SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just know that if I would never date someone who was still legally married. If it was because of health insurance, I'd be petrified that if they liked me, it was because of my excellent plan and not because they really liked me.

I actually didn't need my ex's health insurance, he needed to stay on mine. I did it as a big favor to him, and "divorce" on a piece of paper was just a technicality to us... not to everyone, but it worked for us.

Dead marriage to me doesn't mean bad marriage. My parents stayed together for years before divorcing to get us through school. My parents didn't fight, etc so while I see that they "could" have been happier w another (or not), I am absolultely positive that a divorce when my brother and I were younger would have had a major affect on us. After college, not so much. My marriage was "dead" for a couple of years before my ex decided to end it with a bang, I had told myself to stick w it until my own kids were in college. I had no desire to be w someone else, we worked well as parents, as husband and wife, not so much.

I'm in MD and there is no legal separation. You can stay on your spouse's health insurance until the divorce date, then you have to get off by law.

I'm in MD and there is no legal separation. You can stay on your spouse's health insurance until the divorce date, then you have to get off by law.

sorry for the t/j - but yeah... we filed a "limited" divorce, which served as a legal separation and custody agreement for our kids. It stood - not finalized, until I re-filed for "absolute" divorce, then was granted. As long as the limited stood open in court, he could stay on my health insurance.

I would say it indicates D is not a high priority for him, which might also indicate that a new relationship is not high priority for him yet.

If it doesn’t concern you, I would guess you are currently on the same page. You have just begun to date; perhaps your relationship isn’t a high priority for you yet either.

For me, a dead marriage would be intolerable.

I am particularly sensitive on this issue because my pond scum cheating man whore ex WH pretended to be madly in love with me while we were together and then, when he was busted and we separated, he told everyone that he hadn't loved me for most of our 20 years together and only stayed with me because he "thought it was the right thing to do." The insinuation being, for the sake of the kids, who BTW, aren't the least bit impressed by his self-proclaimed big sacrifice. I also witnessed ex MIL use this excuse to explain her mid-life affair and subsequent marital abandonment to be with exFIL's best friend.

Of course, I don't believe a word of his big explanation, but what I took away from this experience is that I really don't like or trust people who use the excuse that they stayed together for the kids. I don't believe that most of them really did that. Most of the time I think it's just a convenient knee jerk excuse they use to try to make their choices, or lack thereof, seem understandable. . And sadly, the general public seems to believe that it makes sense that people do this. A lot of the time, I think people who are really not ready to lose the full benefit of 100% of their marital assets use this excuse. I suppose there are people who mutually decided to do this, but I think they are few and far between, and I question that it truly provided much in the way of benefit for the children. And beyond that, I do feel it is blaming the kids for not living your life to its potential.

It reminds me of another excuse..."I had an affair because I was unhappy in my marriage." The average person, unaffected by infidelity, falls for that one too.

I am particularly sensitive on this issue because my pond scum cheating man whore ex WH pretended to be madly in love with me while we were together and then, when he was busted and we separated, he told everyone that he hadn't loved me for most of our 20 years together and only stayed with me because he "thought it was the right thing to do."

Oh, I gotcha. What a dishonorable man your XH is. To try to make you look like some pathetic figure to avoid facing the truth about himself. I know some people on this thread are talking about staying in dead marriages, and that's what you're addressing, I want to be clear that I am NC with my ex except finances and children, we live in separate places, and don't even see each other at kid exchanges. I feel right now that I never want to be married again, so for me it really is a piece of paper and it's the least that bastard can do for me for as long as possible after all the crap I have put up with over the years.

I am very open with any guy who asks, and my answer when asked my situation has never turned anyone away yet.

So sorry to the original poster. To answer your original question, the person you should be asking if you should be concerned is yourself. My humble opinion is that it may bother you a bit, which is why you put it out there. Search your heart and mind, or talk to your IC to find out if it does in fact bother you, and if so why. Then go from there. Good luck.

To answer your original question, the person you should be asking if you should be concerned is yourself. My humble opinion is that it may bother you a bit, which is why you put it out there. Search your heart and mind, or talk to your IC to find out if it does in fact bother you, and if so why. Then go from there. Good luck.

This^^^^ If my now H had issues with my not being "legally" divorced I would have never had a son. It doesn't matter what we say, some of us HAD no other choice but to stay legally married, some of us had stbx's dragging the divorce out for years in order for them to drain companies and claim bankruptcy so they wouldn't have to pay support, others stayed for financial benefits on either side, there are too many variables, and right now with the economy can't say I blame alot of people for doing so.

[This message edited by Betrayal at 10:34 PM, March 8th (Friday)]