SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

while he is out of town? I don't know any passwords. Not a good guesser. He erases his history everyday so can't find anything there. My first inclination is to wait but then I'm not sure he will give me the answers I need.

Where is he out of town? Far away? Do you think he is with OW?

Absolutely!

You have no earthly idea what may be coming down the pike, so it would be in YOUR best interest to gather as much info as you possibly can now while you have the chance.

Is his car there with you? I would start with the car and search the car.

Do you know the identity of the OW?

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 10:12 PM, July 12th (Thursday)]

Maybe install a keylogger on the computer while he is away?

He maybe with the OW. He was getting ready to leave and I decided to check his phone. He left much earlier than he needed to and was acting funny. He had plans to see her in another state where she lives on his way. I asked him not to and he promised he wouldn't but I really doubt that he will keep his word.

When he comes home, Sunday, his brother will be with him.

[This message edited by Elaine2012 at 9:12 AM, August 9th (Thursday)]

I don't have any idea of who the OW is. Non. Yes his car is here but I have a feeling anything he's hiding is in his office at work! But I will look.

Turns out he really hasn't hidden as much as I thought. Found an article about protecting your assets as a senior! Due to the increase of older marriages. I'm numb!

Wow it's amazing what is actually here when I took off the rose colored glasses and looked with clear vision.

[This message edited by Elaine2012 at 9:14 AM, August 9th (Thursday)]

Elaine, this is serious business.

Turns out he really has been looking at house in another town. Found an article about protecting your assets as a senior!

I assure you, he has NO intention of 'not seeing her'.

Please please please try to get in to see a lawyer today! Or at least try to talk to one on the phone. Depending on what state you are in, adultery CAN make a difference in a D settlement!

PROTECT yourself!

Also, today may be your only chance to get into his office to look for evidence. Make up some excuse for being there, anything, and get in there!

And PLEASE don't worry about 'lying', remember he has perpetuated and HUGE lie against you.

Search the car, too, while you have the chance. Look inside the seat covers, under the steerig wheel, all the nooks and crannies.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to move some money around.

Also, do as much research as you can on those names you found - especially the one name on his secret FB. Search them on Intellius or another site and call them!!'

Definitely try to see or speak to an attorney today. Based on what you found, you need to immediately start protecting yourself financially. That doesn't mean there is no chance to R. This just needs to be a both/and situation (you hope for R and you are prepared in case D needs to happen).

I would assume that he will see OW. Really, at this point that is a given. Keep looking through his stuff and consider getting a VAR (voice-activated recorder) to hide in his car when he returns. It will give you better insight into what his intentions are.

(((Elaine2012)))

The problem financially is that I don't have any access to his money. We have everything separate. I can't even find a bank statement here. I am leaving to see a lawyer when I am done here! and I will be searching his truck for sure.

When you go into his email account hit the "can't access account" button. It's usually located under the login area. From there it should lead you to "answer secret question" to reset passwords. You know very well and odds are you'll be able to answer the secret question and reset his password. If he does electronic banking and his bank account has his email address on file you can go into his bank account and request a new password.

Your new-found info should enable you to hire a PI to follow him on his trip...esp if infidelity proof will help you in divorce.

I've been to see an attorney. Relieved at my options and the help they were. I had my questions answered. One thing they said is that through discovery they will be able to find out his information that we don't have currently. I'm going to continue digging and make copies of what I'm finding. They also said not a good idea of going to his office. It could be considered trespassing and I don't want to make trouble for myself. I also don't want to let him know just how much information I have found. They told me to not share it with him.

Yes, definitely NEVER show your hand or reveal your sources. He'll go underground and then you'll never find anything.

One thing you can do is go into his email program options and there is a place to check off "clear history daily" or something like that. Uncheck it or whatever and he won't know for a day or so. If he asks you say you have no idea what he is talking about. Deny, deny, deny! But it will give you a chance to read his sent emails and get her name and email address. Good luck.

Elaine, I'm so sorry that you are going through this too. I found out almost seven months ago, and I know the feelings you are going through. Shock (extreme shock), disbelief, hurt, rage, desperation, fear and sadness. And above all....how could he do this and how could I not have known?

I wish that I had known about this forum back in November. There is so much caring and wisdom and insight here. Had I been able to get advice from the good people here, I would have done many things differently.

In spite of that, I have received an enormous amount of support on the bad days that followed discovery, and encouragement on the better days.

And things will get better for you, no matter what the outcome.

Hugs and strength to you.

Good job on seeing the lawyer today Elaine!

Have you searched his:

Car?

closet?

Pockets of clothing?

Underwear drawer or wherever he hides things?

Toolbox?

Luggage?

Shaving kit?

Tackle box?

golf bag?

Trunk of car down in there where the spare tire is?

Looked for key to a post office box OR safety deposit box that you are unaware of?

You are doing great. Hang in there and be strong.

And at some point soon, make an appt with your doc for STD testing.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but you are showing true strength and courage. Strong work with meeting with the attorney. And yes! Take this opportunity to find out what you can.

Elaine2012,

I agree with all here. Do whatever you need to do.

Going to the attorney was the first step. I would definitely put a keylogger on the computer and a VAR in his car. If y ou can get his cellphone for awhile install a cellphone spyware. It's not that hard. Since everyone will be around for the next feww weeks this gives you a chance to investigate and watch. Just don't believe a word he says.

Sorry you have to go through this.