SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

D-day was last month. Filed D asap. I have gone through emotions of crying, anger, more crying, etc. These past couple days he has been coming home like usual (we still share a home until next month) and we watch TV like normal. And talk semi-normal. I know he has a woman in Ohio but it feels like we can fix this. But he has never wanted to fix it after I filed - still doesn't that I know of.

Am I nuts? Is this normal to go through? I feel so sad again. Do I really want him or do I just need to get fully away from him?

"like usual" is not "usual"

"like normal" is not "normal"

"talk semi-normal is not "communicate well"

It's normal to want it all to go away and be healed.

It's normal to want to R.

It can't happen unless both of you, both of you, both of you want it.

Once you don't share a home, things get better. I was stuck in that situation for far too long.

((MichelleRenee))

Michelle,

Once in family counseling they told me "what is known to us is more physiologically pleasing than what is unknown, even if what is known is hurting us."

I thought it was a bunch of bull. Now, looking back, I realize I stayed with a cheating, remorseful spouse for YEARS because I was afraid of the unknown.

Onward!

((Hugs))

^^THIS.

Only one month out - absolutely normal.

One of the stages of grief is bargaining. If he does X we can totally get through this.

You need to fully get away from him. You can't make him want R, you can't make him have Remorse, you can't make him pull his head out of his arse.

Read up about the 180 and No Contact in the Healing Library.

I promise it won't always feel this way. I remember in that first month after DD it felt so weird to lock the bathroom door and to be modest around him. It was quite sad at the time but also kind of comical. He had been seeing me naked for 10 years and here I was getting dressed in the bathroom.

At only a month out and still in-house your lives are still very much intertwined in many ways. It takes time to untangle yourself.

During in-house I made sure to be out of the house when he was in it. The deal was whoever had the girls had the house until 10.30pm that night. There is no way in hell I could have handled sitting watching TV with him - on our couch, in our home, with our children sleeping.

No way. That would have just messed me up in all kinds of ways.

Put distance between you as much as you can. No chit chat - kids/finances.

You're not being mean or cruel in doing this - you're extracting yourself.

((MichelleRenee)) You're thinking far more lucidly than I was at a month out. Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself more than this.

The woman in Ohio is not the problem - if it wasn't her it would be someone else. Your WH is the problem here. Time to get rid of the problem.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 10:12 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

(((Michelle)))

So sorry this is happening to you and the family.

Wanting him back. Is this normal?

Many times this happens especially since this is so new and very raw right now.

Are you positive divorce is what you both want at this time?No try for R ? If not time to do a very strong 180 on him.

Copy andd paste this link (from SI healing library)about the 180. Question 11 is about the 180 and what it is about.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp

No contact except about kids and finances will help not to get so many new hurts. He fired you as his wife and can't expect life to continue as it was.

It's your decision if you stay to try R or move forward without him. If you do try to fix the marriage it's a gift of a second chance from you and you make the rules of what might work for you to feel safe in the marriage. Don't settle for less than you deserve.

Neither road is easy !

Big Hugs

Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 8:29 PM, April 24th (Wednesday)]

I understand that feeling. It feels awful because my heart, mind, friends, family want me to be like "i don't need you, see ya," but I love him and I just can't let go...This makes me feel pathetic, weak. I am moving into my own apartment next week and I have agreed to make a final decision on filing until July 3, our anniversary. If he still doesn't know what he wants, i'm filing. I mean it...or I think I mean it. I may need som e support on that day if it comes to that. He is aware that reconciliation would be very difficult because of the work involved and I am not sure he's willing to work that hard. My advice is, file. If he wants to reconcile, it is not impossible after a divorce filing. Maybe this will be the kick in the a** he needs or, at least, you will get some closure. Hugs!