SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Should I blast her on why I'm "not playing nice", or just ignore her?

Ignore. She isn't going to care why your aren't playing nice. Remember, SHE DID THIS TO YOU.

Get an attorney and do not discuss strategy with her. You can still mediate even if you have an attorney.

I would just ignore her. A comment like that doesn't deserve a comment.

I'm pissed at what she did to me, what she put me through, and deep down, I still love her, but she's making the biggest mistake of her life. Leave the honest, hard working guy who is faithful and puts his family first, for the player who hangs in the clubs, smokes weed, parties every weekend, and told my wife a long time ago he, "gets bored with women easily"

Good luck with that. It's only going to cost you have of everything we own, and the lifestyle you were used to having, as far as the sportscar, the vacations, the house.

Hope the sex was off the charts.

You know what sucks the most? Zero remorse from her. It's justified, and she acts like I almost deserve this.

The betrayal is bad enough, having my heart broken, but just as bad, if not worse, is how nonchalant she is about the whole thing. No remorse, no I'm sorry.

Been together 27 years, married for 25, 4 kids, and I'm treated like a piece of gum on the bottom of her shoe.

That's the way it always works. I know this is your situation and you are hurting. But what your wife is doing--this happens all the time. The waywards say the same things, do the same things, following some script written by the devil himself. They are selfish and, in some cases, delusional. She may in time snap out of it--but not, generally, until they begin the consequences on a personal level.

Don't tell her about the lawyer. You don't want her to lawyer up first. You want to lawyer up first and file first. You can , again, tell her that you don't want a divorce but that you refuse to accept being cheated on, and ask her if this is what she really wants. And if she says it is....file....and file first.

The betrayal is bad enough, having my heart broken, but just as bad, if not worse, is how nonchalant she is about the whole thing. No remorse, no I'm sorry

This is why a clean and quick break is so beneficial for you.

The whole situation is illogical and unfair.

Your goal is to remove yourself from the hurtful situation as soon as possible, though. Every time that you have to deal with her nonchalance about what *should* be a very important relationship (your marriage), it kills your soul a little bit. Limiting that damage is paramount for your mental health.

Another old saying here is you cannot make sense out of nonsense. And many times, the BS tries to make sense of it all, and it is impossible, it will drive you crazy to try.

I promise you that one day it will suck a little less. I have managed to tuck it all away. I access the pain only when I dwell on things. It takes a god-awful long time to feel better. You'll survive.

I'm rooting for you.

JM, if I had read your story a few years ago is have probably thought you were embellishing, since stuff like that can't happen in real life.

But it does happen, over and over. It's predictable as clockwork. And to a man we all have looked at our WW's and wondered "who is this alien and what the fuck have you done with my wife?"

But the other predictable part is, we get stronger over time and, regardless of what our WWs do, we end up in a better place. Look, this sucks, absolutely. And it will suck for a while. But you're at the bottom of a deep hole and when you finally get out it will feel great. Stay the course.

The shitty part is, I have no support with this within the family. Her sister knows and doesn't think it's a good idea, but figures "she's gonna do what she's gonna do". Her Mom passed, her dad has dementia.

My family knows, but doesn't want to get involved. When she is around, they still welcome her and laugh, act like nothing is going on. There really are no repercussions for what she's doing.

I really think if she had to deal with consequences, it would be a slightly different picture.

She's having a great time right now.

There really are no repercussions for what she's doing.

There are consequences. There are repercussions.

Its called divorce. She no longer gets your or your income. She doesn't get to come and go as she pleases while you care for the kids.

You have to show her the consequences that her choices have.

Best not to think about her at all. But if you feel anything, feel pity. You're going to move on and have a good life. She's ruining hers. You can't change that, and it's horrible seeing someone we cared for throw their life away. But, at least there is some comfort in karma.

My family knows, but doesn't want to get involved. When she is around, they still welcome her and laugh, act like nothing is going on. There really are no repercussions for what she's doing.

How come JM72? Does your family not see the pain she is causing you through her selfish actions? It seems very unusual given the circumstances and if I may say so, incredibly insensitive of them!

Well, she's pushing for the divorce, so that's the only option.

Personally, I think she lost her fucking mind. When this "honeymoon" phase is over, and reality sets in, well, that's when she's gonna crash and burn. Unless her life ambition is now to be a middle-aged woman acting like she's 25, partying it up in the clubs until the sun comes up.

That's the LAST thing I would want in my life, so, good luck to her. She's gonna need it

They support me, but feel they don't want to be hostile towards her because they will still see each other on holidays, birthdays, etc. And so, they smile, give her a hug, and ask how things are going

You will be surprised at how much time you won't spend with your WW after the divorce. Holidays? Nope. Birthdays? No, she celebrates with the kids and you celebrate with the kids. Your families will not ever need to mix again.

Whether she crashes and burns isn't your issue any more. She fired you from your job. She has told you she wants a divorce. She has shown you she doesn't want the marriage anymore. If she is with some boy-toy or anyone else, not your issue.

Now you'll need to work on doing the 180, not just in life but in your head. Whenever thoughts like this pop up

Personally, I think she lost her fucking mind. When this "honeymoon" phase is over, and reality sets in, well, that's when she's gonna crash and burn. Unless her life ambition is now to be a middle-aged woman acting like she's 25, partying it up in the clubs until the sun comes up.

You need to tell yourself "Not my circus. Not my monkeys." Or "It isn't any of my business anymore." "Not my job." You get it. Start giving yourself a different direction.

She's making the biggest mistake of her life. Leave the honest, hard working guy who is faithful and puts his family first, for the player who hangs in the clubs, smokes weed, parties every weekend, and told my wife a long time ago he, "gets bored with women easily"

Well, she's pushing for the divorce, so that's the only option.

JM72

She's not your teenage kid. She’s an adult that doesn’t deserve you. Give her what she wants and divorce. She has moved on and so should you.

[This message edited by Graywolf at 2:03 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday)]

Execute swiftly while she's in the fog.

get 50/50 custody of the kids and half of the assets... but no child support (which you could get since she makes more) so you don't rock the boat.

Then go back to court a year later once it's done and get child support :D

Why would she stop. Your not telling her your leaving. You have not filed for divorce. There is no real consequences for her actions. She knows her kids are being taken care of and so is her house. She come and go as she likes. The only way your going to get respect is if you demand it. Serving her papers is a good way to start that. I would also put that she has abandoned you and the kids. I would heavily way the divorce in your direction financially. I would block her on the phone and just tell her to talk to the attorney. Let her see just how great her life is going to be without you in it.

You might actually then see a different side of her. Then again she might just sign and move on. I took damn near everything in the divorce with my xW. I offered it to be fair and all she could do was blame me and continue to treat me horrible. I won the house. The kids and the vehicles. She lost most of her personal items as well.

I sure as hell never wanted it to be that way but there was no way I was going to stay with her another minute while she was off having sex with someone else.

Where is your line in the sand?

C