SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Mine said he thought he was hoping he could just end it without me ever knowing....Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off not knowing. Although, I found something that made me suspicious, there was no hard evidence. I accepted his first explanation. Within a week he told me the truth.

Mine definitely would have attempted to. He swore up and down that absolutely nothing was going on with anybody, even when he knew I was hot on his trail putting my clues together. It wasn't until he knew I had solid proof in my hand that he admitted it.

Absolutely YES! My STBXH only admitted to any A, after six months of gaslighting last year when I suspected an A. He then gaslighted me on that one for six months. Then, admitted that yes it was a PA and he had another A the year prior. Then after 3 more months, he confessed to an A from 16 years ago, when we were 'only engaged' but claims that the PA ended after we were married, but yet this OW was a 'good friend' throughout most of our marriage. So hell ya.

[This message edited by reality247 at 9:57 PM, May 8th (Thursday)]

Oh hell yeah ....my H would have NEVER told me if I hadn't caught him .....he wasn't counting on THAT !

Mine intended to take it to the grave. No doubt about it.

My FWH (SA) has openly admitted to me that had I not found out on my own he would NEVER have told me. EVER.

Thanks to all for sharing their thoughts, reminding me I am not alone and not crazy : )

But he'd rather me go to the grave thinking I am crazy and he never cheated than ever admit he did more than "treat me poorly and give other women better attention."

That's from my profile, yes, he's taking it to the grave.

He told me one time after I asked him if he ever would have told me if I had not found out and He said that he would never have told me and I quote,"No harm. No foul."

I hate that saying!

2bs

My Wh would have, he had a 4 year long affair that ended 15 years ago that I never knew about. Then he started talking obsessively on the phone with the same OW two years ago. I called her current BH and found out everything about the first A.

And WH says I'm the one he can't get over the past...

I'm sure mine would have thought she would take it to the grave... But guess what? Life has a strange way of coming back to bite you in the ass! I firmly believe what yu do comes back to you.. Good or Bad, and have actually seen this happen! So this is life biting her in the ass! I sold the big house! I sold the hummer! I moved my assets(i.e. gold )into my brother's name. I re wrote my will where the kids get my stuff not her! I'm still with her, and hope this works out.. but the way I see it she has desreved nothing good that I have given her or done for her in the last 10 years! I'll try to keep the marriage going, but it's more about ME now!

My h actually said, "I was going to take this to my grave".

He only told me b/c someone was flirting with me and he felt threatened. I believe he wanted to put me "in my place".

My WH would have taken it (& any others) to the grave but someone told me. He doesn’t feel guilt like so many do because he is proficient at blame shifting. He rarely says anything personal much less in anger.

WS would have definitely taken it to his grave if he could have gotten away with it. I do have one friend whose WS actually confessed when he didn't have to.

Mine confessed. I am not certain why and there are many unanswered questions, although many have been answered.

He said he thought he would not stop if he did not tell me and we did not work together on our marriage. Prior to the confession he was still saying we had the perfect marriage. His complaints were so silly, he really had to admit that it was his selfishness and he was looking for ways to make our marriage seem worse.

The night he confessed the Ow got angry because she wanted to talk about his divorcing me and being with her. He ignored her and so she started loudly telling everyone at the bar, that they were having an affair. Like they didnt already know. I knew some of these people and maybe he thought if he did not tell me she or someone else would.

But later, recently, he confessed to more and that I would not have found out about.

Oddly, he is still lying about some of the details. I guess he is just overwhelmed. He is a compartmentalizer and always was so shocked when he found out that someone we knew had an affair. I dont think he really truly believes he did it sometimes. so keeping some things locked away is how he copes with his guilt.

I will not stay if he does not tell me everything. But am giving him a little down time.

We will see

My ex will never admit he did anything...he will take it to the grave. What a POS.

That is the one thing I am sure of. The fact that he is a chronic liar who simply can not be honest, well that's what he does.

Incidentally, if he EVER got honest about anything voluntarily, that would be the point at which I would exhale because there might be some hope.

Some people are, IMO, too broken to tell the truth and unless they are very diligent, they will never get it.

My wife would have kept it to the grave. I would have preffered it if she could have to be honest.

Don't get me wrong, if you suspect your spouse of foul play, I then believe they should come clean. My wife knew I was on to her, but chose to duck and dive. This did her no favours in regaining my trust.

(I think spilling the beans is done to try free the guilt. This in my mind is a selfish act. I know if it were me the guilt will drive me insane, but it would be mine to deal with.)

Just about. Here is what I got on D day "I always thought I would you tell on my death bed". I think if I had asked him straight out he would have denied it. I had to catch him.

My WH is such a secretive rat...he absolutely would take it to his grave.

I know mine would have taken it to the grave...has said so! Now he says that this betrayal is something that he will think of on his "death bed" with the most profound regret!