SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oh so her family doesn't know? Keep that ace in your pocket man. Might come in handy.

And like rambler said, the Internet isn't classy. She willingly sent oodles of pics out. They can't be taken back. This could still bite her and it wouldn't have anything to do with you.

Keep an eye on that rage of hers. She's all in the "I'm the victim" mindset.

WW emailed me confirmation of her IC appointment for Wednesday. Also she deleted her MFP account and sent another email listing all her passwords for FB email LinkedIn ect ect.

I haven't responded, she seems like she wants the marriage. I don't believe her, only a couple of weeks ago she was planning to meet fake guy and run a HM with him. Also lied about messaging with him. Plus all the hurtful actions and things she said. How can this be real? How can a person turn around so quickly? My gut us telling me she is manipulating me again.

She doesn't know I have her selfie porn thumb drive. Should I tell her I have it and ask for the password to unlock it?

I want to see those pics she was sending out before I would even entertain another attempt at R.

[This message edited by soulhurt at 7:08 PM, January 6th (Friday)]

At this point, you shouldn't be entertaining that thought. Full speed ahead for a while

My gut us telling me she is manipulating me again.

You cannot entertain R with a manipulator. Listen to your gut. Stay on track.

I have her pics from Dec-Feb. These on the drive are from March-August.

I really want to see them, if she was using toys or how bad they were. It is important I know what I'm dealing with, how far down the porn rabbit hole she took it.

I apologize for my post that was here. I would never intentionally break a policy.

Love to all

[This message edited by pink carnation at 8:44 PM, January 6th (Friday)]

Firstly don't jump on the crumbs she has offered like it is a feast. She is scared about what is going to happen to HER. She doesn't want to be exposed. She doesn't want the kids to know. The best way for her to avoid those things is to pretend to want to R.... Give her time. Watch her actions. She needs to make a lot of changes to her behaviour before you could consider R.

Now since she has given you passwords I would ask for the password for her thumb drive. You don't have to say you have it. Just say you see she left it out of her password list so could she give it to you for the sake of transparency. Maybe even ask if there are email address ect that she overlooked providing passwords for. How she reacts will be a good indication to you as to how real this change is...

Also if you are going to R you have to be ok to ask to have your needs met. Not fearful of asking questions in case you provoke anger.

Soulhurt, you were warned that she would do this. It's all a manipulation. A last ditch attempt to get the D to stop. Chances are that if you give in, she will go back to MFP and convince you it's okay in a matter of months. She will want you to be over it despite the fact that it takes 2-5 years to heal. Ask for the password if you really want it but don't entertain the idea of R until she's had counseling and been free from social media/MFP for a while. She could reactivate or create a new accont behind your back in no time so don't trust her yet.

PM for you pink carnation

WW emailed me confirmation of her IC appointment for Wednesday. Also she deleted her MFP account and sent another email listing all her passwords for FB email LinkedIn ect ect.

Is she showing remorse or acting like a petulant child?

I want to see those pics she was sending out before I would even entertain another attempt at R.

Then make that a condition of R, PW or D.

If you show it to her you need to be able to secure it afterwards. Maybe don't show it, ask where it is and some other questions leading to "is it PW peotected/what is it". Maybe she gives it up. Tell her you want the PW, in case you find it, before you consider R. Just spit balling on this one.

Cheaters are inherently selfish. This is why shock-and-awe divorce filings sometimes remove the fog. The wayward realizes that they are about to lose a lifestyle, a role, security--whatever matters to them. At that point they are regretful but not remorseful. Once she has you back she will begin to manipulate. You can take a regretful but not remorseful WW back, but you will have to control her, and force her back into compliance when she steps over the line. That is not the most fun or peaceable way to live, but it may be enough it she remains faithful and if your child benefits. Just recognize you may have to take on a role that you may not enjoy. If you do, there is a small (<5%)chance that she will become remorseful if she sees a psychiatrist and works through her issues.

[This message edited by PlanC at 8:27 PM, January 6th (Friday)]

How can this be real? How can a person turn around so quickly? My gut us telling me she is manipulating me again.

You can't tell from an e-mail. If she's changed, you will see it, and it will keep getting better for a long time. If she hasn't, you'll see that fairly quickly.

Sit back and watch

I agree with WH5 - her actions and choices will show her for who she truly is. I hope she is able to step up, but that will be up to her. All you can do is to keep focusing on your self healing and set the example of how a healthy individual takes charge of their life. When it comes time to divorce or reconcile, you will know soulhurt.

No way to tell yet, just stay the course for now, it's what got you the current results so why change anything?

She may be just manipulating, or there could be a crack on the ice forming...you won't know if you change tactics again, stick to the plan!

The thumb drive can come into play later, set it aside for when that time comes...this will be your ace in the hole, the ultimate test to put to her when she is begging for R.

She should be willing to give you the password in return for not outing her while you are in R.

It's a give & take...she's serious about R or she may end up getting outed.

Just a thought...

WW is out running 20 miles. I think she only wants the marriage so she has someone to watch our son and cook and clean so she can focus on her training and social media life.

I remember back just after Dday #1 how she tried to minimize and justfy having online sexual affairs. "At least you get the real thing" "It is only a step up from porn", "it is a harmless way to add a little spice".

Going out for a run is actually a good thing. It's a healthy way to do something for yourself and I wouldn't dissuade her from that.

The social media is the problem, and the exercise is a problem if she's doing it for external validation and not for her own betterment. I would encourage her to exercise and do things for her, but I would have a frank conversation and tell her that you have concerns about her social media life and that you don't feel comfortable with it, in lieu of what has occurred. This will give you an idea of where things are sitting with priorities in her mind.

Her online sexual affairs are not justified. It's easy validation and instant but fleeting gratification without having to put the work and effort into a real relationship. What is she saying about it all now?

She has spent a year pouring gasoline on the house and trying to burn down the house. She has done "just enough" to keep you to stay, she has tried cajoling you ("you have the real thing" "I love you" "it just adds spice") and when that finally didn't work she tried berating you ("get over it you big pussy").

Now, she is doing the things you asked for all along - she still is doing "just enough."

She has basically been saying all along that what she was doing was OK, but she was throttling back just to throw you a bone. I see nothing different now with her most recent actions. Throwing you a bone. Just enough to keep you here.

The divorce process takes a while. See how she acts over the next few months. Time will tell.

Did you post that at some point a number of months ago she had contacted an attorney or at least had searched for divorce information?

I dont mind her out running, she really enjoys running and she likes sharing her runs on social media, strava and MFP. She will post her run then continual checks her post for likes and comments all day.

Yes I found an email about a month or so a go in her secret gmail account scheduling meeting with an attorney at the end of May.

What she says now about her behavior is that she was stupid, it wasnt real, she was addicted to the attention, she couldnt stop. Also that it took the threat of a betrayed wife from one of the men to get her to stop, and after a few weeks without doing it she realized that she was giving her time to a fake internet life, she was giving time to that and not her family, that it is not real, her family and our relationship is real. She says she has no desire to do that again.

So I tested her with fake guy, though she wouldn't sext with him she kept him interested and was willing to meet him in person.