SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I read this post hoping I'd get some suggestions to help me. My ex was going places with her and the kids, long before we divorced. Now, they are engaged! My kids are struggling. they say things that allude to the fact that they still hope for mom, dad and them together again. I kow that cant happen and I'm not sure how to comfort them. So far, the OW has stayed far from me. But i know the time is coming when I will have to face her at a public event. I think sitting with a group of friends could help- and the knowledge that they dont really have any as everyone knows what they did. I don't know if there's something mental to put in my head? I often think that when I have a partner, it will be better- but i dont want to find a partner for that reason, nor do i think I'm ready for that-I'm finding the self i lost. But they will get married and they will be together and I need to face it. They have already taken my kids on trips that I hear about after.

I did because I had to; I didn't have a choice where anyone said - this isn't right, it's gross and legally we can do something about it. Let's stand up and say no more OP's around the kids!!!

Unfortunately - infidelity isn't a crime and having an OP around the kids isn't either unless that OP is a total piece of shit and even then, they have to be REALLY bad for them not to be allowed around the kids.

If you're lucky, OP will be decent to the children and while you may seethe at the idea, the kids WILL be okay. They may not love, but I can only imagine how much worse it is when an OP is shitty to the kids.

My kids don't love her, don't really even care for her (and I suspect the feeling is mutual), but apparently they've all managed to deal with the situation, so for that I'm grateful. They all tolerate and do have some good times so I have to say that's alright.

Once again, it all takes time. You get used to it. You don't ever like the idea, but it's probably not gonna change so be thankful it's not a shitstorm everytime the kids are with dad.

Do know that even through the dazzle of outings and gifts or trips or whatever, the kids DO know who mom or dad is; OP doesn't replace you.

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 8:49 PM, May 9th (Thursday)]

my kids are older and can make their own choices

Lucky for me, they want nothing to do with OW

WH is living with OW, therefore he hardly sees the kids

WH has seen DS once since New years eve 2011, and now DS has a baby of his own that WH hasnt seen, DS says he wont either

DD still lives at home and sees her dad when he would visit (WH spent his entire relationship with OW going back and forth between us both) But it has been 7 weeks now (told WH that i dont want to see him anymore as long as OW is a part of his life)

DD sent OW a nasty msg on FB regarding a pic OW posted of WH and OW's son (i posted a thread on this) and during a phone call where DD called OW's house for her dad, OW asked when she was going to come out for a weekend, DD told her NEVER, has also told her to not call here to the house when WH is here, that she should call his cell

I dont think i will have to deal with OW having a good relationship with my kids if WH decides to stay with her (even though he is living with her, he is fence sitting, telling me he loves me and is coming back )

Good luck to all of you who have young children and have to deal with them spending time with OW, my heart goes out to you all

I absolutely HATE it! In my case (she was our neighbor)she befriended my dd6.She acted like she was her friend and all the while she was turning her world upside down! What woman w children does that??? Trash attracts trash and they deserve each other.My dd knows the truth and one day she will be able to speak her mind and I certainly wont stop her.THAT stupid slut doesnt deserve any time with MY DAUGHTER!

I did not have a choice.

She still tries to email me with nasty-grams but I have her email filtered to the trash can.

Her phone number is also on block list.

you've heard a lot of good words here, but i'll add a few anyway.

it's just another layer in this shit club sandwich we have to eat. it sucks. the only choice we have is the one that's best for the kiddos and that's to suck it up. excuse my fervor, but it's fucked and ten-fucking-thousand times unfair.

they will never place her even close to mommy on their pedestals.

this ^^^^^ carry it in your heart, in your soul and use it to pour even more mommy love on your babies. it will get better.

DaddyTryingToCope:

It sucks really bad but I just try to not think about it. Now he even attends functions like soccer games, band recitals, etc. I just show up on my own and speak to the other parents there. Most of them know those two have a cheating history now so they don't usually talk to anyone. It still sucks all the same.

stbxwh couldn't wait to start bringing ow to all the kids functions and my children are ALL active in sports. Anyway, since he chose to bring ow out in public, then I decided it was my right to tell everybody exactly who she was. stbxwh told me he didn't like "everyone knowing" his "private life" and I told him it stopped being "private" the minute he brought her to public events. And, there is no way I was going to have people speculating on what was going on, so I told everyone who even looked like they might have questions. I never called ow by name nor did I call her any names, but they all knew what she was. The result is that the friendships I built over the years surrounded me and stbxwh and ow are left on the outskirts. Some of the dads will talk to stbxwh, but none of the women give ow the time of day. Suddenly, coming to the kids events isn't as much fun for her, so she chooses to stay home more often than she used to. Mission accomplished.