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It's been a year since d-day for me and it's been a roller coaster ride that I wish on no one (with one exception- of course!)

It's been a year full of tt's- outright lies- and nine months of broken no contact with the mow on her third failed marriage. It's very obvious that she wants my husband to be hers!!! After 22 years of marriage- do I believe that he wants to be her husband #4- absolutely not!!!

All along this woman has played on his emotions and manipulated his thinking to possibly lure him back to her. When I first saw her- at a company function- I knew immediately she wasn't going away without a fight!!!!!

She has told him that I don't love him!!! I think of him as only a paycheck and my favorite- she has lied to you so much!!! Nope- never have!!!! Her main objective was to convince my wayward that I've been cheating on him for years instead of me going through a horrible early menopause!!!

Let me just say that I'm a person of honesty and integrity. My husband is the only man that I've ever slept with period!!!! I really don't think he believes me!!! I asked him once if he truly thinks that the mow really has his best interests in mind or she just wants you all to herself! His response was that he didn't pay much attention to what she said. But- I know that he did- because for eight months she was his "wife". He says now that there's no contact- other than an occasional call from her to his work number. But- I believe that they're still in contact in one way or another!!

I wonder how many other bs had to live with the manipulation from the ap who just wouldn't go away and the wayward who couldn't break the ties?

My H's main OW was extremely manipulative. She was my friend. We talked, in confidence, about all the things girls do. She would then take my words, twist them, and use them to convince my H that I was all wrong for him. She also used anything I said to her to affirm and expound anything he told her was a problem in our relationship. She even tried to convince him that I was cheating on him - never have, never will. Fortunately, there has been absolutely NC between them since DDay. Even when she texted him almost a month out trying to bait him into conversation. She got nothing. I, unfortunately responded, but only to repeat my demand that she never contact my family again in any way. If he was still in contact with any of them for any reason, I would pack up my things and our kids and tell him to kiss off. He can't be 100% committed to me and still be in contact with them.

Nope. Im sure the married old whore manipulated him. Dont care how, dont care why. Wh isnt as smart asher...he thought he was. he thought he was playing her. he wanted to cheat with her. however she manipulated him it, that didnt out smart him out of his pants. He made that choice. No one can manipulate you into an affair unless you want to partake in it. No one could manipulate me to commit murder.

mj,

Her game is over when you say it is. I'm not sure where your marriage stands, but reading your post, my first thought was "Give him to her".

If he can't break the ties, see the manipulation (I'm very well versed in my fwh's ow manipulation, she was the master), tell him "good luck with that" and "don't forget to watch your back, you know that leopard, spots thing".

At the end of the day, he made the decision to cheat. If they get that far, they will both be looking over their shoulders, no trust, and still manipulating, so, let them. It gets old fast.

Reality is a bitch!!

He will come out of it, perhaps quickly, or he won't. But I would not wait for him. Married men don't get to have girlfriends.

[This message edited by fourever at 9:30 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

OW/NW is very manipulative... I think it's her middle name.

She manipulates him, her kids, one of his kids (other 3 can see thru it). She was able to manipulate his parents, etc...

I was alone not being manipulated... then DD1 joined me... DD2 followed but was pulled in over and over again. till last year she cut contact. DD3 has a little more contact with him and is seeing the manipulations. Eventually the truth does come out.. when they step away from her koolaid dispenser.

Hugs,

K

This is my experience only and it might not be popular. I'm a guy — a BS at that — and I don't believe that women have that much power to manipulate us.

We choose what we choose because we want to, however terrible that choice is. My WW said something similar, that she now feels used by the OM. You can't be used or manipulated by anyone if you don't want to be. You have to let yourself be manipulated. I asked her to assume personal responsibility for her actions.

It's actually easier for me to believe that she made a stupid choice than to believe that she is stupid because stupid people will continue to act stupid. Intelligent people -- and pretty much all of us, with the exception of the mentally challenged -- should be held responsible for every single one of our choices.

I feel like allowing someone to feel they were manipulated lets them off the hook.

It's better for everyone if the WS accepts responsibility and acts to lessen the pain he or she caused. Seriously, personal responsibility is the path to true love, at least for me.

Hope this is food for thought.

Nah. She (well, the "last"one) certainly is manipulative, needy, and selfish....but she hardly corners the market. While she was jockeying to get her literal and figurative holes filled, Mr. Trac-Fone was manipulating the hell out of her---and me--too.

