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RidingHealingRd ( member #33867) posted at 2:57 AM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013
she wants to fix herself and never cheat again, even if I divorce her over this.
My WH said much the same thing. When the affair was revealed he asked for a 2nd chance, begged me to at least try, suggested counseling. He told me that he was going to change. He hated who he had become and he was going to change whether I stayed with him or not.
The last part is what gave me a sense of hope; I actually believed him.
2.5yrs later I can tell you that he did mean what he said, he has become a better H, father, human being.
It is possible...there is hope.
ME: 60 BS
HIM: 67 WH
Married: 35 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 10 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Ibrokehisheart ( new member #37780) posted at 6:41 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
Thank you for the insight this helps a lot to understand my BH.
BH:37
WW:32
Married: 13 years, together for 15
D-DAY: May 14,2012
My D-Day: May 10,2012(the day OM told his W)
2 Children: 10 and 8
Life is an everyday struggle, it is how you choose to react to every situation that will guide your future.
Lostdale ( member #28680) posted at 7:50 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
Every WS should read this and you should post it on Craigslist under Rants.
It will become an instant all-time hit.
You gave it much thought.
Me,58 WW,53 2DDays two son's---24+30 No one kows what it's like to be the sad man,behind blue eyes--The Who
married 31 years, some good
Sal1995 (original poster member #39099) posted at 8:03 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
Ibrokehisheart, I was pretty low when I wrote this, but have improved a little since. There is hope if you're willing to do what it takes to heal yourself and devote yourself fully to your marriage. Best of luck to you.
Lostdale, this was partially a rant. Otherwise it was just an anguished inventory of the degrading things I've learned about my bride since D Day. Thankfully nothing else has trickled out.
RidingHealingRd, thank you for your message. There is hope - I'm starting to see the hard work on my wife's part which I don't think is too bad less than 4 months in. The horror of her own behavior has set in, and she's pretty crushed right now. But she's going to IC and is completely owning what happened. One day at a time.
loveisareddress ( member #36474) posted at 8:36 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
I'm not going to hug you(boundaries you know)but I hope you feel better soon, regardless of the final outcome.
That letter you wrote probably really sums up how so many of us feel in this rotten deal.
IMO, that letter belongs in The Healing Library. If a WS has anything left that even resembles some shred of a soul, this letter could make them see what they've done and lead them to repentance(as in "Repent and sin no more")
Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.
I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.
Sal1995 (original poster member #39099) posted at 8:50 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
I'm not going to hug you(boundaries you know)
I understand completely loveisareddress, although I have a remarkable track record of accepting friendly hugs from females that don't lead to inappropriate relationships. You're safe with me.
but I hope you feel better soon, regardless of the final outcome.
Thanks 
Things have been looking up for us in recent days.
betrayedandnumb ( member #24903) posted at 10:14 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
Wow. I'm sorry you had to be in a situation that prompted this letter, but I'm glad you shared it. I wish it had been around four years ago!
I think you will help countless people by putting into words what they cannot express as eloquently. Good luck in your journey.
BW- me
FWH-him
3/28/09 The day he started skiing down the slippery slope
4/26/09 The day it turned PA
Dday #1 7/13/09, #2 7/16/09, #3 10/23/09, Major setback- 8/13/10
In R
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 10:31 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
..
..no comment by me is needed, since so many others here have already said it so well.
..your post is just awesome and i can only hope all the waywards take the time to read not only your post but all of the replies..
..smy 
[This message edited by somanyyears at 4:31 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
deeplysad ( member #16590) posted at 10:31 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
Sal - In all the years I've been reading on SI, nothing else I have read has been more meaningful to me.
In spite of the sarcasm it was written with, the obvious level of pain is heartbreaking. I'm very glad to hear that your WW is beginning the enormity of her actions and I hope that continues.
You must be a wonderful father to try to be so forgiving of their mother.
Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.
Sal1995 (original poster member #39099) posted at 11:51 PM on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013
betrayed, smy, deeply, thanks. And my wife for the most part had been a good wife and mother for many years, so she isn't completely undeserving of forgiveness. I'm trying to forgive.
Yeah, there was plenty of snark in that posting, but I didn't see any other way to get the point across. I was pretty low the day I typed that.
[This message edited by Sal1995 at 6:03 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]
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