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I'm trying really hard to just be open to new experiences, balancing my need for alone time with a willingness to do things I don't normally do. So for example I went out last night with some new friends and stayed out until 11 (that's 2 hours past my normal bedtime lol) because I know I need to be friendly, and go out in order to meet people/get invited in the future etc.

The friend I went out with last night is dating a guy who is exactly what I'm looking for (except that he's not age appropriate, they are both early 30s). The guy they are trying to set me up with is nice, and cute etc. But, he doesn't care about his diet and he drinks a lot. I really don't like that. My main hobby is CrossFit and eating well is very important to me. I even limit myself to 1-2 drinks because I don't like feeling hungover/not being able to work out the next day if I indulge in more, i.e. I like that more than I like being drunk and don't get me wrong, being drunk can be fun!

But anyway, I just feel like my timing is always a bit off. So the few guys here that would have been relationship material for me all got into new relationships about a month before I arrived.

Or I meet a guy, and he has one of my deal breakers (and I only have 3!).

I appreciate that I'm being impatient. I also know that the way I'm going about it is the only way I can. But ... it's dispiriting to always feel like Maxwell Smart (Missed it by *that* much) because it creates this feeling that I'm always falling short or repeatedly unlucky.

It is hard to start over and begin dating again. I only dated a few guys between XWH#1 and WH#2. I had been with XWH#1 for over twenty years and didn't know the first thing about dating someone else.

Now I wished I had taken more time and been more patient with myself. I thought WH#2 was everything that XWH#1 wasn't. He was different in a lot of ways, but the one thing that mattered the most to me, being faithful and honest, he failed miserably at.

If the guys you are meeting are not living up to your deal breakers, do not settle. It is better to be alone, than to be back in another bad relationship. Hang in there. ((HUGS))

I appreciate that I'm being impatient. I also know that the way I'm going about it is the only way I can. But ... it's dispiriting to always feel like Maxwell Smart (Missed it by *that* much) because it creates this feeling that I'm always falling short or repeatedly unlucky.

Have you considered that your poor timing is the universe making sure you are available when really the right guy comes along? Cayc you are an amazing woman and are worthy and will attract and equally amazing guy.

I hear you. I'm kind of feeling that also.

I think it's tough for us because we're childless - all of the men are age are busy raising teenagers.

I go out and sometimes think "Where IS he?" I know that the man for me is out there, but I wish he would hurry up and get here!

ETA: I keep telling myself that he is out there, living the experiences that will make him the man that I need. That's what I tell myself in my impatient moments.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 2:21 PM, March 22nd (Friday)]

I'm right there with you cayc, (except on the CrossFit thing-- you are doing that without me ) Trusting the Universe can be so difficult at times, but I try to believe that "everything I desire is already on its way to me". Hang in there, know you have company and soldier on!

he is out there, living the experiences that will make him the man that I need

I love this.

You mean jealous of people who have a partner? Try to think of people in bad relationships. Do you want that? (rhetorical) Also having freedom really is priceless. (keep up the positive)People in relationships have to compromise. Yes, it can be good but there is also a trade off. (compromise)

I'm jealous of: people who are divorced who don't have children together, people who get along with their ex's or at least are able to be civil to one another. I'm jealous of people with ex's who don't have distorted thinking. I'm jealous of ex's who are genuinely good parents. I'm also jealous of people who don't have to work full time, go to school part time and single parent and deal with ex dramas/court. I'm jealous of ex's who pay on time, who respond to emails, who don't try to turn children against the other parent.

You've inspired me to look into Cross Fit! I know there is one in town. My workout has become boring; same old same old. Zzzzzzzzz

I find being positive and grateful for what I have is a practice, it isn't just there, I have to work on it. I have to write gratitude lists, 'what i liked today' lists, and lists of the moments when I felt a moment of a nice connection with another person whether it was a stranger or a close person.

The work of Barbara Frederickson is great. She a scientist studying positive emotions and has written a couple of books about her findings. I highly recommend those to get you going back on track with being positive so you don't spiral down any further. It feels a lot better and you are worth it!

It's just hard not to get discouraged when I keep seeing those around me realize the successes that I desire, and that the things that I want I miss by literally days/inches. Or so it seems sometimes.

And while I realize that NB is more than about a committed relationship, that's one of the things I desire. Evidently, I've never had it. And my current work is not a job, it's a lifestyle, so all of my colleagues' partners participate in all that goes on and my single status is thrown in relief at *every* event. Every dinner. Every happy hour. Every social. Every meet at so-and-so's house to watch Game of Thrones.

And every holiday, all the partenered people disappear for other locales and ... again, I'm by myself.

I trust this is temporary. But still, it's hard not to be envious and it gets to me sometimes.

It's just hard not to get discouraged when I keep seeing those around me realize the successes that I desire, and that the things that I want I miss by literally days/inches. Or so it seems sometimes.

And while I realize that NB is more than about a committed relationship, that's one of the things I desire. Evidently, I've never had it. And my current work is not a job, it's a lifestyle, so all of my colleagues' partners participate in all that goes on and my single status is thrown in relief at *every* event. Every dinner. Every happy hour. Every social. Every meet at so-and-so's house to watch Game of Thrones.

And every holiday, all the partenered people disappear for other locales and ... again, I'm by myself.

I trust this is temporary. But still, it's hard not to be envious and it gets to me sometimes.

I'm jealous of: people who are divorced who don't have children together, people who get along with their ex's or at least are able to be civil to one another. I'm jealous of people with ex's who don't have distorted thinking. I'm jealous of ex's who are genuinely good parents. I'm also jealous of people who don't have to work full time, go to school part time and single parent and deal with ex dramas/court. I'm jealous of ex's who pay on time, who respond to emails, who don't try to turn children against the other parent.

ditto

cayc, I'm sorry you are feeling alone right now. It is very difficult when you are surrounded by a lot of happy (or what looks to be happy) couples. That is one reason I found single people to hang with. It took me a while to build a base of single friends. But I did, and I have had a blast with them! So much so that I got to the point that I wasn't too keen on settling down again with any one guy, and once I got to the point where I wasn't really wanting anyone again, boom.......now I find myself in a relationship again and trying to get used to the couple thing. And sometimes I still wonder if it is good to limit my options, but this guy is treating me so well right now and I do have deep feelings, so.....

Do you have any unpartnered friends that you can hang with that do things you really enjoy?

That is hard given your work life is almost all of your social life too. What a drag to have it pointed out to you all the time. My guess is some of those people are jealous of your singlehood. I wish for you that you had some other friends who expressed care for who you are, not who you are or are not with.

Hey cayc. I think you are on the right track, doing all the rights things like putting yourself out there, going out, having a hobby. crossfit is so social too, sounds like a good counterbalance to your work life. I think it is just a matter of time for you, keep putting yourself out there and doing what you are doing. I understand about the bottom line too. I am a runner and have been running marathons for the last 15 years. Any guy who is not sporty and doesn't understand the athlete/weekend warrior lifestyle it an automatic no. That just means I have to keep going to new running groups

I too am jealous but in my case it is people who have children. I am at that age when everyone it seems is pregnant. FIVE of my closest friends are either pregnant now or have babies in the last month. I really want children and XWH also wanted children. It is so frustrating that it didn't happen to us. When I see my pregnant friends I keep thinking that should be me (except of course I know that I would be in a much more bigger mess now had XWH and I had children). It is really hard.