SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have been living in this state long enough to file and have my appt on Tuesday; the attorney has a payment plan available, so it looks like i'm finally getting it all done. However, I still obsess over him and what HE does. I check his email, I look through his truck (although I haven't done this in a few weeks) and have looked at his bank account activity.

It bugged the heck out of me when I saw a charge at a dept store for something I know wasn't for me, and of course it was probably for his current whore.

It just kills me that he dumped me for someone else, anyone else, whore or not. And now he's buying her stuff that should have been for me. We've had a connection for over 21 years and now I'm just tossed aside like an old beer bottle.

Thanks for listening.

Ugh...I know what you mean. I obsessed for the longest time. I finally had to accidently let it slip that I knew his passwords. The next day they were changed and I was on a new path.

It really helped.

I know exactly how you feel. It hurts so much. But some days are better than others, and I hope you have more and more of the better days.

I just decided to let it go. It was causing me more pain to be constantly checking all of the time. Since I stopped, I'm much happier and I had to sit back and think if I really want to continue my relationship, with other reasons considered. I realized that I have not been happy for years and in fact, it has been such a one-sided relationship that I think he uses me for securtiy and because I am the dependable one. Trying to get my things in order.

Time not just a factor in healing but not having the time to think about it anymore helps too.

You get this normal response to "being teamed up on" but they forget you as a factor in their lives and you will too.

I still have my moments. Sometimes I check her cellphone records on line everyday. I haven't done it since Monday this week. A small victory for me.

It's hard to get past the obsessing. I think we all realize it's unhealthy. It does feel good to let it go, but every now and then the thoughts creep in and back to square one we go!

Come her and post instead of checking.

It makes a world of difference and you will find that you don't need to keep checking.

Thank you everyone. I think I WILL come here and post every time I'm ready to check something out...you'll probably be seeing a whole lot more of me!

Come her and post instead of checking.

Good answer! Good answer!

I think this 'checking' is our way of trying to gain control over our lives after having it yanked out from under us. We all do/did it but as time passes, you feel better about yourself and you don't give a damn anymore.

Add me to list of not investigating anymore. After the last thing I found, I just can't do it anymore.

My XWH and his girlfriend joined a yacht club in her condo complex (she lives near the beach but as far as I know doesn't own anything that resembles a boat) during our divorce. I guess they needed to buy new friends b/c my XWH certainly lost all of our friends.

Innyhoo, the yacht club has a website and they post pictures of their "events" online. Once I discovered that site, it was like a bad car accident. You know you shouldn't look because the scene could be horribly gruesome, but you are compelled to look anyway. Everytime they posted pics of them, I would get a small feeling of vindication because (1) every member of that stupid club is at least 20 years older than my XWH and (2) with every event, the OW packs on more weight.

However, the overwhelming feeling I get the rest of the day after seeing those photos, is sadness mixed with anger. Here they are smiling away at the camera (one photo had her kissing him on the cheek and I just wanted to ) and where am I? At home raising our children with no help from him. Well, ok, I raked him across the coals in our divorce and I have the kids 97% of the time, but that motherfucker got to walk away from the responsibilities of being a father. And where is he? Boozing it up with a bunch of aging alcoholics and his overweight girlfriend.

Wait, on second thought I would rather be raising our children right!

I haven't been back to that website for a couple of months now and I am very proud of myself. But the obsession is overwhelming and I completely understand!

I thought I was alone in all this! My XH and I have been living together since our divorce in November so I'm still way too involved. I have all his passwords (he gave them to me) I told him it was the only way we can be friends (which is what he wants) so, I check constantly and now we finally sold our house after a year on the market and now I'm FREAKING out that he's going to be with the whore. I feel like if he goes back to her then I'm left with all this pain as a life sentence. None of this is fair! He gets to move out and start over and I have to live with my folks for awhile to save up money since I was way too nice in the divorce and gave him my car that was paid off amongst other things so, I stay in limbo hell. Not fair! I find myself feeling sorry for myself all the time, this cannot be healthy.

Back to the snooping, I finally deleted ALL the emails we had going back and forth since DDAY, I keep reading them over and over again and just getting hysterical, so I deleted them all a month ago, this helped IMMENSELY. I also had him get his own cell phone plan so I wouldn't have access, he didn't want to do it because he knew this would make me crazy but I said he had to, I couldn't keep checking, so he did and he was right, it makes me CRAZY that I can't see who he's talking to but, I have to learn to let go somehow. So just the other night he caught me trying to break into his cell phone account, he was not happy, and rightfully so since he never wanted his own plan anyway, god, I'm so messed up!

I really have no idea how to let go. I don't know how to do any of this!!

I agree with Pippy ...snooping makes us feel like we have some control ...for whatever that's worth LOL

I am in the bowels of it now ...we are sep. but i can tell u every purchase he's make in the last month ..so what..

Keep up with money he's spending on her...it should come out of settlement money

Well, before I vowed to stop snooping I found the receipt in his bag, and it was for a bunch of shirts and Levi's. So at least that one wasn't for her, unless he's buying her clothes...

Either way, I'm posting here every time I have that urge, just like those who vent here instead of writing or calling their ex's or the OW's. Feel free to join me!

I try to remember that every moment spent on him is taking energy from focusing on me.

How long?

As long as it takes to get a prescription of Prozac and for it to kick in.