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I wish I was the OW, you know the one (ones) he DIDN’T “love”.

I would have got:

• The sparkly, charming, happy guy

• Thousands and thousands of $$$ spent on me to show me just how special I am

• Made a top priority in his life

• Less lies (I assume)

• Not as many years wasted

• Exciting sex

• Gifts paid for by his “loved” partner

Instead, being the one he said he “loved” got me:

• Financially supporting him and putting him through university

• Cooking and cleaning up after him even though we both worked full time

• Lowest (if I made it onto there at all) on the priority list

• Being a dumping receptacle for all his negativity and problems every single day

• Ignored

• Used as a means to further his career

• Sucked completely dry and feeling soulless

• 16 years of my life wasted

• Run away from without the decency of being provided the truth

• So messed up in the head after years of thinking I was always in the wrong about everything and why didnt I try harder

• Isolated from my friends and family

Meh, its been a bad week.

Sorry if my post is offensive, I dont mean it that way. I am just feeling a bit bitter and broken at all the years wasted.

I dont truely want to be an immoral slut.

The irony is you did have the guy the OW thinks she has. Except he wasn't sloppy seconds back then and you didn't KNOW he was a lying, cheating, POS and you didn't go for the lowest hanging fruit. Your story didn't start with "well, he was married when we started our relationship and throughout the first X months/years of it".

OPs always get the second person in the end. The things they use them for change as their needs change.

Like a parasite that needs a new host when the current one stops being so easily to suck the life out of.

The soul destroyer is in there - ironic that its in both of them. It may take them a few years to realise neither has a soul to suck.

You have an insight into their future - you've lived it. One of the players are different but the story goes the same way. Lather, rinse, repeat.

What you describe may very well be your present but its up to you as to whether it is your future too. You know his future - you know hers too.

I for one am delighted to be free of it. War wounds and all.

You are free - they are not. In time you'll find the balls to embrace it. Right now it still hurts because its so fresh. It won't always hurt this bad I promise.

(((HurtsButImOK))) Lean into the pain honey - it will pass. Work on detaching, work on letting go of a future you were never going to have with that parasite. It takes time to mourn it but always remember there is an "other side" to all of this and you will reach it.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 12:25 AM, April 14th (Sunday)]

(((HurtsButImOK)))

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. One thing SI has taught me is, this will pass.

I anticipate many more dark days ahead of me as my D hasn't officially begun yet. I strongly doubt my STBX is going to go quietly into the night. However...

I for one am delighted to be free of it. War wounds and all.

This will be how I feel when all is said and done. As much as I am hurting now, I take comfort knowing I can walk away from this without the guilt. I'm working on myself so I can live my life as a healthy, authentic, and decent person.

My STBX will carry the guilt with him, whether he acknowledges it or not. He cannot run far enough or fast enough. His guilt will always follow him until he does the work to free himself.

(((HurtsButImOK)))

I so know how you feel - trust me I do, but what he is showing the OW is......well it is an illusion.....and one day she will realise that.

I know how hard it is tho - I know she is getting, for now, the man who I fell in love with, but that man wore a mask!

Today is another day of healing!

• Less lies (I assume)

Oh, I'm going to disagree with your assumption on this one. His whole existence with her was one big lie.

Hurts, I totally get your post, sometimes, I sit and think about how unfair the whole situation seems. But I remind myself that I was the faithful giving partner and I can still look myself in the mirror with a clear conscience. The both of them STBX and OW have to come up with justifications as to why it was ok for them to do what they did for so long. And because STBX and I share friends, he continues to "backtrack" and tell additional lies to cover his mess. Is that the kind of man you would want to be with?

Think about it, SHE CHOSE THAT!! You thought you were married to someone faithful, she knew he was unfaithful , because he was with her.

As my big sis told me " She will NEVER be able to trust him. She will always have to sleep with one eye open looking out for all of the lies that she knew that he told you so he could be with her...so that she knows that he is with someone else."

If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, honey...

(((Hugs)))

(((HurtsButImOK)))

I understand what you are feeling. However, I have no desire whatsoever to be the OW. I am honest, kind, loyal, sincere, and loving. All things she is not. I would not trade that for any amount of attention, gifts, or sweet words.

I understand completely what you're going through. I'm a month from our d being final and I still have my down days.

I spent my life supporting stbxh's business, having/raising our 4 children, going through financial hell due to his spending habits, and loving him and trusting him no matter what.

Yet, somehow, I am the one that is now unemployed (ow is working at his business), I am a single mom, I am potentially facing a life on my own, living on a restricted budget and I am the one being told that I am an "opportunist" because I am looking for maintenance for more than a couple of months.

Meanwhile, despite the fact ow destroyed her own marriage, she is the one living in a newer home, employed, planning marriage to stbxwh, going on vacations and spending money like it's going out of style.

The strange thing is, stbxwh doesn't understand my anger. Or at least doesn't want to be reminded of what he's done to me, his wife, the one he promisted to love until death.