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Spelljean (original poster member #35624) posted at 6:21 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Something I've noticed since WH and I have been separated is that he really does only have a sparkling personality and is talkative and charming after smoking pot and having a few drinks in him. He is very rarely drunk, but needs his "buzz."
When he is clean, he is aloof and dull and can't carry on a conversation at all. He is not an introvert, he prefers the company of people and likes parties, etc.
I noticed many years back, he really only acted charming too, when he wanted sex.
Not exactly how this plays into his infidelity or even if it does. But is sure doesn't help when thinking about R.
ETA: just noticed the more bloodshot his eyes, the more open he is.
[This message edited by Spelljean at 12:25 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated
keeponkeepingon ( member #32935) posted at 6:27 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
I know that drinking was a huge part of his A. That is what he and his TicK did. They went out to clubs and partied. All part of the fantasy for him. Let's forget about real life and real life responsibilites. Those are no fun.
I like to have a drink here and there. And yes, I do like to indulge in some smoke. That said, I have never found myself about to start an A because of it. But, especially in the beginning of R, I had to drink some to fight the mind movies when we had sex.
"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"
Spelljean (original poster member #35624) posted at 6:37 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Yeah, my WH always loses control when drinking. He will literally start putting his arm around women he knows only a little and gets way too affectionate with mere aquaintenances.
He's jeckyl and hyde, just to a milder degree. He's never violent on alcohol or anything.
I know most people lose inhibitions on alcohol and that's no secret or anything. But you literally can't talk to the guy at all without it, it seems. I think he's been drinking and smoking a lot more than even I realized over the years.
[This message edited by Spelljean at 12:39 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated
keeponkeepingon ( member #32935) posted at 6:41 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
MrKOKO is very much a functioning alcoholic. His whole family is to some degree.
He becomes Mr Nice Guy and the life of the party when he is drinking. He is very social anyway but it gets over the top when alcohol is involved.
MrKOKO's job involves lots of socializing and rubbing shoulders with the big dogs at bars and top notch restaurants. The TicK was met during one of these conferences and cocktail parties.
ETA: I have seen that since we began R his boundries are much more defined then they were pre-A and pre-DDay.
[This message edited by keeponkeepingon at 12:42 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"
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