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Hi Friends,

My stbx will be owing me a lot of money but will not have the means to pay me for it. So what happens? Who determines the interest on what he owes me?

How can I find out if he can qualify for a loan to pay me? Can I force him to get a loan to pay me back?

My attorney is looking to see if he has any employment 401K but I really don't think he has any.

Remember, my stbx is really ignorant on anything having to do with finances. He does not own any property, no savings, doesn't own vehicle ~ he now just has a lot of debt.

QDRO does not work with my stbx's City and County pension so I will have to wait until he retires to get that money.

So what happens when one soon to be ex spouse owes the other money but does not have the means to pay him/her back?

What does he owe you money for? It's really up to him to figure out how he will pay you what he owes you. I wouldn't help him but that's just me. Without knowing what it's for, I would say you would have to take him to court and file for contempt.

There isn't a law against him getting a part-time job so he can begin the process of paying you what he owes you.

If I had a debt I couldn't pay with my regular earnings, I would get a part-time job so I could satisfy that debt.

Good luck!

The only marital property stuff we have is our cars and one credit card. Since his is worth more than mine, there is a difference of $11,000 that he will owe me.

He doesn't understand interest on a credit card. We owe only about $5000 but because he hasn't paid any, he doesn't understand why the amount goes up.

He also owes me $8500 for his half of my sons private school tuition for THIS school year.

My son has four more years of private school tuition (due to special needs) and his half will continue to be about $8500 per year.

My dd goes to a public community college so her tuition + supplies is about $4000 a year so his half is $2000 a year. She will be there for approximately 2-3 years.

Yes, there isn't a law against getting a part time job especially since he doesn't have any visitations with the kids but he won't. I wish the court would "encourage" ahem ... force him to.

I wouldn't help him figure out anything. That's his problem! When and if he doesn't pay then I would take him to court and the judge will make him pay.

Sort of sucks, but daughters tuition is hers. Maybe she can get some scholarships to help or a job to help pay. Can you put son in regular school or get a scholarship for him too? Can he sell vehicle, pay you your portion?

I have a question, please don't find this rude, but what special needs school cost 17,000 a year? Most of us here who are struggling don't make that in a year.

Can you get a judgement against him, or contempt of court? Maybe time to do Dave Ramsey budget and just don't expect any help, that way if he does pay you back it will just be extra.

wontdefineme: I don't think your question is rude!

Private schools for special needs kids usually run from $17,000 - $25,000 to over $75,000 a year. Some students tuitions are paid for by the state because the state (public school) don't provide the services the child needs.

Thankfully, I received financial aid for this school year and that will help a lot.

My son has organic (born with) cognitive issues, auditory processing disorder (brain processes information differently), global learning disabilities. Before attending this school, he was homeschooled and it was challenging! The public schools in our district are inadequate especially if you have kids with special needs.

I'm assuming my stbx won't pay for post high school education. DD17 also has special needs (Aspie, OCD, social anxiety) and realistically won't be able to secure a job until she increases her "social skills". Even then, she will utilize the services of "job training" or "skills trainer".

I'm in the process of applying for financial aid for her also.

I totally agree with your suggestion about not counting on his money and if he does pay, it's extra!! I was just wondering what would happen if he doesn't have the money to pay me. Even if I took him to court, he still wouldn't have the money. I guess bottom line is I won't ever see it.

Thank you all for responding!! Love you guys!! dmari

eta: typo

[This message edited by dmari at 2:23 AM, April 12th (Friday)]

Ive posted this before. But it might give you some hope as well. A woman who worked for me had D her WH many years prior. The guy was a deadbeat. Never paid CS and the woman never enforced the court order. She figured why bother as he worked off the books and she would be wasting her time. I encouraged her to go the CS enforcement in out state. I gave her time off to get this done and she did. As they had 3 kids 2 of whom were already of age and out of the house. The youngest was 17 and time was running out. She was able to secure an enforcement order against her XH to the tune of about 25K. She was D for 15 years and he never paid a dime. Anyhow a coupe of years passed and right before Xmas she came up to me with a huge smile. I asked her why she was so happy. she lifted up a check from the state to the tune of 13+K. Turns out the XH had won 25K from the lottery. After taxes were witheld the remainder was the 13+K and she got all of it. She gave me a big hug and thanked me for encouraging her to get the enforcement order. Saying it was the best XMAS present she ever got. The moral here is that peoples financial positions change. And without an enforcement order in place she would have gotten nothing.

