SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'd like it if BHs/bws only post on this thread.

To BHs/bws what is life like for your ex ww/wh? Are they still remorseful and trying to get back with you? Are you still in contact with em?

Are they in a relationship or dating? And how do you feel about them getting intimate with someone else?

Thanks for reading.

Looking forward to your answers.

PS. English isn't my 1st language.

[This message edited by Cule at 12:57 AM, January 23rd (Wednesday)]

My exWW is married to her AP. I share 50/50 custody of our daughter with her and she has a child with her AP that was conceived while we were still married. Obviously I consider their marriage a joke and so does pretty much everyone else I know.

That's basically all she has. I went with the "shout it from the rooftops" approach following DDay. Outed her to her family, my family, our friends, her employer, and her AP's employer.

She's absolute persona non grata in my family. Her own family is deeply disappointed and ashamed of her. She was the golden child, the responsible one, their pride and joy. Then she had an affair, got pregnant by her AP, attempted to initiate a divorce under false pretenses, told her parents a bunch of lies about me and our marriage, secretly moved her AP into the marital home, accepted his proposal while still married to me, and still tried lying about everything on DDay. Now they are ashamed of her. They only maintain a relationship with her because of the grandkids. Her AP-turned-husband is not welcome in their home or at any family functions. Her siblings and extended family are much friendlier to me than her.

Nearly all of our friends dropped her. AFAIK she has no social life to speak of these days. Just goes to work and comes home to her AP and kids.

Her professional reputation is in the toilet. She wasn't fired, but she's at a dead end and she knows it.

We still have contact because we have a child together. However, co-parenting is the only thing I will speak to her about. The rest isn't my problem and I don't care anymore. I doubt I'd even piss on her if she were on fire.

[This message edited by firenze at 1:28 AM, January 23rd (Wednesday)]

We have been legally separated for over a year and in the process of divorce negotiations.

STBXH initially moved in with his AP when I kicked him out, then rented his own house. She and her 2 children moved in with him in August (about 9 months after he moved out of the family home). They currently live there together and he has our 4 children once a week for dinner and every other weekend. They will only sleep over if the AP and her children are not there at this point, so that makes life very difficult for STBXH. I can imagine he also gets a lot of pressure from AP to hurry up and make this patchwork thing happen - she actually has to take herself and her kids somewhere else on visitation weekends so that my kids will agree to visit him!!

I think his life must be pretty miserable. He traded one faithful and loving wife and 4 children for 2 cranky women and 6 children.

We have minimal contact - finances and children only. I despise him and he thinks he's the victim.

My xWLTGF dumped me for her AP while we were cohabiting in a long term family-type relationship. She initially told me she was going to move out of our place and into her AP's, but after a few weeks I didn't see any signs of moving (we were renting a house on a month-to-month basis). During that time, she would bring her AP around our shared house. Several times I came home from work to find them canoodling in the living room. She moved into her son's bedroom and the two of them slept on the tiny bottom bunk of her son's bunk beds.

So I packed my stuff and moved. I left behind basically everything we had bought together: bed, kitchen stuff, furniture, stereo, television.

She and the AP only lasted a year or so. She's been single ever since.

I have been divorced from my cheating ex-husband for over 30 years. It was only after I seriously started dating the man who became my 2nd H that my 1st H decided I was THE ONE . He tried so hard to get me back...but by then it was too little too late.

He dumped the adultery co-conspirator he left me for about 2 weeks after we separated . He then insisted that I was THE ONE...until he found a new person to go after. After he left...we never moved back together...but I did try to reconcile with him until I finally had enough of his lies.

When I started my new life with my 2nd H...it was in a new state...so I didn't have much contact with my XWH at all. My sister maintained contact with him though. She told me that once he had confided in her that he wished I wanted him back...he would gladly have me as his wife again .

I have stayed friends with his family throughout the years...mostly through facebook. He sent me a friend request once...but I deleted it. I have NO DESIRE to ever talk to him again.

