SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

D-day + 19

Weight -2, -20lbs total. My abs are starting to show up again.

20 lbs in 19 days is not good. I need to start eating again

She comes home today. Not much else to post today about us.

I have such a hard time reading other stories. I sometimes wonder if there is even a chance for marriage to go for a long time without affairs. And what is wrong with that i never wanted one.

I have such a hard time reading other stories.

I know, so do I. They're so tragic. And the WS's who don't realize what they've risked or lost, I just can't see that.

I sometimes wonder if there is even a chance for a marriage to go for a long time without affairs.

I do think that there is, with clear, open, and honest communication. I do hope that I am right.

And what is wrong with that i never wanted one.

Absolutely nothing. Like you, I never wanted one, either. Like you, I loved my WS with all my heart and soul.

Unlike you, mine doesn't seem to ever consider wanting to R...

Its quite common for a WS to claim that sex only took place once and a condom was used. The truth if often wildly different, but the truth is much harder to get at unless you talk to the OM and see if stories match.

So your WW trots out her version of events for reasons of damage control, and justifies her lies by thinking that TT'ing helps you get over her adultery that much faster; which I suppose is it can.

I would tell her you don't believe her and you think that a 7 week affair would have more sex and that condoms probably were not used. Thats the problem with WS lying; it leaves the BS with the freedom to believe the worst if they wish and there is nothing the WS can do about it. The irony of it; the cheaters can actually be telling the truth, but they are still lying because we realize we can't believe a word they say. Condemned by the history of their deceit.

She is rugsweeping. I have proof.

I don't know the reason though. To protect me? To protect her from being thought of as slutty? To protect the relationship with om? I just don't know yet.

.....

Fucking cheaters ..... Ugh...

It could be she is protecting her image as a wife and mother, which has been recently severely damaged. After all if you are cheating on the relationship and the marriage, then you have to be damaging the children's interests. That makes them feel guilty so they try and clean up the sordid affair so as to improve their image.

For example, It was only once; we used a condom, and I didn't orgasm. In fact I hated what we were doing and stopped it after a few seconds. Typical wayward mantra. If they went back for seconds and thirds it makes it much more difficult to minimize.

The other reason for damage control is to make it easier to reconcile from a WW perspective. The less of an impact of sexual betrayal, the less painful the mind movies and the smoother the recovery process. In theory anyway.

D-day + 22

Weight loss total 21 lbs

Sleep last night - none

We had mc last night. It was a disaster. I needed her story, all of it. At first I told my ww that I wasn't ready for details but I would want then eventually. Last week before she left on her trip I asked for a timeline. Before she came back I had ic and we talked about how I needed the story. He said he would help me with that. So I waited for yesterday's mc to get the story. HE NEVER HE EVEN BROUGHT IT UP! We talked about all the things I did to have her lose the emotional connection with me. Total bullshit! Next mc I'm calling him out on it.

So last night I told her how I felt about the mc that day and that I needed her story, all of it. After a couple of false starts and me telling when I knew she was hiding something. And that I needed everything no matter how painful. She finally spilled ... Everything. I believe the story now.

Some of the things she said were very painful. Some of the things were much milder than my imagination. She loved him. And the love grew very quickly.

Overall I now know. The a is over. He is the only.

I'm not giving everything that was said. But I truly feel I have it all and there is nothing else out there ready to hurt me.

Now I need to deal with what I know.

I have not worn a ring since d-day. She asked me when I would wear it again. I said I don't know when or if I would.

I didn't sleep at all last night. We hugged this morning before I left for work. I turned on the var as I walked out.

D-day +23

I slept last night. Yay

One thing that struck me from our talk is that she didn't fear me catching her all. She felt completely safe in her affair. She knew when I would be gone for work. Knew that I didn't check her phone or email. Knew my calling pattern. She didn't think about hurting me or what would happen if caught because that wouldn't happen. Of course I did catch her. And that was the first time she thought of what it would do to me.

It was her fun on the road to combat boring business trips. She didn't consider the consequences.

She is devastated now of course. And loathes herself for what she did to me and our family. The affair was 7 weeks. If it had gone longer before I caught her I wonder if there would be a chance to recover.

D-day +24

I had a panic atk at work yesterday. Couldn't breath couldn't think. I called her. She didn't help much. She doesn't know why I do this to myself. As if I wanted to think of her and him.

In still a little shaky 12 hours after the atk. She wants to forget and move on. I don't think that's possible.

Since the talk she has seemed a little distant. She doesn't directly deny it but says she has been busy.

My daughter has the day off school. I'm taking the car with me today to listen to the past 2 days.

Next week we have simultaneous business trips. She goes to Boston. I go to Nebraska.

This shit is too hard.

Oh god! I caught something on the var!

Oh god I think it's over for us.

((Mikeinaa))

((((Mikeinaa))))

At 38 you are not old..

I was the main or sole breadwinner for all of our marriage.. 40 year marriage..

I never made a 6 figure income, but some years, before taxes, I came pretty close..

I am 58..With divorce, I am looking at a retirement that is rewritten to be no retirement at all for me..Go me, lol..

I retired last year due to health reasons which made it difficult for me to work full time..I have been living off my pension.. I was fortunate in that I had enough years and service in my company to earn and be paid a full pension..

Due to the WH's shitty choices and attitude in the aftermath of D -day, I no longer want him, love him or respect him..

The only way I am able to live off of my pension and not work outside the home is because our house is paid for.... I don't have the cost of housing to worry about.

To physically separate would mean I have to un retire so that I could afford my own small place..

So I am trying to get back on my feet health wise..

I want to rebuild some kind of new life that is sustainable enough for me, so that I can look forward to something out of each new day that comes..

I think that cheating ruins lives..In the aftermath of infidelity the game changes..

One literally/figuratively cannot afford to rug sweep/waste time in false R..Or you end up in a predicament like mine, in which you may feel stuck for a while

Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity cannot involve blind trust..

It is very appropriate that you protect yourself legally and financially..

Should a marriage break up, it is a little easier to move towards emotional recovery, if one isn't also having to deal with simultaneous problems/crisis in getting physical needs met..Like food, shelter, time to breathe/rest...

[This message edited by doggiediva at 8:03 AM, November 26th (Wednesday)]

Oh god! I caught something on the var!

Oh god I think it's over for us.

Calm down!!! Do not confront yet. Unless what you found out is time sensitive?

Can you share here what you heard?

I echo toby..

At some point today or in the next few days, when you have access, you will need to retrieve the VAR/info and store this info in a safe place...

This will require you being calm..

That explains her recent distance clearly.

Very sorry.

Don't disappear at this time . People want to support you

Mike, what did you hear on the VAR.

And if possible, try not to confront yet, unless you need to.

The only way for your panic attacks to stop is for you to gain control. Panic attacks are usually caused by fear of the unknown.

And the unknown here is the fact your wife keeps lying to you, the fact you don't know what to believe from her.

This is shock. You need to gain control of this entire situation. You need to be in control. Stop letting your wife be the one in control.

Have you talked to a lawyer yet? Knowledge is a way to gain control.

STOP letting your wife control your life, the situation, the marriage and your nerves. Stop allowing her to hurt you.

BS here. Mike, calm your breathing. You deserve the strength and comfort of being in control of your situation. What did you find?

You have a support network here for whenever you need to talk. Hang in there!

Hows it going, brother? What's happened?

The main thing I heard. I overreacted on. She wasn't talking to him.

Two other things are still questionable. I need more evidence to convict or pardon.

Var goes back on Monday. She leaves Tuesday. I leave Wednesday. We both get home Friday.

What did you hear?