SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

NB is rediscovering your passion, it all its forms. So what turns you on, fires the "I'm alive" feeling? I believe that feeling alive leads to sex, so at its core, this topic is about sex and should get lots of attention...

I'll start.

1. Non sexual touching from my partner. It fires the imagination and makes me imagine other...

2. conversation/debate that stretches the known knowns and makes me think in a new way or introduces a new topic. I think maybe the investment of time/words shows a value of me and makes me feel loved. This is probably my primary love language.

3. music. something about music at the right volume makes me feel alive at the cellular level.

4. Selflessness. Effort put forth to do good. Volunteer work, community work, random act of kindness. Being out of self and connected to the world.

So what gets you in the mood to celebrate life?

1. Dancing - just having that flirty interaction and touching yet, not really the way you want to gets me going.

2. music - i agree with caregiver , it just gets the blood pumping and just has the ability to reach inside your soul.

3. confidence - a person that is secure in who they are (this applies to friends and S/O) just makes me feel happy to be around them.

4. Intelligence - a person that can speak, reads (doesn't matter the genre, i'm not a snob) and can stimulate my mind can stimulate other things too

5. chivalry - not KISA deal, but those little things that are sweet, like tucking my hair behind my ear, whispering encouraging things or squeezing my hands when I'm nervous. Yup, that does it for me.

1. Intelligence and wit. Cleverness, for lack of a better word, is one of my major firestarters.

2. Humanity. Acting as a contributing member in society and buying into the greater good. Caring about others, regardless of whether you know them.

3. Curiosity. An eagerness to experience new things, to grow and learn.

sounds like we are drafting a section for an online profile. NOT my intention...

LOL, now that you say it, i guess it does...

Oh well!!!

I love the "alive" feeling! I'm in a fairly new relationship, so my mind is a little skewed right now. And my "turned-on" feeling has been turned-on after years of stagnation..

1. Close dancing and music. Sultry blues-based music.... if at all possible. Mixed with a beer or two and I'm pretty darn alive!

2. Intimate discussions. When I can share my deepest secrets with someone and there is no judgement attached. Turn. On. Boy, I have missed this!

3. My love language is physical touch. So this pretty much always does it for me. Holding hands, his hand reaching over to wipe my hair out of my eyes....shudder!

4. Last week my SO cleaned out my attic and picked up and hauled off the brush in my yard while I was out playing tennis. And I never asked him too. Well, this was a MAJOR turn on.

5. This one is hard to describe. I have told my SO after a hard day at work that I am mentally exhausted and don't want to make any decisions. He'll pick me up from work and arrange a nice dinner. We'll go see a movie, meet up with friends or see a band. And I don't have to think, plan, or pay attention in any way. I can just relax and enjoy. He takes care of me and I let him! I just love this and it is a major turn-on. I'm tired of being responsible. I just want to chill and let someone else take the reins for a change.

Empathy and a sense of humor do it for me.

Listening to me. This is huge. If he's listening and pays attention hotcha cha cha.

Does things for me like cook or fix things around the house.

Ability and interest to discuss nerdy logical things with me that I am interested in.

His sense of adventure.

His sense of calming energy when I'm freaked out or anxious.

Gently pushing hair back from my face is VERY hot.

Making a meal from scratch...gardent/farmer's market to table. I love food with some thought put into it.

Any type of physical activity - running, hiking, biking, dancing...I love to move...grounds me in the present.

clever banter that doesn't devolve into blatant sexual inuendo (hmmm...blatant inuendo)

1.) Touch, especially that kind of passing, soft touch. That always gets a response (although probably not quite as soft or gentle )

2.) The smell of fresh washed hair, like when your laying on the couch (I think the term is spooning) watching a movie late in the evening.

3.) Eye contact. I remember my grandmother used to call it "bedroom eyes", that kind of deep, lazy, searching gaze.

4.) Pouncing...nuff said

I need a cold shower!

HUM, I like number 5 a lot. After being "in charge" and the responsible one for so long about everything and all the intense worry and drama, that reads like a fantasy to me. wow! I think that man has superhero status.

Caregiver - well done. I agree with all of yours. Doing something outside Running, hiking, cycling, yardwork, snow skiing, with a partner is also also awesome.

So Tesla likes to Dance! Yippee!

Time to show her what a disco inferno I can be!

You know when you are sitting side by side and he reaches over and puts his arm on your leg that is the furtherest from him? Like in a protective, she's mine kind of way.

Laughing

Holding my hand just because

Considerate/ helping someone

Goodness I would say a lot

An accent, I like country accents, or foreign accents (xwh was Indian, and one of my xbf's was irish). British and Aussie accents are yummy, xbf had no accent but was very well spoken and that was a turn on, on the phone (okay so that sums up any guy that speaks well in person on the phone, extra credit for an accent (I won't mention what the extra credit is

I will third of 4th eye contact, but I have been called out on being the first to stop the stare, (because it turns me on too much and I get flustered

If a guy is a parent, being involved in his kids life.

I already mentioned sweat a million times in ) but it stands for a lot to me.

Of course random intellectual banter is good, I love talking about global warming, and saving the world, one recycled can at a time, that is very attractive.

well now I need a shower.

And if you need me on earth day I will be at whatever rally I can find searching out the intellectual well spoken, sweaty, tree hugging single dads with accents. LOL, no I am serious, well about the rally at least

[This message edited by PlainsGirl29 at 3:59 PM, March 10th (Sunday)]

You know when you are sitting side by side and he reaches over and puts his arm on your leg that is the furtherest from him? Like in a protective, she's mine kind of way.

I love all the specific types of touch in this thread!! Very interesting to think about whether it is the touch or the message conveyed in the touch which pulls our desire?

and PG29, you know yourself and your type very well...

Yes since I moved I take note of each duplex on my block that uses their blue recycle bin (many don't even though we have to pay for the service through the city), anywho, I took note that the nice looking probable single dad that helped me in the snow storm puts his bin out on recycles days 2x's a month. Yes he scored brownie points for that one lol. Roll out your recycle bin neighbor, it is very attractive lol.

All I can really say at this time, is the first man I date that is genuinely nice to me for no apparent reason, well y'all just start praying for him now... poor guy is going to miss walking.

I'm with charliefoxtrot. I just finished a bottle of moscato and a Channing Tatum movie. At this point in my evening, anything goes...

A sense of humor. And a pair of well used cowboy boots. And jeans. And a sense of humor. Did I mention a sense of humor?

Added to all of the other things, a sincere apology. I recently got one from a guy who is not in my usual physical ideal (he's a foot taller than me and kind of lanky), not intellectual, not particularly ambitious (he's a hard worker, but likes working 2 jobs), and known to be something of a player. But he was direct, forthright, and apologized for something he did 2 years ago without making any excuses or telling me what I did wrong. I might just have to re-think him in some kind of way