SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm having a terrible morning. The pain that hurts so much it's the stomach ache, the can barely breathe feeling. The hurts-so-much i-don't-know-what-to-do-with-my-pain feeling.

But now, and lately, thoughts of texting the OW in 20 words or less the particular pain I am feeling, well i want her to know. I know, i know it's my WS who i should be dealing with and i am. But she helped to destroy a part of my life, my trust in the world, my sense of fairness, freedom from pain. She's been in my bedroom, bathroom, etc. I know you all know only too, too well what i am talking about. So yes, i want, i desperately want her to know my agony; i want her to know my agony and know it intimately. She has 3 daughters. I want to make her imagine what it would feel like to her if someone did what she did to me to one of her daughters and they suffered so greatly, maybe even committed suicide. Just to imagine. I want to make her feel my suffering so much that she squirms in agony on the ground.

Realizing that many people who are in prison are there because they couldn't deal with their pain, and lashed out. I am not that way because no matter the pain, i have morals. I threw my WSs clothes outside on DDay2 and put water on them and stepped on them and tried to put the shovel/spade through them.

I just keep thinking about texting her words of my pain AS IF subconsciously i think i can somehow transfer my pain to her. But I know i can't and so i don't text.

Good. Don't text.

(((TheAgonyOfIt)))

On the quote thread, someone said revealing your pain to someone who is unremorseful is like giving your barbie-doll to a two year old -

you'll just get it back with all the legs and arms torn off...

Sending strength.

Write her the letter, but don't send it. Burn it, flush it down the toilet, rip it to shreds. Write as many letters as it takes.

I want the OW to know the pain that their actions have caused me, the devastation to me and my son. That I am not the heartless, cold bitch that the pig portrays me to be. Let her know that he is a lying cheat, he has already lied to her.

I pray that he will follow his pattern (I am his third wife, he cheated twice on wife number two) and in a few years, will cheat on her. Then, she will fricking get it. She will see that he is a liar and a cheat. Her children will be devastated by his actions. Her children will hate him, the way my son hates him and that she did not turn her children against him, it was his actions. Her world will come crashing down and she will see him for what he truly is.

Believe me, I want her to know all this now, but I know that she won't hear a word that I say. She's "in love" with him, thinks she has found her forever partner. Good luck with that. She texted him on the day after I confronted him and he told me to leave the house (They went out to dinner that night and I am sure that he lied, telling her that he told me that the marriage was over and that he told me he wanted a divorce), that Sunday, Nov. 25, 2012 was the first day of the rest of her life. All I can say, is it was the first day of what will one day be, her nightmare.

thank you. thing is i know that whoever gets my WS spouse next is going to think wonderful things about him too, fall in love with him (pretty easy to do), and he will most certainly likely do something to hurt them deeply, whether it be sexual, emotional and/or financial betrayal. I knew going in that we both had our brokenness, our baggage, as most of us do somewhere, somehow, but i guess i thought we were a good team and could resolve our broken parts together. Now i am running around the house deciding what to pack, and how to turn a 4 bedroom house with a basement and a home business into a 2 bedroom apartment without extra storage. And I'm afraid he did it because i got too many pre-mature wrinkles and didn't go out of my way to wear make-up and look nice.

Never do that... detach from all thoughts of them. They do not care, and they have to build up a picture of you in their minds as someone horrible, bad, someone who didn't understand their wonderful new love... really, only hurt comes from contacting these people. They do not care about your pain.

Try to imagine what it is like to be her or your WS. You probably can't anymore than they can put themselves in your place. Anyone who is capable of gaining their happiness through someone else pain will never identify with your suffering. They don't want to go there with you because they won't go there when it comes to their own pain, which is the cause of their stupid choices.

i desperately want her to know my agony

That's what she want too. Don't do it. It will only validate her miserable ass. The Barbie doll comment from JJCT says it all.

I'm afraid he did it because i got too many pre-mature wrinkles and didn't go out of my way to wear make-up and look nice

This is how it feels when its new. In time you will realize this is not true. His A has nothing to do with you or even her. Do not blame yourself for his stupid choices. I recommend the book "First aid for the betrayed".

TheAgonyofIt

I also would like to let the Ow know the level of pain that she and my Wh have caused me. I think he gets it now. But I want so badly for her to feel the agony and heartache that I have been feeling for the past month. I want her to feel like she is undesirable and unloveable the way I have been left to feel. She went into this affair knowing me we worked side by side , she knew he was married, knew my children, but still went ahead and did it anyway. So I completely understand how you feel, sometimes I think it may ease my pain, then I realize that it wont and I would be lowering myself to her level. We are better than them no question about that. I just keep telling myself that. Wishing you strength and sending (((hugs)))

savvy

Write the letter. Write a million. But don't sent it.

Don't share ANYTHING with OW. While there is potential for some small measure of satisfaction, the potential for enormous pain is SO much greater. Trust me on this.

My h ow thought highly funny wreaked our family and I got upset.

Thought she was on high moral ground because she didnt cry or get upset or lose her job or got depressed.

Woman like these have no morals and now I just sit back and laugh as my h with h so to speak but messaging me several times a week.

