all of that.

I do hear you. My H is recovering from a massive porn problem. I am petite on top and all I can think of sometimes are those endless boobs. And of course those women are virtually all younger, thinner, and hotter than me. Otherwise they would not be in those movies! But at the end of the day, I know there are compelling and wise and beautiful parts of me that all the enormous triple D, twenty-something breasts in the world can't touch. I mean, honestly, I don't consider women who consort with cheaters and harm families, strip and prostitute themselves, etc to be on the same playing field as me. Neither does my H for that matter, he was just stupid and weak and in my case addicted.