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It's been coming for a while now. I could feel it a little more each day. That sinking feeling. The "how will I ever really get through this" feeling. The my world as I knew it ended and yes, this is actually your sad, pathetic fucked up life feeling. And today it hit me full force. I can't even fake it through the day. I cried in front of him. I broke my cardinal rule. I couldn't hold it in. I feel so low today. Nothing feels good. Nothing feels right. I just want to stop. How can I keep fighting this fight? I gave him my heart, my soul, my loyalty, love, respect and trust. Everything I had. It was not enough then; why bother now? I don't know what I have left to give, nevermind I wonder if I did, would it be enough.

I don't know, I guess I am just rambling. I want the pain to stop. I want this not to be my reality. I know, I know, not going to happen.

I don't have any words of wisdom for you. I wish I did. I have been where you are today and still find myself there at times.

Just like you I hate to break down and show my vulnerability but you know, sometimes you just need to do it. He needs to see the hurt he caused you to remind him why he needs to work harder at winning your heart once again.

Being vulnerable doesn't mean weakness. When I find myself vulnerable, it makes me even more determined to become stronger.

(((SAD)))

[This message edited by LoveFantasy at 4:23 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

((((ShatteredAndDone))))

I feel exactly like you today. I just had/am having ANOTHER "come to Jesus meeting" with my WH regarding the A, his actions immediately following D-day, and his lack of action ever since. I am so close to throwing my hands up and kicking him out again. I just need the pain to stop. I am tired of crying tears over someone that cares so little for me. Days like today make me feel weak and stupid for sticking around and especially for still loving the man that cares so little for me and our family. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. If you figure a way out of this downward spiralling nightmare, please share it with me.

(((((ShatteredAndDone)))))

I want the pain to stop. I want this not to be my reality. I know, I know, not going to happen.

I feel the same way today.

I try very hard to be positive in R, but you know what, I don't have to be a ball of sunshine every single friggin' day!

Some days are just tougher than others and that's okay too.

((((more hugs))))

I don't have the magic wand to take it all away.

Some times I think it is okay to just give into the tears and sit down and let it all out. Then regroup and march forward.

None of us can be strong all of the time. None of us wanted this in our life, but you will make it through. Some days are just harder than others.

Try to take a long bath or a shower until the hot water goes out. Put on your favorite joggers, baggy tea shirt. Pour a glass of wine or cuppa tea and sit down and say the hell with it today.

There will be other days to fight, today dear warrior, rest.

(((((((ShatteredAndDone)))))))

Thank you all for replying. I know my dear SI family always gets it. Hugs to all of you who also know this feeling all too well.

[This message edited by ShatteredAndDone at 7:08 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

(((Shattered)))

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you are hurting.

I know you "know" this but it was never about you giving enough, being enough. It was him being broken. You can't give anymore? What is he giving, what are you taking?

And sometimes it is about the BS being broken before too - I was. "Fixing" me really helped.

I know it feels like you have been doing this for sooooo long - it is flipin exhausting - but you are still in the new stage. The pain is still so "there".

((ShatteredandDone))

Sorry you are feeling so down today.

Oh hun I am right there with you. You can feel it coming and try to stop it. Sometimes works sometimes doesn't. We are riding the coaster. It sucks.

I was feeling it yesterday and FWS knows without me telling him. He was extra attentive and affectionate. Its what I need and he knows it because I have told him. Then we had fabulous intense sex and I felt better. That's what works for me, probably due to my insecurity. ((((Hugs))))

I, too, could have written this. I'm feeling exactly the same today, so hopeless and broken.

I really hope you are feeling better today. (((Shattered)))

Wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I don't. I would say try to do something for yourself today if you can even if it's something simple. Heck, valentine's day was a mess for me so I got up left for an hour and got myself a mocha. Talked with a friend on the phone in the parking lot till I finished it. It got me out of the gloom and doom feeling. Then I went home and plowed on with the rest of my day. Just try something for yourself...scarlett ohara says it best...."afterall tomorrow is another day". One day at a time, or one hour at a time if its a really shitty day