SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm having trouble meeting women. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm giving off some desperate vibe, because I'm 2 years out from divorce/separation and I still can't find anyone.

I took a break for awhile right after separation, then became proactive in trying to date. Then with no success I've backed off and laid-back waiting and hoping.

By many accounts I'm a good-looking/cute/handsome guy. I'm also in very good shape/athletic - which brings me to my question.... I don't have many opportunities to meet women in my daily life with work, etc... - but the one place there are many is the gym/health club.

How open are you to meeting guys there? I'm one of those "nice guys" (which may be my problem), and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable especially if they are just there to work out etc... but it really does seem like a great place (and one of the few for me) to meet women. What do you think? How should I approach it?

I have, in the past when I was actively dating, met some really great fellows through various internet dating sites.

Yes, you do have to wade through your share of freaks and those with issues. No question. However, I've met some genuinely nice people on such sites--people like you who are just looking to date and hopefully make a connection.

I'd give it a try. As a woman who does belong to a gym, most of us are there because we are self-conscious about how we look, so having someone approach us (at least in my experience) can be a bit off-putting. Especially since you seem to be not only normal, but decent looking.

We don't always feel as if we look our best at the gym. LOL.

Cat

A Rod (from the NY Yankees) met his wife in the gym. He had been scoping her out for weeks and memorized her training schedule. As soon as she jumped off the tredmill and he knew she was going to do abs. He went over to her and asked her if she could give him some tips. That was his "in" with her and he took it from there. I know that sounds easy when you're a super-duper multi-millionaire like A Rod. Thought I'd share.

I've thought about a gym for an activity but I sure don't want to be the creepy guy scamming on chicks.

I'm not an approacher and from the sounds of your post, I'm guessing that you're not either.

I've always heard the gym is a great place to meet people.

I'm not an approacher and from the sounds of your post, I'm guessing that you're not either.

How are women supposed to meet men who aren't "approachers"??

I sure don't want to be the creepy guy scamming on chicks.

For some reason this made me spew coffee.

Moe, that's exactly it. I don't want to be that creepy, scamming guy that I have seen in action.

It's so tough sometimes to approach women in certain environments even if one only wants an honest date.

I think I also have the problem of misinterpreting women being friendly, with women giving you a signal that they want to be asked out.

Oh, and abandoned1...I have the same problem...only it's men that I want to meet.

So if you all aren't approachers and we aren't approachers, I guess were're all screwed.

Abandoned, we're brothers for sure.

I can never get past the assumption that no women I encounter are available.

On the "non-approacher" issue.... Funny thing is my ex-wife, and most of my other SOs pursued me. My ex-wife through one of my long term friends. I've never really had to be an approacher until now.

Gosh I hate this "game."

Even if a guy approached me in an innocent, friendly manner, I'd be stupid to figure out he was interested in me. I'm screwed.

Gosh I hate this "game."

Yes, it sucks beyond belief. It's amazing how this dating shit can turn otherwise well adjusted adults into insecure teenagers.

Hmmmm. Maybe I should write "Approach Me" on my forehead.

My sister told me she thought I wasn't "approachable" to people who don't know me. And I'm not an "approacher". So I guess I'm screwed.

This actually made me LOL. Moe, tubesocks are HAWT ....specially the green and yellow striped ones.

I think if married people wear wedding bands, then single & available people should wear "availability bracelets" or something.

I've always heard the gym is a great place to meet people.

STBXW would attest to this...it's wehre she met POS#2

I think I also have the problem of misinterpreting women being friendly, with women giving you a signal that they want to be asked out.

Ditto that.

Oh man I'm in this club.

I never dated in high school or college.

After college the first woman I ever "approached" I never thought about dating per se. She just seemed like a friend. Well, we got married, and now we are getting divorced. That'll make a guy gunshy.

Sometimes I think I'll be better about this time around. I actually made small talk with the girl at the Dunkin' Donuts drive thru this morning. That's quite a step out for me!

But I'm not much of an approacher. Hence, I married the first girl I dated. I thought I was lucky. Whoops.

I'm somewhat self-conscious when I'm working out, but I'd have no problem with a nice guy striking up a conversation with me at the gym. If he wants to chat me up even though I'm sweating profusely and my face is beet red...well, he might be worth talking to.