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@frostedsoul

The co-existence of two (at least) seemingly opposite emotions is frustrating and exhausting. It permeates other aspects of our relationship too: like being extremely happy and sad at the same time.

I struggle with this all day everyday. It's an awful feeling. Constant limbo. Somedays I think I just can't do it anymore and Somedays I can look forward. Today I feel hopeless.

I'm about 3 months post DDay and sometimes I have good moments, and other times the mind movies are terrible. I'm glad to see that a lot of others have gone through the same things we have. My WH and I did the hysterical bonding thing, and I had a hard time dealing with that, I still do. I was worried that he would feel rewarded for his behavior, and was constantly imagining that he was thinking about other women when we were together. But at the same time, I was terrified that if we didn't do it, he would be drawn back into his past behavior. Add to the mix that I have always loved sex with him...well, we all know what kind of mess that makes inside your head. Just keep trying...like you, I am hoping that it gets better as time goes by!

Devastated, I am so sorry you are dealing with this and feeling bad today. I've read your background story and can't believe how smart and funny, you are, how clearly and insightfully you write about it all. Especially love that he "married up." He probably knows it too. But mainly just wanted to thank you for sharing re the Solomon book. We're about half way through and it's already helpful. It speaks directly to my H's issues. Thank you so much for the recommendation. You mentioned that your H was (is) an SA. There are so many wise and kind SI members dealing with that--and finding hope. I hope you've been connecting with them as well. You're strong, lady. Keep here with us, I know you're going to be alright. And thank you again.

@Undone74, I have the same feeling here. Sometimes I consent to sex with him just because I fear he would return to his wayward ways! I've been lazy about sex for quite some time but from what he told me, I understand that he has been straying for a long long time, right from a very young age, when our sex life was very active!

@marji

Thank you. That made me smile. I appreciate your kind words and I really hope the book is helpful for you.😊

[This message edited by Devastated2015 at 9:50 PM, February 9th (Tuesday)]

I think it was actually (gulp) on dday. . and then nearly daily for a long time -- like, maybe a year and a half. But, I don't think that is normal.

At 2.5 years, things have slowed down, but just know that the mind movies do get better -- but unfortunately, they kind of come in waves. Now I can see that I usually think of her or them if something is going on with me. . . I am stressed, feeling down, or whatever. Or, if we are doing something reminiscent of the affair -- like H coming home from work for sex, or having sex in a hotel.

I actually notice if I do have a thought of them now -- so it is more uncommon not to. And, I'll say that the peak for it was not really at the beginning with all the HB, but later. So, don't think there is something wrong with you if the mind movies pick up at times.

It is so painful -- I am sorry. I do try to talk about mine if I can and let H apologize, hold me, etc.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 8:30 AM, February 10th (Wednesday)]

@bionicgal

If we are doing something reminiscent of the affair -- like H coming home from work for sex, or having sex in a hotel.

Hotels are terrifying to me and that makes me so sad because it used to be my favorite. To have that kid free time with the man I love. I hope, someday I can get past that.😔