Yes, I have to agree with the posts that say OW won't care. If she is anything like OW in STBXH/Perv's case, she thinks she is "saving him". He's painted a picture of this horrible bi...(me) and I would bet if your WH and OW are together still, they won't give a crap about anyone else. I'm sorry, that's harsh and I've had it said to me, but I had to hear it and believe it now.

And yes, don't give them ammo!

What took me ages to learn is that if I could not think about either of them, I could make them not matter for today or the moment I am in. I was giving them too much importance on my life and really, it's not about them and me anymore if I take the highroad and can keep on it.

I don't know if that helps any, but your thoughts and pain is something I live with, too.

And you know what I think? Anyone who lets themselves be in places like OW in the case of your WH or STBXH on this end is probably more than likely to face what we have at some point.

In this case, STBXH-Perv-lied to her to "get" her and continually lies to her. That's my revenge, as you wish on the OW in your WH's situation. And I didn't have to do a thing, he did!

As I said, I sure know how you feel and hope you do something like the post with writing a letter and burning it. I have a wipe board and I write things on there and take them off.

I wish you peace.

((Agony))) I know exactly how you feel!

Yes, write a letter or start a journal, but don't text her!

She has no morals, she doesn't care about you!

I did text, and call,email, and whatever i could,and she never showed an once of remorse, last time I did email, she ended up telling me "that maybe if I paid more attention to my husband, he wouldn't be looking elsewhere" which hurt so much, mostly because it wasn't true---this a "friend" that knew us as family, had many dinners with us..

And you see, she said it deliberately to hurt me. So you don't need to hear something like that!

If only I had found SI in the beginning, I eould have handled myself so differently!

Hang in there it will get better!

She did not care about you when she decided to engage in an affair with your WH. Sadly, I doubt she would care if you were hurting or not.

No text, no email, no letter, no phone call. NC sends her a clear signal that she is insignificant in your world.

{{{The AgonyOfIt}}}

This is what I wrote to coworker OW by FB the night I found out:

How on earth did you think it was a good idea to have sex with a married man? Besides giving me a STD you two have thrown a grenade into our lives. I realize that your girls are young and will likely never know about you and your true character but our children are teenagers. This will change the way they see love and marriage. You did this with WH. All for a little sex on the side. I hope you have a very difficult time living with your actions.

That said it really doesn't matter what your character is. There is always someone out there who will have sex with a married man. WH is the one who made promises to me and our children. You just helped him break them.

She did not respond, blocked me, and complained to my WH. I can't imagine it bothered her in the least or got through to her very thick, selfish brain. I don't particularly regret it but I don't think it had any effect on her.

I didn't text the OW, I called her and of course she didn't answer so I left her a message that said this is WH wife and I think it's time you and I had a discussion, please call me back when you get this. Of course she never did. I also FB messaged her BF and told him that I felt that her and WH were involved in an emotional affair and that I didn't like the continuous contact they had on an almost daily basis. He never responded either. But, my WH did text me a few days later and said I know what you did and you made things worse. Since we are in a trial separation and all agreements were verbal I'm sure he is going to go back on his word and hurt me even more (if that's even humanly possible). I don't regret what I did but my actions may definitely have consequences and that, my dear, is something you have to consider.

Stay strong; we are all here for you!

Your pain and agony are intensely private and she's not worthy of sharing ANYTHING with you.

However, I hope her so-called 'pain' due to her dirty little affair ending is so incredibly agonizing for her that it makes YOUR burden look like a walk in the park.

thanks everyone so much for reminding me that the OW has a completely different mind-set than i do and that lord knows what rationalizations she has and how i've been demonized! All of your words have helped tremendously in grounding me and not doing silly things which might bite me in my a** in some way. I'm already chewed up enough!

So sorry Agony for your pain. I struggle every day about texting/calling the OW. My WS is in an emotional affair (may have been physical once) and I cannot stand it. I want her to know the pain I feel, but sadly she has felt the same pain because her 3rd husband cheated on her. I often wonder how she can do the same thing to someone else, but they can and never think twice about it. I really have a fantasy of bashing her face in, but she is not worth going to jail over and neither is he.

I am not sure what will happen for us, if we split up or what, but he is still in guest room because as long as he talks to her daily, he is not welcome in my bed.

I hate this feeling of pain and I hate all of you are experiencing the same pain.

Hi

I can relate to how you feel. I wanted the OP to understand the hurt and pain I felt. We want them to understand the pain in the belief they will come to their senses, breakdown and apologise and FXXX Off.

My experience is it doesn't work. They have no feelings for you and would prefer if you disappeared quietly from the scene. If you are hurting, then it is collateral damage.

My advice, is

1. do not seek them out.

2. Go to a gym, put a picture (if you have one) on a punching bag

3. belt the crap out of the punching bag

4. As you are hitting the punching bag, make sure you yell at it as loud as possible. Do not be polite and use as many obsanities as you can think of.

5. Repeat as many times as makes you want.

If you do run into them, take 3 deep breaths and think what a loser she is.

I do like you did to your WS clothes