SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes, I agree. There is nothing left for you to do but file.

You set a clear boundary.

She will not respect that boundary.

So the natural consequence = you file for divorce and get yourself out of infidelity. And an abusive relationship to boot.

[This message edited by ivehadit01 at 6:26 AM, December 8th (Thursday)]

My guess is she never wanted to R. She was only faking it so she could tell everyone at least she tried.

[This message edited by donewiththatlife at 8:01 PM, December 7th (Wednesday)]

Ignore the above she was logged into this computer when I tried to post. She acted like she wanted to R so I would let her back in the house. Now she refuses to leave.

Her biggest complaint about me in counseling...I picked out the color of the refrigerator we bought not her.

[This message edited by dummyX8 at 8:18 PM, December 7th (Wednesday)]

Unfortunately, IC her name is on the papers for the house, you can't make her leave. It's really shitty that she lied to you and said she wanted to reconcile just to trick you. I have a feeling that's been going on this entire time. From what you have written it does not sound as if your wife has wanted to reconcile with you at all. There's a big difference between wanting to reconcile, and just not wanting to get a divorce. It's clear from the things you have said, that she has done nothing that is required of a wayward spouse who wants to reconcile. The number one thing they need to have is true remorse, and she clearly has none of that.

You need to get that voice activated recorder. If you do not have it then you need to pick one up immediately. I cannot stress how important this is. Please do not make the mistake many other betrayed husbands on here have made, and think that your wife will not do this to you. She will do this to you. And she knows exactly how to do it, and get away with it, because of her job, and who her affair partners are. You need to go tomorrow to the bank and take out half of the money and open an account on your own. In your own name. You need to be waiting at the bank when the doors open. See your attorney, and file. Ask for exclusive use of the house, and custody of the children. File based on infidelity if you can. And if you have any evidence of the abuse, the physical abuse she has heaped upon you, use that to get her out of the house, and use that for full custody. If that means the judges, and her superiors find out what she has done while on the job, so be it. Do not try to nice your way through this divorce, because she is not going to be nice to you. You've been her doormat long enough. Time for that to end.

When we were talking tonight about me being the one willing to do anything to save this marriage and her acting like I have done something so grievous yet she has never asked or talked about a divorce before, I asked what I had done that was so bad and I shit you not she said "you always have to be the one that holds the remote to the tv". Fucking crucify me now! This is the woman who knew I always wanted more children and she tells me a few months ago she had plans thought up of how to go get a secret abortion if she ever became pregnant because she wouldnt know who the baby belonged to, me or one of the ap's. Well I deserve that, I did hold the remote for far to long...She talks about perception and one side of the story. I have aired my dirt, im an open book, I can look in the mirror daily and be a o.k. with my path in life. Can she?

[This message edited by dummyX8 at 8:46 PM, December 7th (Wednesday)]

Disengage. I urge you to talk to your IC about BPD so your knowledgeable. You need to know what your up against here.

She has the ability to weave a story that casts her as the victim. People will believe her, offer her sympathy. Its human nature. Im concerned for your safety. Unfortunately its EASY to have you charged with false allegations of abuse. She is dangerous. Protect yourself. SHE IS DANGEROUS!

[This message edited by dummyX8 at 9:35 PM, November 27th (Monday)]

Well not only did you hold the remote too much you also picked the fridge colour.... So yeah 8 AP's, verbal, emotional and physical abuse seems about even.

But seriously. Her choice to cheat isn't on you

Her choice to not respect boundaries isn't on you.

She will paint herself the victim because in her world she is.

You know the truth.

Protect yourself and your girls. Please go see an attorney ASAP and make the playing field level Charlie Brown. Lucy already knows the rules of the game she is playing. Time to catch up!

You need to start documenting everything. Have proof when possible. My STBX has a personality disorder and it is like he lives in a different world to me.

[This message edited by HardyRose at 9:22 PM, December 7th (Wednesday)]

Ugh my WH always has to have the damn remote. He's such a bad person. I don't even like half the shows he watches. So you know what I do instead of cheating... I read a book... crazy notion....

My WH also tries to steal my side of the bed... almost nightly.... but I wake his ass up and say move over....

Small issues like that are what come to her mind??? Good lord I really do not think she is in the same reality that you are..

Try and get her out of the house.

Next time she goes bat shit crazy call the police.

So holding the remote was something that gave her the right to cheat on you with 8 different guys (that you know of) while also abusing you physically and emotionally all of these years in her mind? Well, that and slapping her once 17 years ago and picking out the color of the refrigerator. Hmm. Something just doesn't seem right about that.

Oh, and we can't forget that you trying to protect yourself from her abuse by withdrawing or getting angry about it is treated as though you are psychologically abusing her. Because heaven forbid you get fed up with getting walked all over and kicked around by her.

You stated that she hated it when people would talk about you in a positive way. To me, that really explains a bit more by explaining this overwhelming need to see herself as a victim and you as the abuser in this relationship while refusing to see or acknowledge that she is the abuser in so many different ways. That level of selfishness and need to be the center of attention is beyond toxic.

I'm sorry, but I fail to see where your WW has what it takes to make any relationship work with anyone at all. As you very well know and have experienced firsthand, being with her is a train wreck that just keeps happening. I don't know how you've managed to put up with it for as long as you have. Protect yourself and protect your girls. They deserve so much better than the chaotic life that your WW creates.

[This message edited by ivehadit01 at 6:22 AM, December 8th (Thursday)]

ivehadit01,

You've posted 17 times on this thread (acknowledging that one was a duplicate). Everybody knows your feelings on this subject. Please step away.

Ok.

File for divorce. I can't see one reason and you haven't given one, for why you would want to stay.

How are you this morning,Charlie Brown? (Sorry, I won't use your username.)

Sad and confused. After 23yrs and all her cheating and I'm still standing in front of her begging for hope and she acts like it's a bother to talk about our marriage. I had to tell her that I gave her 23yrs and am still standing here after 8 affairs and the least she could do is turn off the TV and talk with me. She rolled her eyes, huffed, turned off the TV and said what do you want. It hurt badly.

Have you read the 180? It's in the Healing Library. You need to put it into practice.

Stop engaging her. She's made her position very clear. Further contact is only hurting you more. Start protecting your heart.

I hope you took my advice and you're on your way to the bank. As an attorney, she knows what she needs to do to protect herself. You must take action to do the same.

You did get the VAR?

Be kind to yourself today. Take steps to protect yourself..VAR...bank...attorney...But also spend some time hugging your kids...spend some time with a trusted friend...maybe take your kids out to dinner tonight. Try not to engage with your wayward wife.

We're all here for you.

Edited to add...no more begging. Don't demean yourself like that. You are the prize here..by far. Act accordingly.

[This message edited by confused615 at 7:44 AM, December 8th (Thursday)]

seems like those are pretty reasonable boundaries you demanded. She crossed the line you drew in the sand. she smirked at you. She said no.

you can back down. after all, you feel sorry for her. If you do this she will definitely know that she can ignore your demands. You will have to humbly ask that she not do things to hurt you. It will reinforce and probably expand her disrespect of you. It will show your daughters that it's ok to disrespect their husbands, and maybe other people in their lives. They can just tough it! Because that's how their mother treated their father and he took it.

Or, you can choose to fight it. You may end up getting divorced and having this woman out of your life with the exception of your children. Or possibly she will knuckle under and try to change.

the choice is yours. what are you going to do?

don't say it's more complicated than that. it's not.

[This message edited by mike7 at 9:33 AM, December 8th (Thursday)]