SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So sad you are here heavyheart but so glad you posted this. I am not exactly where you are (70/30 toward D most days) but this post has been very helpful. Trying to not make emotional decisions for the first time in 42 years is rather hard ;(

When that towel gets just too heavy to carry around your shoulders, the weight will be lifted in time. You can do this. I was probably the most fearful person I knew regarding getting divorced. I was full of anxiety, fear, panic, worry and I'm doing okay. I think back to those years of fear and worry about where he was and who he was with and my whole life was consumed with "him" and his misbehavior that it zapped the life out of me. I was on automatic full speed just spinning my wheels. But I wasn't aware of it until I didn't have it anymore. Things are cloudy now but they will become clearer and clearer each day, each month, each year.

The day he pulled out of that driveway with his junk in his truck and my children and I stood at the window and I heard a very noticeable "exhale", I knew. Our home became lighter, more fun, happier immediately.

I tried for 10 years to make things better, he just kept cheating.

Well.. I guess my WH made it easy by being an unremorseful jackass. It became quickly clear that despite his actions, he is the victim in his mind. My reaction to his affair was the problem. My not accepting his affair partner like a sister wife was the problem. My not recognizing how wonderful he is even when he was cheating on me was the problem.

He actually said out of his mouth that societies expectation for monogamy was the problem.

Bottom line, everyone and everything is to blame except him no matter what he does. If he doesn't ever hold himself accountable for anything, he isn't going to change a thing or EVER grow the hell up!

He's been the same person since we first met as teenagers and I made so many excuses over the years for his immaturity and him lacking in so many ways as a husband (codependent here). The affair was the first thing that I couldn't excuse away. He HAD to do something to fix what he destroyed and because doing absolutely nothing and blaming someone or something else wasn't going to work this time...it was the end of the road.

I realized I had a choice...move on or spend the rest of my life with a man who no longer feels the need to treat me like a human being. He fed off my misery during his affair and I will never forget the inhumane treatment from him. How could I trust someone who truly doesn't care about my feelings (or anyone elses)? I can't.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life miserable and feeling unloved just to continue to call myself a wife.

Wow

He's been the same person since we first met as teenagers and I made so many excuses over the years for his immaturity and him lacking in so many ways as a husband (codependent here). The affair was the first thing that I couldn't excuse away.

That hit the nail on the head for me.

I didnt really make a clear decision in my situation but my survival instinct kicked in and I was gone 2 weeks after DD. Every now and then I question if I made the right decision but deep down I know I did.

He wont change and will never be a safe partner for me. He stayed forever frozen in time with the maturity level of a very immature 19 year old.

He threw in the towel back in August, he has shown zero remorse and has moved on with his "soul mate". Dday was 11.25.12, I filed for divorce on 1.8.13. I did not want to get served divorce papers by him, he blindsided me once, not going to do it again.

This is not a divorce that I want, but then the man that I thought I married turned out to be a narcissistic pig and when I no longer served his needs, I was dumped.

I hate the loneliness that I feel, I hate the pain, anger and rage that I feel. But, I realized over the past couple of days, I don't have that drained feeling anymore. His constant need for attention, praise and validation was exhausting. I don't have to take care of anyone else but myself. There is a lot of freedom in that. I don't answer to anyone else. There is integrity in my home, honesty in my world, no more lies. No more deceit.