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My wife's not very well- she's got a really bad cold and fever- like the flu.

There's a guy who she works with who blatantly fancies her- he brought a present for her and some medicine- to my house!!!! Who the hell does he think he is?! My Mrs was in bed at the time- sign she really isn't well. The bloke was like "I know things are a bit strained between you two but, she still needs her friends" AAARRRGGHHH!!!!! The wife finds him a bit creepy anyway- in the past he texted her inappropriately and to be fair she really shot him down.

Then at work yesterday a client came in looking for me- he wants me to do this massive piece for him- thousands of Pounds worth. Literally just in off the street, hadn't even seen much of my work so I was suspicious. Turns out he knows an artist down the road (previously had pieces from him) and this artist went overboard recommending me- made it sound like he'd be stupid not to get me to do it... The artist down the road being the guy I sort of knew a while back and who just happened to fuck my wife in January and who I smacked in the face a few weeks ago. What is going on??!!

I told my wife- she didn't know what to make of it either. So, being the hot head I am, I went down to his gallery and found him- he said "I don't want bad feeling between us- I swear to God I didn't know she was your Mrs. If I had, I wouldn't have gone there. I respect you and you know how much I love your work- I have one at home" - so, being the nice guy I am mixed with my hot head I didn't know what to do- I turned a little bit Basil Fawlty and shouted "right! Well! Good then!" And stormed out.... Eurgh feel weirded out today.

I feel a bit upset and weird- not angry just weird. I feel like I should feel angry but when someone says that- how can- it's a funny mix of emotions.

Then the guy at work who tried to give a present to my wife- I could still throttle him but, I won't. Who would do that to a married woman?! I wouldn't, if she was a friend of mine I'd pop round to check she was OK but I would probs say something like "how's the patient" to her husband- I wouldn't bring medicine!!!

My head's frying today.

Edited to add: there's also the upsetting matter of her late brother's birthday coming up this Thursday. Always a bad and sad time.

[This message edited by idiot85 at 5:28 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

You know, you need to stop focussing on other men, some of which f***ed your wife and some of whom would like to.

The real issue is why did your wife march out of the house and have sex with three strangers; risking disease and pregnancy. Its highly unusual adultery for a woman and you have to get to the root of why she did this. For the long term security of your marriage you need to know what was going through her mind and the reason for the blatant disrespect for you, your marriage and your family.

Running around looking for potential and real OM's to thump is just looking in the wrong direction.

I can't help feeling weirded out by things cropping up.

I am focussed on that 24/7- it's on my mind all the time and I struggle to get it out but, I have to if I want to function. I can't work out why she did it- she needs to do the work on that one.

I'm trying to deal with things that happen in my life- a guy showed up at my house, I can't just forget that. A guy showed up at work on a referral from a guy- I can't forget that either.

Um..wait..what??

Her coworker told you he knows that your marriage is in trouble..but she still needs her friends(him)???

This man has texted her inappropriately..and is showing up on her(your) doorstep brings her meds and a present..OH HELL NO. She may have shot him down..but for some reason he is still hanging around. This man is not her friend..she needs to be firm with him and go NC with this man.

As for the OM...I don't think you should be mad at him..yes he knew you..but he did not know your wife...you can't really be mad at him if he didn't know who she was or that she was married...I can see him not being your favorite person..but your anger with him is displaced.

Your WW,however,did know she was married..and she is who your anger should be aimed at.

OKnow, Please note the following guideline:

Thank you.

I'm glad to know you don't think I should be angry at him because I agree and that is a confusing emotion!!

She tries not to talk to him- keeps it only about work and when he texted her something like "you looked hot today" ages ago she flipped out. He's an arrogant areshole- thinks he's God's gift. Since then he's always like "oh no, I only see her as a friend, nothing more" yeah right dickhead. GRRRR!!

Should I tell the guy at work to get lost?? Or should I wait for the Mrs to get better and have her do it?

My emotions are too all over the place to deal with this shit. Normally it wouldn't bother me but now if someone so much as looks at her I feel scared/hurt/angry.

Should I tell the guy at work to get lost?? Or should I wait for the Mrs to get better and have her do it?

Discuss it with her. Would you rather she take care of it? She is a recovering WS so I question whether she has the strength to turn away someone who is "just trying to be nice" or "just trying to be her friend". Whether she addresses it or you do it...

"I know things are a bit strained between you two but, she still needs her friends"

This is the comment that needs to be addressed. What makes this dick head feel he is important enough to dictate was is best for your W? He's going to say that he was trying to be nice by showing up with a gift not realizing that he wiped his ass with it with his presumptuous comment.

I thought you handled the other situation well. After dday, its normal to be vigilant and look for ulterior motives from everyone. If someone wants to pay you for your work, stay in business.

The bloke was like "I know things are a bit strained between you two but, she still needs her friends"

Has she been confiding in him? This statement is off to me.

I would expect your wife to let him know he is not to contact her further. That he makes her uncomfortable. If he doesn't then I would suggest she notify HR about his inapproprite behavior.

I understand your feelings. this shit keeps popping up and must really make you question WTF is going on.

I wonder if there isn't more that you don't know about.

I would ask Mrs. Idiot if she has other things she needs to get off her chest.

(((hugs))) idiot

We're just a group of artists- a few admin people so no HR- to be honest everyone knows thanks to my big mouth- I made it viral, regrettably.

He's always sniffed around her and now he knows I'm pissed off with her he wants to be her knight in shining armour.

I think she's being honest- she's a shit liar but at the same time she wouldn't tell someone to piss off, she'll just ignore. That pisses me off.

It's like one stupid thing after another- now she's ill I don't want to give her hard time

Um..yeah. No. She needs to be very firm with this man..especially now after cheating on you. She needs to shore up her boundaries and tell him he is not to text her,nor is he welcome at her house.

I brought it up with her- while she's ill in bed she texted him "you're a colleague not a friend. Don't come to my house, keep it professional"

She initially included "I'm married'" but I thought that made it sound like if she wasn't married she'd be interested and I can't help but think- she was married when she cheated on me, 3 times.

I've taken the client btw- too much money to turn down and underneath, I know it's not his fault.

The guy at work- I couldn't resist going and saying 'did you get the message'- he said "yes but you've taken my intentions out of context" I said "oh I'm so sorry. Jog on dickhead". A few of my wife's mates heard and laughed. No doubt they'll tell the Mrs.

I said "oh I'm so sorry. Jog on dickhead"

Thanks for that Mr. I!!!