SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

At most times, I feel like my WS is trying to work in things. But, sometimes, when I am having a difficult time coping and I bring up the affair he tells be that I am "living in the past". This seems so insensitive to me. The affair only ended 5 months ago and I feel like he thinks I should be ok by now. But when he says insensitive things like that, it slows or even reverses the progress. How can I make him understand how much these comments hurt me? Sometimes he seems so frustrated and impatient with the process and my emotions that I think he doesn't really care to truly commit to fixing our relationship. He so selfish. It makes him uncomfortable to bring up the affair it for me to share my feeling that he would rather ignore it sometimes.

Living in the past = just get over it now so I don't have to do any of the work to be remorseful, earn your forgiveness, and fix myself. Aka rugsweeping.

Your instincts are sound. Yes, it's insensitive. And designed to keep you in your place. And designed to give him a pass.

Sorry dude, but part of fixing your M is seeing the pain of your BS, accepting it, handling it, and helping overcome it.

Stick to your guns. Use the 180 to heal yourself. The ball is in his court now.

(((Onceuponadream)))

My husband told me this last week, accompanied by an eye roll. It's been a year and I will have triggers forever. He needs to bear witness to my pain and not act contemptuously. It's just another nail in the coffin.

I am a mad hatter and I would NEVER say that to him if he triggered.

There is no way he should be saying that to you!!!!

It's not that my husband always reacts this way, but he does at times. He even says that he can't live with the anxiety and feeling like he's always under the microscope. And when that happens, in thinking in my head that its his fault things are this way. He had so much privacy before the affair that I knew his phone password while he was texting with her every day. And I respected his privacy so much that I never looked in his phone.

But, a lot if the time he isn't like that. So it's very confusing.

Agree, rugsweeping.

He is still thinking about himself and what he needs.

It took about that long for my H to fully get on the remorseful bus. He was always sorry, but it was always about him and that he could not put up with my rages much longer. I am not sure what made it click with him and start to focus on my healing. Perhaps it was when I left the Dear John letter and left him for a day.