SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Possibly even a hatred of them- I'm sure there are many who wish they could turn back the clock and I'm not alone in this but, I miss how we used to be so much.

I had to chase and chase (and chase some more) to get her to be my girlfriend.

To get her to marry me- well it's a long story but I promise you, you won't have ever heard a proposal like it! I could tell if you wanted...

Anyway, I liked how difficult she was- she was unique- I really mean that, our dynamic was strange, quirky and awesome and ours.

Now she says things that are expected- even more so whilst she's ill. She's the one telling me how much she wants and needs me- I know the dynamic had to change but, I'm sort of in mourning and hope I'll feel that way again.

On the plus side, I think I've found something to talk to my IC about.

Please tell ... I am a hopeless romantic! I know how you feel, I so miss waiting to hear his voice during my work day. I miss looking over at him in the morning and still having butterflies. All the inside jokes...etc. I fear I will never have those little moments with him again, he's just not as shiny as he used to be when I look at him now.

I miss the way he was and the way I "thought" our marriage was. Come to find out it was all just one huge lie.

I wrote a perfectly timed poem, perfectly timed to walk from our house to the park... In the poem I said everything I love about her, in a funny way not sentimental e.g. shape of wrist with a freckle on the left... Anyway, I recorded it and in the poem she was instructed to walk to the park- at the gates my friend was stood holding a painting of me and her holding hands with instructions to walk round the path, then another friend holding a picture of me carrying her over my shoulder (that's another story of the tale to persuade her to be my gf) again sh ad to follow the path- my friend stood holding a painting of me on a bended knee in front of a painting in the park so, I walked over and knelt down asked her to marry me... She said yes so my friend turned the painting round- there was another painting of her saying Yes!

She's never been one to say she loves me but she does all the time now, she usually takes the piss out of me in a funny loving way, now just compliments. She used to love it if she thought someone was into me, now it freaks her out.

I just want it how it was- I want her to call me an idiot and silly, I want her to jokingly say things like "she can have you, and wash your undies" I want normal- not this loving woman who looks like my wife

I just feel so sad- I don't want to talk to her about it, not while she's ill

Most couples must find a new normal. Can you still love her if she isn't calling you an idiot? Can you still love her if she isn't playing cat and mouse with you? I would think that after the devastation of infidelity her former normal would sting. Maybe that is what she's afraid of - hurting you with jokes about you finding someone else to wash your underwear. Maybe that edge will come back. Maybe you will start to appreciate the fact that she does love you and wants you to know it.

I can always love her- that's the easy part.

It's hard to get used to. I know how daft I sound- of all the problems to have she's being too nice- is that what I'm really saying?!

If it makes you feel better my WH is trying to be nice and I'm wondering what the angle is. It's not that he treated me like crap before, he was still doing all the great things from before when he had his A, but now I feel like because I don't trust him, I can't accept the little things that he does.

(((hugs))))

I so hear ya even if our stories are different. My WH had to chase ME endlessly. He had to kinda put up with a nightmare to get this chicken shit to actually give him a chance. Yeah, I swore all guys were the same and he was not this prince he appeared to be and kept waiting for him to turn into a frog. After 3 years of this, I saw he really was a prince. Not even 3 years after I married my prince, he DID turn into a frog. He was the goofy guy that was so into me, after all we had been through, my friends hated me. THAT will never return. It sucks.

I mentioned it to my SIL and she said she'd noticed- SIL says it will be because she's worried she might lose me (she won't). I don't like that though- I liked it when it felt like I'd trapped some wild creature- now I've got a puppy of a wife!! Know what I mean?!

Lovely engagement story. I am sorry for the loss that you feel right now. I do hope that you get all that you need. (((Hugs)))

of all the problems to have she's being too nice- is that what I'm really saying

No, I think you are really saying is that you don't have your wife right now. You have someone standing in her body saying and doing exactly what she thinks she should...

You miss her.

right?

Yeah, I understand. After dday, and for a long, long time after, my husband would say stuff, I can't remember what exactly now, but just different things that would make me go ewwwww...not because I didn't love him, but because he wasn't being himself. He was being who he thought he should be.

What he had to realize is that I loved him for him, he didn't need to act like someone different, he just needed to love who he was as well...if that makes sense.

In my sitch my husband became him again. All the good "him" plus extra. So give her time and let her find herself and who she needs to be going forward. She will be your wife again if R continues and she heals with you.Hopefully a better wife.

It takes time, effing time....sigh.

Bro, it sounds like you love the chase. A a bit of a 2X4 here but its possible that it may have contributed to her actions. When you lavish people with praise and do everything to make them happy. Its only natural for that person to have a superior attitude towards the one doing the chasing. Your WW seems to me to be very remorsefull. She is talking the talk. And walking the walk. She should be affraid that she will lose you. Do not interfere with how she is feeling. Its actually a good thing for your R and M. Keep in mind that the "chase" is all well and good while courting. But once you make a commitment and establish a relationship it must be 50/50. One person doing all the work is a recipe for disaster. You joke about having something to talk to your IC about. But I feel that its an important topic that needs to be dealt with in depth. Good luck my friend.

Everything takes bloody time!!!

I know it's what it should be but, it's a reminder that we're not right. I put some shorts on today- they're really tight and she said I looked nice- not a normal comment. I told her to stop being so nice- she said "stay away from playgrounds in those shorts" - made me feel better- I bet it sounds weird, it's just the way we are/were- I like it.

After the chase it was 50/50 it's more of a joke- she's affectionate but doesn't speak of love (normally). She takes the piss out of me but if anyone else did, she'd bite their head off!

I know I have her on a pedestal. She always thinks I'm too good for her- which is bollocks. One of her reasons to keep a distance with me was always that she'd let me down- she has but, I know she's not bad, even if she thinks she is.

I'll discuss it tomorrow in IC.