Your XWH may very well not have the financial means to pay up right now. But as was said he can look for extra income. Its not your job any longer to worry about him. He fired you from that job. If the money he owes you is enforceable go after it. It may be only a small increase he pays up right now. But the debt increases and revolves as time passes. It cant be discharged and will always be on record. So if he comes into money you will get whats due. Also he needs to understand that his decisions in life have consequences. He wanted out of the M and got that. But as he has underage children its still his responsibility to pay his fair share. You can also look into the following federal laws. "No child left behind act of 2002" And the "Individuals with disabilities education act of 2004" Your state must provide an equal and and adequate education to your special needs child in order to get federal funding. If you do not have the finances to pay for private school tuition the state must provide an equal opportunity education for the child. If your school system does not have such a program the state must pick up the private school tab. Please look into this.

Thank you stronger08! For the true story and advice!

If the money he owes you is enforceable go after it. It may be only a small increase he pays up right now. But the debt increases and revolves as time passes. It cant be discharged and will always be on record.

I was wondering what happens to the debt and you confirmed that it doesn't just disappear.

Who watches over the debt?

Who determines the interest?

If you go through CS enforcement they will determine and maintain the debt. If he is due any reportable income they forward it to you. They most likely will garnish his salary a certain percentage and if he is due any tax refund or other unexpected money they get ahold of it and give it to you. Its not a quick process. Theres much paperwork and red tape you have to navigate through. But once its done thats it. They can even take his drivers license away and in some states arrest him for nonpayment. They can even go after him if he moves to another state. Whiles it a bitch to get rolling I think its worth the effort. Also look into those federal laws I told you about. They can save you thousands if applicable.

Agree with stronger on checking into IDEA and laws regarding FAPE. If you live in District A and your child's IEP states that he needs special services, the district is bound by law to provide them. Either physically on campus, or through funds released to another venue to provide those services. We are in a small district, and we've had to hire additional personnel to provide services for special needs students, one being a full time RN.

If the district is providing the services he needs, but you feel he needs more, then if the state/district has fulfilled its legal obligation, you're certainly welcome to look elsewhere at your own expense.

(((dmari)))

Please make sure you talk to a lawyer about the debt and that you really understand the consequences before signing off on anything. If you want interest added on to what he owes you, I'd imagine that would need to be written into the divorce decree (though I am not a lawyer so I'm not sure.)

In my state, even if the divorce decree states that one person is to assume X debt and the other to assume Y debt, as long as it is in both of your names, the creditor doesn't care what the divorce decree says. Therefore, if it's marital debt on his credit card, they may still come after you (and if the balance keeps going up...) So you pay off your X debt all alone, but may still be liable for the (ever-increasing) half of Y debt. I believe you can always take him to court to try to recover what you've paid, but in the meantime, it can ruin your credit score and the creditor can sue you.

The truth is, you can't get blood from a stone. If he doesn't have the money, you can't get it from him. Something may happen, like with stronger's story, so definitely use all of the weapons at your disposal to try to get him to pay.

However, as unfair as it is, it's probably in your best interest to try to manage things on your own and assume you won't see a dime from him :(

(((dmari)))

I feel you on the private school tuition. Both my boys go to special needs private schools, DS6 to the tune of $18500 (paid for by state funding) and DS4 to the tune of $70000 (paid for by health insurance). With respect to the previous posters, I would like to take a moment to laugh bitterly at IDEA.

Like the previous posters have said, there isn't much you can do. If it is in the decree and he doesn't pay, you can bring him up for contempt. I hate to be a downer, but there does come a point where it is blood from stone. The court cannot force him to produce money he doesn't have or put liens on property he doesn't own. Sure, he possibly maybe could be jailed for contempt, but that doesn't get any money into your hands.

(((dmari)))

Stay vigiliant with this and make sure you are taking care of yourself and your kids. You should not have to take on all of this financially on your own. Stonger has some great info here. I too have a special needs child and I make sure he is getting what he needs and I double check everything my EWW is doing for him. If you STBX is not paying, the courts certainly can make sure he will at some point.

Thanks for understanding my question about special needs kids tuition. I like many people probably have no idea. The government aid is for people who need it, and many of us need help temporarily while we survive this trip to hell and back. As a tax payer for many years this is why we have programs, to help. Apply for help and make sure they understand where you are financially. Is it right that I have heard that the state will go after him themselves? Good luck to both your kids, especially to daughter bettering herself in college. Since you are now single, does she now qualify for the pell grant?

