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uncertainfuture ( member #16332) posted at 3:08 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
Angelstar5, after reading this I have to think that your WH is not really trying to R. It's so wildly insensitive.
Me: BH
Her: WW
Married since 2000
Date of A: 4/07 - 7/07
D/Day: 9/21/07
Trying to R but having a VERY hard time being married to her still.
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 3:18 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
I'm in the "your husband's not doing a darn thing to R" camp.
That said, you're not ready to move on, so I'd suggest that you at least refrain from discussing sexual fantasies at this stage of (non)R.
Until he's ready to start doing the work, you can at least avoid things that are sure to do nothing much more than add to your pain.
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
Luv2Fleamarket ( new member #36539) posted at 3:41 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
Would you like to borrow my stun gun? Next time you are in bed *discussing*, you could break it out, stun him in the balls, and then say, "here's your threesome MF-er".
OK..maybe I am feeling a bit too aggressive. 
BW 48
WH 53
HW was a skanky bleached blonde, white trash, money hungry, piece of ass neighbor who actively pursued him for over 2 years.
DD June 15, 1012
Currently in counseling trying to R
Children 30, 29, 24, 21
zaci ( member #36138) posted at 5:32 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
If he brings it up again, I might have to tell him my fantasy is meeting Lorena Bobbitt and asking her how exactly was it she got off with a slap on the wrist..i need to refresh my memory.
ETA: Okay, obviously I don't know how to properly use the quote function on here. sorry 
[This message edited by zaci at 11:34 AM, August 20th (Monday)]
ME : BS 35
HIM : WH 49
MARRIED 7YRS TOGETHER 12 YRS
3 KIDS AGED 6,3&9 mo.
DDAY: JUNE 2012 (he confessed to 1xPA with some hoebag extraordinaire who lived next to the house he was roofing LAST SUMMER when i was 7 mo preggs).
BeenThereDunThat ( member #134) posted at 7:52 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
Ugh. With that many D-Days to his credit, I'm not surprised at all.
I'd let HIM know that my real life fantasy - which I'd make SURE to become reality - would be a big, fat, juicy divorce from him.
[This message edited by BeenThereDunThat at 1:53 PM, August 20th (Monday)]
~BeenThereDunThat~
"....I could have missed the pain - but I'd have had to miss the dance..."
DrivingPast ( member #32984) posted at 7:59 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
Part of me is thinking its a 'normal' male fantasy but then again...... I think your (and my) husband went beyond normal male fantasies. They ACTED THEM OUT. And I think that statement would trigger the HELL out of me, particularly with a wh who frequented prostitutes whom you can pay to indulge that fantasy.
Im pretty angry that he dared say that. In fact, I think he should be trying to get his mindset and sexual thinking straight, and that would mean no more fantasies about other women period! 
BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."
painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 8:13 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
and that would mean no more fantasies about other women period!
I wish that was possible, and it is the one thing that just makes me want to fucking give up sometimes.
Unfortunately, maybe I'm wrong, but my understanding is that all men are turned on by, and fantasize about fucking other women.
Guys, if I'm wrong, please straighten me out.
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
Tred ( member #34086) posted at 8:22 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
PPGA,
Slight thread jack:
Unfortunately, maybe I'm wrong, but my understanding is that all men are turned on by, and fantasize about fucking other women.
Guys, if I'm wrong, please straighten me out.
Guys, stay away from answering this - it's a trap! It's right up there with answering how those jeans look on them.
/tj
Back to the OP - her husband is an ass. I think you need to be in an environment of total comfort when discussing fantasies involving partners outside of your marriage. My WW and I had these discussions a long time ago, and both of us concurred that we couldn't stand the thought of knowing the other was with someone else. Turns out we should have discussed "whether or not the other partner is aware that you are having sex with others" as well, because apparently I wasn't clear on that point.
Married: 28 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
Snapdragon ( member #4286) posted at 8:31 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
I think the fantasy is that he could handle two women at once! Gawd.... Speaking for my ex, the whole thing would e over in 30 seconds and he'd be left with two unsatisfied women - not just the usual one. But in his delusional mind he was a major studmuffin. Oh yea! 
Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink
StillGoing ( member #28571) posted at 8:33 PM on Monday, August 20th, 2012
I wish that was possible, and it is the one thing that just makes me want to fucking give up sometimes.
Unfortunately, maybe I'm wrong, but my understanding is that all men are turned on by, and fantasize about fucking other women.
Guys, if I'm wrong, please straighten me out.
I'm a weird dude but when I have fantasies involving other women then there has to be this elaborate lead-in that involves a rational and acceptable reason, and by that time either my meds have kicked in and I'm asleep dreaming about playmobil zombies come to life and saving the day from time-travelling stegosauri bent on conquering NJ for the greater glory of the Jurassic or it gets to a convoluted place where it's just not going to work and I give up.
At this point in my life a threesome with 2 women just sounds awkward unless there was copious amounts of alcohol involved, and then it sounds like a disappointment for everyone involved. I mean if my wife and a female friend of hers appeared randomly and initiated sexual combat I'd probably roll for initiative.
Yes, I take crazy pills.
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