SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My first nb relationship was ld. It was also his first relationship after d.

So, for 2.5 years, I would send him an email every Sunday night. The topics would vary, but it was always just an update on life and my thoughts of the week. He normally responded throughout the week, or we would text periodically during the week.

I stopped sending the email 3 Sundays ago because I felt that he was pulling away almost a slow motion poof.

I have heard nothing from him since I stopped. Not even a text. This upsets me- almost like he's glad that I finally gave up on the possibility of a LDR.

It feels very PA of me to not address it, but it also feels that I'm the one that needs "closure", not him.

This nb shit is painful. I hate that I don't feel valued by him. That he doesn't feel that I'm worth any additional effort in life.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 11:36 AM, March 10th (Sunday)]

This nb shit is painful

Here, here!! I raise my glass.

Like a fool, I thought I would simply waltz into the most beautiful relationship imaginable once my new beginning finally started.

Hah, hah.

Sorry he slow-mo poofed. That sucks.

You've got more patience than I, to attempt a LDR.

It's hard navigating this communication thing when one of the key lessons we get out of all the A and D shit is knowing that we want to be honest, forthcoming and in tune with our partners.

So this aspect of the dating dance can make us want to get real talky and discuss things even if we're ending things with someone. I bet most of us weren't particularly like that prior to landing here in NB. I guess I mean we tend to go after people to talk to them and explain, discuss & get the why when really what we should focus on is how they aren't meeting us halfway, aren't communicating so really, we should just say, fuck you & slam the door in their face.

But more importantly, I don't think this is an issue of how important you were to him. I think it's more that LDR's are for the birds and should be avoided at all costs (yes, I know, some make it work, but relationships aren't just about talking, they are about time spent together too). I don't see you as someone who'd be happy about being in an LDR as your primary romantic relationship either.

It could really just be that you'd gotten used to having someone to "data dump" to once a week and you liked the routine of it. Someone to share with but they weren't there underfoot, leaving towels on the bathroom floor and dirty dishes in the sink to annoy you. So from that perspective, maybe you're just missing the support that gave you and not really missing him or caring so much whether or not he valued you???

Idk. The sucky part of NB. I keep just trying to talk myself up with all this stuff, not let the duds get me down, and so am trying that tact with you! Is it working???

[This message edited by cayc at 12:18 PM, March 10th (Sunday)]

(((Williesmom)))

I don't have any words of wisdom, just that he couldn't live up to your awesomeness, and I know if you ever meet anyone who can, there will be no poof, slowmo other otherwise.

Ldr's are rough I have tried them in the past.

This last guy lived 35 miles and a state over. I will never do that again.

If you want closure, call him up and get it.

(((Williesmom)))

I was telling my friend last night who is going through something similar to you, that maybe she chose an LDR because it was safe at the time. LD=less chance of a heart-break; keeping herself distant.

Maybe you too are ready for something more so you subconsciously made a stand? Just a thought.

I have BEEN ready for more. I guess the hard part is that when we're together, we really click. And that it seems like he always has the exact advice that I need. A very thoughtful guy.

I just know how hard it is to find someone that I feel this way about, and I don't think he appreciates it- or he doesn't feel that way about me. Either way, it sucks.

Duplicate post. Stoopid phone.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 2:49 PM, March 10th (Sunday)]

I'm sorry your having a rough time with it. I dont have much good advice but second a closure email.

This upsets me- almost like he's glad that I finally gave up on the possibility of a LDR.

I had a very similar experience.

This nb shit is painful. I hate that I don't feel valued by him. That he doesn't feel that I'm worth any additional effort in life.

I could written the same words. He's gone and I'm trying to move forward and I really didn't want to.