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DefiledRage: does that mean I should assume my WH hasn't deleted the pics? He told me he would, but he hasn't gone transparent.

To be honest, I don't want to require it just yet because then I would need to be transparent too. I need this place (SI) to be private.

I'm a prude too, then. All of the OW sent junk pics to my WH - he responded with underwear pics.

How does one even ask for these without feeling like a total slime ball? Are they just freely offered? It's just...weird. OW2 and 3 were coworkers - subordinates, actually.

I'm embarrassed because I sent my WH a shot with cleavage while he was in affair 2 and 3. Thought I was being naughty. Compared to the other things he was being sent at the time, I'm sure it was not impressive. Ugh.

I'm in early 40's and consider myself 'down' with a lot...junk pics? No way. I don't want to receive and I certainly don't send. Like leave some shit to the imagination.

Not to even mention the thought of that shit getting passed around!!!

I don't get it either. I guess my wife sent him whatever he wanted (and they were forensic level at times) so he would "pick her" over all the other women on Ashley Madison. But hey, I'm sure he promised her that he wouldn't show anyone else, or keep the pics and vids, or record the Skype sexting sessions. She trusted some stranger she had never met more than she trusted the man who vowed to love, honor, cherish, and protect her. So now they are out there in the interwebs forever, owned by some bastard who probably still pulls them out time to time to look at his trophies. He liked to add certain pictures to his collection (one that he took of her himself in particular).

Purple, it's hard to say whether or not your H has deleted the pics. I don't think every guy would keep them, it's probably a function of how much he wants to keep his wife and how much he thinks he can get away with. But Defiled is right, there are a lot of men who collect trophies - like a hunter with all the deer heads on the wall, just not as proudly displayed. My wife's AP is that type. It's a game to them, just to see how many notches on the belt they can get. I've worked with guys (single ones) who would brag about how many women sent their nude pics to them. Hell, there are tons of websites that specialize in guys uploading pics of girls they meet on the web and record their cam sessions or got them to send nude pics.

Once you send that first nude, that dude owns you. That's what I don't get - how can you give someone that much power over you? First, you know they are a cheater, and they are at a minimum a liar (because they are cheating on their spouse) and you give them that much trust? I'll never understand it.

I had the pleasure of finding the video my wh made with his AP/employee. At the time I had contemplated sending copies to their employer but I didn't need him loosing his job and him not being able to support his children.

With the rising costs of healthcare we have to become each others gyno and prostate examiners.

Sorry. That just popped into my head. Yes, its time to call it a night and go to sleep

I hate to tell you guys this but, check out your local Backpage & Craigslist ads under escorts. They were two of my SAWH's favorite hook up sites. You will be freaking AMAZED! They have no shame! I work at an MD office & am trying to prepare myself for when I see one of this people in person. It's just a matter of time.

After two and a half years of recon, I just found some pics on our lap top that were pretty yucky. No faces, but pics of her privates alole, with his willy laying on her, and with his willy in her. I about threw up, and in fact, did, after about a half quart of vodka to help me get those images out of my mind. They were just in some hidden files on an old laptop. He was shocked that they were there.

Affairs are all about no boundaries, so I guess that is why the pics are there. I would never let anyone take a pic of my "vajinga", lord knows there is nothing pretty about those nether regions.

I think when an affair happens, they really are just like teen-agers. No boundaries, no nothin. UGH.

Purple:

does that mean I should assume my WH hasn't deleted the pics?

Let me preface my thoughts with I'm going to be biased, my view of WS's at this time isn't going to give them much credit when it comes to doing the right thing. Maybe a WS here on SI with experience in this would have a different view.

Tred is right it would be hard to say because each relationship is different. All I can speak about is mine. From what I know my wife was/is a complete trophy to him. Shes beautiful, smart, and highly successful in her field. She was a person with power to be conquered, he at least was sexing up the food chain. He's been accused at least twice before of having an A (looking for more trophies). He begged and begged and begged for her to send a picture. After putting so much time into it he's not just going to turn around and delete them. Maybe the first time he got nervous and deleted them. But then he begged for months to get her to do it again. Those I'm almost 100% positive he would have found a way to keep a copy somewhere his wife couldn't get to.

If your WH shows TRUE remorse I would say they were gone, at that point it would be to painful to ever look at again. If he's not remorseful but at least disgusted with his actions and dedicated to R I'd say the chances they are gone would be fairly good. But if he's at those stages are things only you can decide.

**************EDIT***********

Changed my mind, until he lets you look through everything to make sure he deleted them or actually deletes them in front of you, he still has them. "I'll get to that" means not until you absolutely force me too. Transparency on your part doesn't matter, you've done nothing wrong, don't let him project his guilt onto you. Get the proof!

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 2:00 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

Yep my WH was on those sleazy site complete with face, body and genital photos. He even shaved himself and tried to say it was for me.

He has been off the internet since Feb 2011 and yesterday I googled his user name and still found two sites with his profile and pics.

He even shaved himself and tried to say it was for me.

Well, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who heard this one

I don't get it, really. The thought skeeves me out.

WH and his OW sent each other junk pics.

The day before DDay as a matter of fact, WH sent one to OW. She said thanks for the pic and that it looked yummy

God knows why but, I asked the wife if she'd ever sent/received pics like that- "not while we've been together- why?"

She also used to ask for pics of me years ago before marriage. I never did though- I'd be too embarrassed!! I just remembered that- eurgh.

I told I'm glad I have that pic of his junk now. If he ever goes missing that is the pic I'll use on the missing posters because he acted just like a dick! ( I know mean- sometimes i have to be, I have to laugh so I won't cry).

If he ever goes missing that is the pic I'll use on the missing posters because he acted just like a dick!

Priceless!

I think it's vile.

I had the other OW text me a picture on my man's junk as proof of their relationship. I had the satisfaction of telling her he even text her like a hooker, he had more respect for me than to text me that crap. Which was true, and she was a retired hooker it turned out.

I was totally disgusted when I found the pics my H had sent to 2 of his coworkers. One of them became OW4 3 months later. He sent her 4 pics in one email with the caption "Here's your meat, Ma'am. Enjoy". All while I still thought we were happily married.

I'm not disgusted by the actual pictures as much as I'm disgusted about the fact that he took them on my couch with the underwear that I bought him around his knees. Where exactly was his conscience when he was snapping all of those pics? Were the boys and I down the hall sleeping when he took them?

The Apocalypse is upon us.

In my head, there's a line, a 'them' and an 'us'. People who take photos of their genitals are definitely on the 'them' side, I just simply cannot relate.

Years and years ago, when the internet was in its infancy (yes, I'm a computer nerd), a guy on a chat asked if he could send his pic (that was the etiquette back then); I said yes, then was horrified to see a large penis being painted on the screen pixel by pixel (slow internet) Eeeewww, I thought, and killed the session without a single word - he wasn't even worth berating. In my mind, he was scum.

Dh (not the exh who brought me to this site) have texted pictures to each other.

When on an online dating/craigslist community, it is surprisingly common. For two reasons: one is that anyone can edit their photos to make their face look like a super model and the boobs/vag/dick pics make the person "prove" it so to speak. Two is for sexting/cyber sex purposes.

It is very gross, my fiance sent out his dick pic to lord knows how many other women when he was cyber cheating/texting people. It really grosses me out because who knows where those might end up?

I met my fiance online and we did NOT exchange pics like that before being in a serious relationship (well what I thought was serious anyhow). But when I was on the site we met on, I had multiple men send me those kinds of emails and ask me to send pics of "the goods" back. I didn't, thankfully.