He has remarried...but I have heard he has never been faithful to anyone. I don't know that for sure. His wife seems nice enough...but she has had her own issues...so maybe they complement each other. It is truly no concern to me anymore . Indifference is a WONDERFUL thing!!!

My xWW married her AP. He and his 2 boys and my xWW and our 2 girls all live together 50-50, and my girls live with me the other 50% of the time.

My xWW blocked me from all of her social media, but friends tell me that she and AP post all kinds of ridiculous lovey dovey stuff on FaceBook.

Not sure if my xWW is happy or not, but she certainly pretends to be. She and I have 2 daughters that are 13 and 10, so I am going to be connected to her for at least another 8 years. She constantly harasses me and creates unnecessary drama in my life.

Unlike firenze, my xWW is winning local community awards and has had no visible consequences from her affair.

Wow.

OK, my BPD XW is currently waiting for the appeals process to complete on her disability case. Her new boyfriend is still married, but separated in-house with his wife until the kids are grown (probably several years). She totaled her car in an accident (her fault), and didn't have full coverage. She faked a stutter for several months after the accident, claiming a concussion. She has completely alienated our daughter at this point.

She has nothing.

ExWW's and AP's "relationship" fizzled out pretty quick.

I honestly couldn't tell you whether or not she's sorry she torched the marriage, but even if she were, she's too proud to ever admit fault to anyone, least of all me.

From bits and bobs of info that my kids let slip, it seems life without me isn't the utopia she thought it would be, but neither is it a charred hellscape. She seems to have her struggles from time to time, as do we all.

She's had a few boyfriends in the 8 years since the D, but their durations were measured in months or even weeks rather than years. I suspect they all eventually discovered what she was about and pulled the ripcord. But who knows...it's not my circus, so I don't care about her labor disputes with the clowns.

@GotTheShaft how do you feel about your kids livin'with ap?

Do they call posom dad?

In a way your exww is involving your kids in her affair.

I'm sorry man. Hope you're all right?

Cule,

I'm not very happy about my DDs living with POSOM, but I don't have much choice. I tried to file for full custody, but had to settle for 50-50, which is really about 55-45 because xWW travels often for work.

It sucks that POSOM gets to spend nearly as much time with my daughters as I do. And, as my daughters get a little older, I worry about OM molesting them. People tell me that I'm being a little crazy about that, but all I know about this guy is that he was a former BS, took his BS story onto every famous talk show from Larry King to Geraldo to others, portrayed himself as an innocent victim, and then cheated on his 2nd wife and kids with my xWW. That shows me that he has zero morals and integrity.

Fortunately, my daughters don't call this clown "dad". I'd be furious if they did. However, they do seem to like him and his boys. As much as I wished they hated him, it's probably better that they like him.

This is all part of the unfairness of this experience. It would be nice if either of them experienced consequences for their actions, but I'm not the one that controls that. They will get theirs eventually - maybe after my daughters have moved on to college.

But who knows...it's not my circus, so I don't care about her labor disputes with the clowns.

I've been separated for almost 5 years; divorced for 3.5.

She can't hold a job. Has been arrested numerous times (4 DUI charges, a pile of driving without a license, and one ID theft (our DD's). She's been in jail for a month plus, and I expect that at some point she'll be back for a while due to the DUIs.

She's had more boyfriends than I've had underwear in the last 5 years - none hang around for very long.

Our three kids have very little interaction with her and rarely see her. I think my son is the only one to have seen her in the past year (and that was once).

Bottom line: She's a complete alcoholic mess.

She's still with her AP. Miserable. Hates him but has nowhere else to live. Cheating on him since shortly after I caught her with him. Still unremorseful. A horrible person.

I don't really care enough to find out.

My XH remained with the AP for 4 years, but had a rather ugly breakup. From the time we divorced, he continually attempted to get back together. After the AP, he moved on to another woman who was a factor in our marriage, but not an affair partner. My impression of the relationship is one in which she cares for him more than he cares for her.

