SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I never thought I’d be writing something like this, but here I am.

I’ve been married for a few years, and like any relationship, we’ve had ups and downs. Recently, though, I noticed my husband becoming distant — less affectionate, always on his phone, late-night scrolling. My gut told me something was off. Our sex life got pretty dull as well, and it just seemed like he was drifting away.

One night, I couldn’t sleep and decided to check. I didn’t want to snoop through his phone, so I looked him up on DoTheySwipe platform. I typed in his details, half-hoping I was just paranoid. But the result came back clear as day: his profile, active on Tinder.

Seeing it hit me like a punch. All those late nights, the distance, the excuses — suddenly it all made sense. I don’t know whether he’s just browsing or actually meeting people, but either way it feels like a betrayal.

Right now, I’m torn. Do I confront him directly? Do I just throw divorce papers in his face? I feel like he’s going to come up with a bunch of excuses, trying to sugarcoat the whole ordeal.

Do I wait and see what he says? Part of me wants to scream, part of me just feels numb.

Has anyone here been through something similar?

There are basically two things that can go on:
Either he’s finding some excitement on Tinder or he’s hooking up on Tinder.
If the former, then IMHO it’s only a question of time before the latter.

I personally would just confront him. I wouldn’t ask him if he’s on Tinder, but rather state he’s on Tinder: I KNOW you are on Tinder and have an active profile that you are STILL using.

Make it clear to him that he can be on Tinder but not as your husband. That if he want’s this marriage he needs to delete that profile and be accountable online. That you need the truth about how he’s been using Tinder and if he’s been hooking up.
Make it clear that it’s his choice. You aren’t forcing anything. If he thinks this marriage is so bad it can’t be fixed then that’s fine. Better you know now than a few kids and a mortgage later.
Make it clear that you need this info for your health. If he’s been meeting random women, you need to know. In any case YOU go for STI tests, and make it a requirement for the marriage that he too goes for a test.
Ask that he be truthful. That if he tells you clearly that he wants this marriage then you are willing to attempt to work things out. But you need the truth NOW – as in did he hook up with others women, does he use other apps, what about sex-workers... Make it clear that whatever truth you get now will be painful but manageable, whereas discovering that he lied in a week or month will definitely kill the marriage.

The possible excuses? Ignore them per se. There wasn’t any passion in the marriage? How did he expect to rekindle that within the marriage with other women?