We are apes in some ways.
No I'm not worried my new love will go away. But he has waited a long time...
We debated just living together. He lives over 200 miles away. Were back and forth on the weekends. He has an amazing job so it made sense to move to him. But in the end we both want that commitment that marriage brings. He is not a cheater. If my ex wouldn't have cheated, we'd be together because I would work though anything for a marriage unless they didn't want to, which he didn't.
My new partner lived with 2 women and the relationships hit a snag and they were gone. While he never thought about marring them, he wants to marry me and he wants that commitment. Just living together gives you an easy out. He doesn't want that, not to offer and not to take. He wants me and my son to know he's accountable for being a good man and that he's not going anywhere because he'd loose his shirt if he messed up.
After what I've been thru (I got the shaft for sure!)I love having that commitment. But I'm not marring him for that reason, it's his logic and drive behind it. It's a huge part of his character.
I'm not worried about my new relationship. When he approached me with dating I'd had a month from the final split. Those 30 days were a huge turn around for me. I finally took off the blinders and saw my ex clearly and I was so happy not to have that in my life. I never felt sad or empty. Never wished I could have just one more try. Nope. Done.
I still have anger, mostly the lies and dragging me thru the lies. I hate deceit and they both loved deceiving me, they took pleasure in it. Nothing else bothered me. The door was closed.
I had eagle eyes when I first spoke to and saw my new partner. Looking an poking around for flaws and reactions, character and such. I already knew him as a friend and I always knew he liked me as more than a friend. I knew a lot about him and all his dirty laundry. I know how he was in him marriage and when it ended. I've watched him as a friend for 20 years.
I'm not going to let my douche bag of an ex hold me back or make me second guess my happiness.
These men are polar opposites. My ex locked his laptop and phone, my new HTB said he never would and if I want to look, he get's why. I can talk to him about the why's after I satisfied my curiosity.My ex told me things that he never followed thru with actions. My HTB has followed up on everything he has told me, not just words but actions.
So yes, my ex isn't going to rule me. I'm moving on. I was going to on my own, I'm just changing my course because it's a better one.
I'm not worried about my HTB. I'm worried about why I feel that anger when I see my ex's happiness. I told my HTB that they came out of the closet and while it wasn't news to be the coming out pissed me off. His response wasn't to get upset at me, he said "The grounds on which we meet, will be the grounds on which we part. They will get what they deserve, you deserve to be happy."
Yup, awesome...but I'm still pissed and I don't like that. It's not me. I want to let it all go!