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Well I have been waiting for a while now for the Karma bus to come, and it FINALLY did.

My Wh was out I assumed it was with OW, but was not for sure until the phone rang...

He tells me we had an accident on my motorcycle, she is hurt we are in the country you need to come get me she is going in the ambulance.

I am not going to give the details as they are not important, but I did go pick him up, he was hurt pretty bad, but we cannot afford the ER bill which is why he did not go.

I yelled, screamed, and cried at him for many different reasons, and told him that this was Karma for both of them....

He agreed, and I said this was my last straw that either that relationship ended or ours was going to. He said "ok, after she gets out of the hospital, I will end it."

Now we wait and see if he holds true to his word....

[This message edited by Chandler at 9:45 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]

((chandler))

How awful.

I would say to fuck that shit, it ends now or we end now. No waiting until she gets out of the hospital. You know, cause then it will be until she gets through physical therapy or until her bones heal, or her concussion is gone. Fuck that shit!

I am so sorry Chandler. I hope your WH is not seriously injured. (((Chandler)))

Ya, I agree it ends now. This moment. She'll survive

Sistermilkshake....he was not seriously hurt but his road rash will takeca while to heal....and he has some chunks of missing skin but no broken bones or head injuries...OW was not seriously hurt either...which is a good thing...and as much as I want it done he needs to rest and heal himself and worry about it later...and he already feels bad sbout her I don't need his caregiver instinct to kick in so the more time the better

So is he planning to be "by her side" in the hospital until she recovers, and then "let her down gently"? It seems to me that he's trying to give himself an excuse to continue the A. Do you get the feeling that he'll be in contact with her while she's in the hospital? He needs to go NC right now. Nothing would send a stronger message that it's over if he didn't visit her once in the hospital, even if he's there too. And that once he left the hospital, he deleted her number, blocked her on Facebook, sent a NC message, etc.

Does he agree to these things?

ETA: Just read your last post, that they're not seriously injured. Then hopefully he will end the A even sooner.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 10:10 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]

Chandler you are one brave lady. don't know if I would of even picked him up. agree that he needs to end it now, or recover somewhere else. Hope he does end it.

Call me insensitive but I would tell him to end in now. There is absolutely no reason that he should wait.

Let OW friends tend to her....that is if she even has any.

Maybe I've toughened up since I've been here but I can't imagine going to rescue WH from an accident he had with OW. My WH totaled his sports car and I still don't know if she was involved because he hasn't told me the truth about anything from before he got sober. He was arrested for DUI that night. He lied about it and when I found out, the boys and I went no contact for a month. I didn't even know about the A yet. I figured it out during the separation but he didn't admit to anything I didn't have proof of. He claims the A started about 6 weeks before the accident. I think it may have been more like 9 months. I don't know. He could have been doing it for years for all I know. Anyway... A few weeks before the DUI and our separation, we went out to dinner for our anniversary, he got drunk, he was mean, nothing unusual other than it was our anniversary. It was raining hard with lots of flooding. He waited in front of the restaurant for me to get the car. To this day, I can't imagine why I didn't just leave him standing there. Never again will I ever tolerate that kind of behavior. If WH called be to rescue him from an accident he was in with OW, I would not get him. If WH wanted to see if OW was okay after the accident, I might have crushed his skull in with a mag light (not that I though about that... much). The only contact he should have with OW is a NC letter. Otherwise... I think I'd be pouring salt on those wounds of his. I am furious on your behalf. Don't take care of WH. Take care of you.

[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 10:29 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]

You are nicer than I am. No way in HELL would I put up with that. He would end it now- this minute- or is end it.

He is a jerk, plain and simple. I'm so sorry.

Yea. I wouldn't have gone to pick him up either. I don't care if both of his f'n legs were broken. The fucker should have been made to walk home.

And the whole "I'll end it when she gets out of the hospital" is a bunch of crap also.

NO. It ends NOW.

Where's the *karma* here? He wrecks his bike with OW on it. They are both injured.

You go and pick him up. (no karma because you *saved* him).

You yell, scream, and cry....and his response is *I'll end it when SHE'S out of the hospital?

This isn't *karma*. This is YOU being the guardian angel of his affair. There's a difference.

Stop being his soft place to land.

2 x 4 or maybe more like a 1 x 2.

You are letting him call the shots? I don't think that is getting reconciliation off to a good start. He owes her NOTHING. She got involved with a married man. She knows/or should know the risks and consequences involved. She does not have rights, you do. He has not been making decisions in the best interest of the family. So he doesn't get to until he proves he has his head on straight.

If you want this to work, you cannot be passive about it. YOU deserve respect, your child does too. But you will not get it unless you demand it. Don't settle for less.

He took YOUR motorcycle to go on a date with his OW ... crashed it. Then asked YOU to come and bail out - not only HIM but also HER. While using YOUR motorcycle on HIS date.

Uh NO. Just .... NO.

You should tell him to dump her now ... or that he can 'hit the road.' Pun intended.

You deserve better.

Crash awful yes BUT I'd say this will carry on after she's out of hospital so pls be careful.

^^^^oh yeah it will!

Here's a 2x4- He will feel guilty and "owe" her, he will check on her to be sure she's ok. And she will be lapping it up. He will tell you be has to be nice so she won't sue- or cause some other trouble. He will delay ending it with her and maybe not end it.

He needs to send a NC letter that you approve- today.

Ok, maybe this is a 2 x 4 too..

I yelled, screamed, and cried at him for many different reasons, and told him that this was Karma for both of them....

He agreed, and I said this was my last straw that either that relationship ended or ours was going to. He said "ok, after she gets out of the hospital, I will end it."

I don't really see where he said he wanted you back. He was on a date with the OW, got into trouble, you saved him, you yelled at him, and then he just said whatever he thought you wanted to hear so you would keep saving him for the moment.. I don't see any remorse here from this guy, or even him saying sorry for the affair or any reason things are going to be different now..

I always think waywards should be shown the door, then they can fight like hell to get back in or walk away. Sounds like you haven't shown him the door, you are just grabbing onto him to stop him from walking out the door.. And that doesn't lead to true reconciliation.. That just leads to more pain for you and living in limbo and letting the wayward walk all over you since they can..

IDK Chandler, the accident sucks, but I think you are trying to force him to come back to you when he's making it pretty obvious where his priorities are..

Hugs..

I can't imagine going to rescue WH from an accident he had with OW

I would not have either.

I also do not think he will end it with OW. He was saying what he thought you wanted to hear.

Chandler, you have been on SI for 4 years. So that means he has continued his A with the same OW for 4 years while you wait in the wings and come to his rescue when needed, OR he has taken up with a different OW while you wait in the wings and come to his rescue when needed.

Why are you still with this man who disrespects you in such a terrible way? What has he done in the past 4 years that will allow you to trust him when he says that he will end it? What makes you think that he really will end it when he has not before?

He agreed, and I said this was my last straw that either that relationship ended or ours was going to. He said "ok, after she gets out of the hospital, I will end it."

F' that. It ends now. Period. Screw her and the fact she's in the hospital.

He can write a letter and mail it to her house. She will see it after that way, but for you two its over. ANY contact after that is a strict violation. Hoping he holds true for you.

Chandler,

I know you are getting lots of great advice and I just want to add my vote to the HELL NO, end it right now point of view. I almost wrote, "cut it off", but then that might have a different meaning altogether....?!

Yes indeedy the Karma bus has run right over those 2 and you would think they would take it as a sign, unbelievable that YOU had to point it out!

I hope all this advice gives you the confidence to stay strong sister!

You can do it!