We are cordial in person for the sake of our now grown children. Most recently, the oldest DS married and we were able to be civil for the long weekend.

I don't get the sense that he is happy or peaceful - at all. I believe he has mental health issues, especially depression and unresolved anger. Alot of his anger is directed at me, as he still blames me for the affair and subsequent divorce. His relationship with our adult sons is not especially warm or close as he tends to see himself as the victim in almost all circumstances in life.

In short, the same type of behaviors and thinking that allowed him to have an affair, continue to affect his life today.

STBXW found a new boyfriend (not the AP, a third guy) about 6 months after D-day and a few short weeks after the decision to separate. She sees no issue with this approach, and I would say since separation she has doubled down on the "we share equal responsibility for the marriage failing" narrative.

She's dead to my family and the few friends I've filled in.

Her own family? It's complicated, they are basically covering their ears, possibly taking her side, I don't know. Time to move on.

By way, I really enjoy how this turned into a "karma thread" for most folks. I know not all stories end that way, but it's nice to know the universe occasionally achieves balance.

My EX pretty much lost everything that matters off the back of the divorce: the marital home, his children, me, his reputation, our social circle, you name it.

I relocated back to my homeland and our teenage children came with me. He wasn't happy about it but didn't fight me in court.

He's still angry that I divorced him and continues to play the "victim card" that I left but doesn't try and get me back. He has occasionally been drunk and shouting down the phone that we shouldn't have divorced but it's fewer and farther in between.

Everyone in our community knew what happened and most people either feel very awkward socializing with him or are just plain "Team BrokenheartedUK." So his social circles dwindled to barely anything.

He started dating his current girlfriend about five months after we split and my honest feelings are "good luck to her!" I really don't care. She's not the OW. That would have been a different story. The children have met her and are polite but disinterested. I think they are grateful that he has someone so that lessens their guilt for leaving him.

About a year after we moved he was arrested for DUI and lost his license for 11 months. So his drama and self-destruction has continued. Somehow he held onto his job.

Despite all of that, we mostly remain cordial for the children though we have very little contact. He comes over to see them twice a year and stays in the flat in my basement. I get out of the house and he takes over but we usually overlap for lunch and catch up with each other.

I have a great deal of compassion for him because he really lost everything due to his poor decisions but I'm really living my best life now that the marriage is over.

I wish I knew that his life is horrible. He moved in with OW as soon as D was final and they got married last year. They have started a business and he sits in the shop downtown. (He is a very unhappy employee so I wonder how the ownership thing is going.) She inherited money but still works her job, likely for the insurance. They have a dog. Our DS is in college so we have had absolutely NC since July of 2017. Anything for DS goes through DS including holiday scheduling.

I remain friendly and in contact with xMIL but we never mention X. I try not to stalk them online but peek occasionally. Waiting for the karma bus but not basing my life on it. My life now revolves around knowing that I own a house, am saving money and making smart financial decisions, have a great and loving BF and we love talking about our future together.

I don't know much about his life. He has stolen a lot of money from me (tax shenanigans, etc), so he's still a thief. His cognitive distortions race through his head constantly, as is evident from the emails and texts he sends me. So he's still miserable and chaotic.

He just got back from an 8 day trip to Colorado WITHOUT his new gf...so I KNOW he was not faithful. No way he's doing apres ski and not hitting on a snow bunny. Poor poor new GF. She has no idea who he is.

He looks like road kill. From the neck down, he is fit. From the neck up, ugh, horrible. His credit card statements show he hits about 3 bars a day when he doesn't have the kids. That's probably why his face is so swollen and looks about to explode.

His anger is clearly eating him up inside. He is still the same one trick pony he was when he was 22. Still looking everywhere (bars!) For kibbles. He hasn't evolved at all. Seriously, if he's alive in 10 years, I'd be shocked. He's slowly killing himself and doesn't even realize it.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 10:40 AM, January 25th (Friday)]