I am NOT in the "OW is not to be blamed" camp--I hold her equally responsible, really...but she's certainly no *more* responsible than Trac-Fone.

reading your post, my first thought was "Give him to her"

Mine too.

do I believe that he wants to be her husband #4- absolutely not!!!

Well, to be quite honest, your WH isn't acting as if he wants to be YOUR husband either.

He's been breaking NC for 9 months....and you haven't put your bitch boots on yet? Seriously???

You know that song that's played a lot right now called Troublemaker? There's a line where the guy says "there must be poison in those fingertips of yours....because I keep coming back to you for more."

^^That's bullshit. Your WH goes back to her and maintains contact with her because he WANTS to, not because she has some 'magical powers' or because she is the queen of manipulation.

If he wanted to shut her down...he would. Period.

She isn't your problem. Your WH is.

Bitch boots. Find'em.

I agree with "feelingsomuch" 100%

If you want to cheat you make it happen. The AP doesnt have some magical powers of manipulation. no irresistible penis or vajay-jay. They are just available and looking for the same thing as our spouses. Jmo...the best thing i did was call up mow and tell her she could have him. Then i told wh to go be with her. They were both dumbfounded. The jig was up. The fantasy gone. ITS A GAME BOTH THE CHEATING SPOUSE AND THE AFFAIR PARTNER PLAY. Its sick its sad. Imo cheaters are by nature manipulative and liars. Its called lack of character and integrity.

In all honesty from reading a lot of stories it seems like the WS is doing as much if not more manipulation than the partner. Personally, other than a few rare exceptions, I think it is manipulation from both parties involved.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 9:53 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

The single, never married OW was extremely manipulative. She got him to talk about marriage, our family, our lives and then twisted it back to him as problems when it was just life being lived out through graduations, deaths, aging parents, new grandchildren, work issues, etc. At 20 years younger she stroked his ego.

However, the manipulation ended the day she called him at work, told him she was naked in her bed and the door was unlocked. The manipulation ended when he got in his car, drove for 20 minutes, walked in her house, and pulled down his pants. After that, the next three months were on him.

cOW was a manipulator. How else could she get H to pay for her drugs, beer, walk her dogs every day and drive her home every night and yet he never even got a peek at those ginormous implants! She only wanted to be friends, yet she would blow off her man on the side to spend time with him and lied about H helping to train her dogs to live in bf (that's a laugh - our 2 dogs are the most horribly behaved mutts you've ever met!)

Because I was worried about his overuse of percocets and I wanted him to stop (I didn't know he was going through his prescription so fast because SHE was a total addict!) that made me controlling. I didn't want him drinking every night as we couldn't afford it (I had to give up my gym membership) and she told him I was treating him like a 2 year old.

After Dday 1 when he told her they "couldn't be friends" anymore...I became "crazy and jealous". Then she ramped it up ... While their texts were frequent and personal - she now for the first time started with - I miss you - and - I need to see you...

She complained about how unhappy she was with her 2 bf's and literally spend every spare minute (at work and off work) with my H. He thought she was in denial and would eventually admit she loved him - lol - as if she's capable of loving anyone but herself! While trying to lift the fog after dday2 - we looked at how her kids have only ever lived with the men occupying her golden vjayjay at the time - how she spent no time with them and how she couldn't be bothered to seek help for her disturbed self-abusing daughter but she was more than capable of seeing her own psychiatrist for her Xanax, Ritalin, sleeping pills and drs notes to avoid work. How they didn't have a home to call their own and yet she was dropping hundreds on a multitude of cartoon tattoos and thousands on breast implants. I said to H - she puts herself before her kids - do you think she'd ever put you before her own needs?

She spent months convincing H to move out and he did ask for a separation before I knew about the A. Is it just a coincidence that live in bf was getting suspicious of bf on the side and kicked her out weeks after Dday 2 and she needed a place to live? She thought hubby had money - lol! Nope! It's all my paycheque that allows us to own a home and 2 cars (which to her seems wealthy!)

Anyway - yes she manipulated my H but my H was willing to be manipulated. He could change her, fix her - make her love him...PUKE!

After Dday 2 when he saw her texts to me and what little regard she gave to H losing everything - his eyes started opening. When he saw how she used bf on the side after live in bf kicked her out (a place to live, money for a used car) when all she talked about was dumping him for months - that helped too. But the real difference was how I broke down and calmly and rationally analyzed every aspect of their relationship - the bubble burst.

