Well its been quite the few weeks.
Not really a point to posting except an update and a huge thanks to all the amazing people on SI. I read often and always find nuggets of pure gold in every thread that help me to navigate my situation.
I have now retained a lawyer so settlement fight here we come! Feel good about it and somewhat intrigued to see what comes of firing the first shot.
I attended a course for work last week that was a huge personal development opportunity as it turns out. Had to face fears and really do some deep introspection about myself personally and professionally.
I met up with XWSO twice last week. Sunday was just messy and not my proudest moment, I had been drinking and coming off of the emotional low from the previous week. Lots of tears and some hugging. Pretty sure I said unsavoury things about him and his family. As I recall I did mention that his parents had raised a nest of narcissists (he and his brothers are all the same)……………. yep guarantee mummy and daddy will hear about that.
He came back around on the Monday, I was okay and no drinking. It was kind of bittersweet. I realise that part of the reason I sometimes feel the need to see him is to check if “my love” is there, but he never is. Just the stranger who lied to me for so very long. I did get the chance to say a couple of things and did so without rancour. It was his turn to cry.
I signed a lease on a rental property so will be moving on to my new beginnings in mid May. Very excited! 
I almost jumped one of my friends after a big night out, potentially embarrassing but fortunately he is a gentleman. 
I started Pilates and love it.
I can finally focus at work and am starting to get things done, feels good to be productive!
This weekend I am staying at our holiday house and will be doing a final, and at times flaming, farewell to all photos etc. The reminders of all the lies are just not something I want to keep or transport to my new home. They do not belong in my new beginning.
All in all, I know there will still be ups and downs and I will just learn to ride the waves as they come. I am grateful each and every day that I can move forward in life and be open to new opportunities and experiences. I am realising that what had been holding me in the relationship for so very long was fear. Now that my worst fear (losing him) has been realised I am finding it really isn’t so bad. It of course would have been nice to have done it without all the A pain but I guess sometimes you need pain to motivate you to change/grow/survive and ultimately thrive. A lot of good has come from such utter devestation.
I draw strength from reading all the experiences, hard earned lessons and collective wisdom that SI peeps so freely share.
Thank you one and all.