(((dmari))) I don't have any expertise, but wanted to further clarify some of your questions so those in the know can give info.

I have a special needs kid too, and our district has a special center for the more severe cases. Kids from all over the tri-country area are sent there, out of smaller more rural school districts with fewer resources. I am not familiar with how it would work for you with a kid already in private school, but this is what I would guess - and those in the know please correct or confirm this. She would have to send her child to a public school and have him evaluated, probably an EIP, so they could determine what services he is eligble for. Then they would make the plans to accommodate him, either through that school or sent elsewhere if he can't be accommodated there, at no cost to the parent. It might be possible said kid has an EIP evaluation from the private school, but in coming to public he would likely have to have some sort of followup evaluation at the public school first prior to qualifying for services. Which means a rough period of special needs kid in a regular public school for as long as a couple of months - but most schools, even little ones with few resources, can usually give the kid an aide part-time or something during the transition. This is what I think would have to happen for dmari's kid to qualify, am I right? I know it will be hard in the short term, but it really will save you so much money in the long term, and you may even wind up with him back in the same school. Please investigate this.

Also I do think because you are not already divorced, and he doesn't have assets or a reliable income, that you won't have any legal standing to get DD's tuition since she's already of age. I think that is probably the case in every one of the 50 states. Somebody else can confirm this, and your L should be able to for sure.

[This message edited by hathnofury at 9:28 AM, April 12th (Friday)]

Some districts are great. Some districts are flipping nightmares. I would have to sue the school district to get DS6 and aide. I would yell FAPE, they yell LRE right back until DS6 suffers some kind of catastrophic failure. The district was going to mainstream him with resource access coming out of preschool. He is in 1:6 self contained special ed in private school and still manages to have behavioral outbursts and disruptive talking etc. He would have failed catastrophically in mainstream kindergarten and most parents are not willing to let that happen before the district will act. The old pre-S district does not have one single student in a private placement. Sometimes, to get a student placed by the district, you have to move heaven and earth, pay yet another attorney and take it as far as federal court (administrative hearings are the first step).

Bless your hearts!! We have so much folks here with either kids with special needs or who are familiar with the system!! Thank you all for responding

I used to work in the public school system and many years ago, my son did go through all the assessments and evaluations but our school system ... how do I say this ... the services that were offered were inadequate. I know I had recourse but the entire process had been so exhausting and frustrating that I chose not to send him to public school. That is why I ended up homeschooling him for many years.

If worse comes to worse, I will consider going through all that again but it really will have to be my last choice. Transitioning my son will be a nightmare in itself and right now, school has been the one consistent aspect of his life. The school has been extremely supportive and I am so grateful.

Thank you all for sharing your information! I know that it has helped me and I know it will help others!!

Have your daughter go to the financial aid office at her college, or go there with her. Also, is she registered with the disability services office at her school? The system is different for k-12 and college, and for students 18 and older. If she is over 18 I believe she herself has to initiate these these services (unless you have power of attorney or some sort of guardianship?), but you can go with her and then there is no issue about privacy laws and so forth.

Dis services can assist her in a lot of ways. The office at her school could be good or bad at it (the univ I work at now has an outstanding director who ensures that the office is proactive; the previous horrible director insisted the office was only a compliance office and did not outreach...). Which is to say, you may have to push them too, but I hope not!

Big hugs to you. I think I have said this to y before, but I admire you so much for your dedication to your kids!

[This message edited by StrongerOne at 2:12 PM, April 12th (Friday)]

StrongerOne: Thank you so much for the advice!! I will definitely look into the disability services at her college. I guess I didn't think about that before because I didn't know how a college could help. But hello dmari ... that's why I have to check it out!! Thanks for opening my eyes to that resource!!

And I didn't even think about the power of attorney. I guess I need to look into that. Thank you! I think you saved me a lot of headache. Thank you for the lovely compliment !!

hathnofury: Thank you for sharing! I am going to ask for him to pay for half of college in the decree. You are right, he will probably decline but I'm still going to ask. Also, due to children's special needs, I am going to ask for child support until DD17 is at least 21. From what I hear, it is unusual in our state for CS to go beyond but I think/hope he would at least do that since he won't be able to help with tuition. He can at least do CS and health insurance. fingers crossed.