Btw - after he had spent that much of MY money on her - I told him I was going to call her and demand that I get to look at those precious bags of silicone!!!

Sorry this turned into a vent...one day these outbursts will go away right??

It's better for everyone if the WS accepts responsibility and acts to lessen the pain he or she caused. Seriously, personal responsibility is the path to true love, at least for me.

^^^^^^^^this and

That's bullshit. Your WH goes back to her and maintains contact with her because he WANTS to, not because she has some 'magical powers' or because she is the queen of manipulation.

If he wanted to shut her down...he would. Period.

She isn't your problem. Your WH is.

Bitch boots. Find'em.

^^^^^^^this

To add to my post - something humorous...h took a 6 week leave of absence to avoid her and convince me to stay in the M...NC text had been sent and phone number changed when she wouldn't stop texting question marks...

So he eventually has to return to work. At first he avoided her bar but the stress of running into her was too much for both of us and MC recommended getting it over with and dealing with her for closure...

So H gets behind the bar...she walks over to him and says, " the dogs miss you!" of course there was more and H handled it as well as can be expected under the circumstances...

But when he told me she said that about her dogs, I asked him, " how does she know they miss you? Are they licking themselves and moaning your name?" just more attempts at manipulating his emotions - he did adore her stupid dogs even though the one bit my old mutt and required stitches...

I wonder how many other bs had to live with the manipulation from the ap who just wouldn't go away and the wayward who couldn't break the ties?

Yep, I was. So I D his sorry ass. I refused to be the third wheel in my own M.

As far as manipulation, OW's picture is next to the word in the dictionary. She is hands down the most manipulative person I have ever know, and let me tell you that xMIL and xSIL are very manipulative but are a distant second to that woman. That is why X was so intrigued, she acted just like his mother and sister and I did not (thus he was intrigued with me early in life -- major foo issues there!)

Here is the thing, if she is the puppet master and your WH is still a willing puppet, then you have already lost him. So get out now before you lose any more of your life to their little play.

Do you wonder how many other bs had to live with the manipulation from the ap who just wouldn't go away and the wayward who couldn't break the ties?

I personally think that nobody HAS HAD TO live with something like this.

Let's just assume for one minute that your H really is that easily manipulated and the OW is going for him because he is an easy target, believing lies about you, etc.

You do NOT have to live with it. As somebody else said, put on your bitch boots and get yourself to a lawyer and file for a D.

Oh I know full extent of manipulation of ow on my h.yes he is a grown man and responsible for his own actions.

But I knew her as so called friend ive seen her try n get me locked up for 3 years by pushing my buttons.

I've seen my h turn into an u nearing nasty man so e thng he never ever was.

Infact its now like looking at a mirror image of ow which is very sad.

thank you for this...I am not alone, I see....

OW "thinks" for my XWH. Do you think if I continue NC eventually he will "see thru her"? Just wondering,bc they are filling my children's heads now with crap and some days I just want to give up.

Who's manipulating who here ? Afterall its your WS who keep running to her time after time. All the while lying, TT and manipulating you as well I might add. OW is certainly a symptom here. But your WS is the disease.

Yes they are. I dont get why they just throw themselves at a mm. I dont get why they give up themselves and do and be everything he wants. She has two pitts who she supposedly loves she shares them with her 2nd xh. Because wh didnt like them in her house she had them at her 2nd xh and would visit them instead of sharing custody at her house. When I first met wh I had ferrets. Ididnt get rid of them bc wh didnt like them.

Anyway some of the things ho said to win wh away:

I didnt love wh because I didnt have anal sex or swollow. Didnt matter that it was uncomfortable for me. My love for him is not doing what physically hurts (anal) soley for his pleasure. Sex is supposed to be mutual and not hurt dumb bitch.

Because I was out of work for six months due to a crazy pregnancy wh had to pay everything. He whined to her about not being able to send extra money to his boys and fqmily back home. She said he could live with her for free so he could send extra money back home. Yeah so how were my kids and I supposed to survive?

Then she said when her grandfather died she was going to get this inheritance. She would share it with him.

She also paid for our move 11/2007 (and probably this last one, too). The day of the move she told him she had heard I was a mean bitch. In front of ten people he put her in her place. Now after almost 6 yrs I am a mean, angry bitch.

She used sex money and alcohol. Both of their three favorite things

Eta: feeling so much is right. 100%. He went willingly. She dangled the carrot he told her he wanted. Its sort of like them manipulating each other.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 5:26 AM, May 24th (Friday)]