Sorry about the rant i am just so annoyed!!
You just don't notice how much until you become sensitised to it. Then you realise it is a theme in adverts, movies, songs TV shows, books, magazines etc etc.
Now even if I'm out for a walk on the beach and I see a couple parked up in a car I wonder if they are cheating.
It totally screws with you!
Looking through my wayward wife's bookshelf it's just about affairs and secret lives!!! She has been priming and fueling this fantasy, i never thought twice about it.
The thing that makes me angry the most is how disrespectful a lot of men are to women. Almost daily I see & hear men flirting, making disrespectful comments, suggestive talk and even just down right rude propositions. Clearly there is a time and place and if there is consent, but at the airport check-in? At the till at the grocery store? At the dentist waiting room? Where someone is doing their job and has to face this? WOW, i never saw this before i had my eyes opened and i'm disgusted.
Not to mention the "meat" talk that some men get into in male company, really, i have to just walk away shaking my head...
Thanks for the space to say this divergurl, it's been festering in me!
Me - Betrayed Spouse - Age:43
Her - Serial Adulterer Wife - Age:38
Affair partners - 3 in 16 months (+2 more unconfirmed)
D-Day 18 March 2013
Together 8 Years, Married 6 Years
I work in a Gent's club. I have been in the industry for about four years. Not all men who go to the places I work in are, in fact, douche bags, however a handful clearly have no respect for their relationships or mine. They do not care that they are married or that their wives are faithful. If I tell them that I am in a relationship, which I am not supposed to, (I'm not supposed to say that I have a man in my life because it will drive away business. So I have to come up with creative reasons why I cannot see them for a date outside of the club.)They see sex as recreational. If they can get "it" they will take "it". Doesn't matter.
I feel sorry for the women at home, thinking that their husband is off working or out to lunch at Applebee's with their buddies. I personally do not see anything wrong with live, nude entertainment but, clearly, I have always had an issue that some of the men are in there looking for affairs and sexual flings.
Even recently, I have been hassled by a woman who is recently divorced from her husband, who used to visit the club on the daily. He would buy lunch and we would sit and chat. She was texting me and emailing me saying that I was sleeping with him. I told that I am sorry for what she is going through but nothing like that ever happened between him and I. I do not know who he was with or any details. In fact, when he used to talk about his marriage, I used to tell him that he ought to do right and stay out of trouble.
Apparently, he didn't heed my advise. Idiot. (My dumb ass fault for giving my personal number out to a respectful client. I will not duplicate this in the future.)
Anyway, so, yeah.. what I am trying to say is that there is an entire culture that laughs at monogamy and sees adultery as a sport, even romanticizes it. I can't say that I appreciate it.
I have found that it is not usually found in horror movies, but there are exceptions. Slashers are pretty safe, and if there is any infidelity it is usually dealt with in a satisfying manner when they split up to cover more ground and head into the boathouse.
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
I can remember years ago when I was offered a job as an entry level legal secretary and Perv was dead-set against my accepting it, because the lawyers -upholders of law-wanted me to sign some documents that were waivers for sexual harassment in the workplace!
It's taken a long time for me to understand that they are "just people", but I was raised believing that they, by in large, were out there to support "the population", as my father would say.
It was very strange for me to think lately of these memories and think of Perv standing up for me in those ways and now has turned and is so against me.
What's awful about it too, is that Perv made it almost a generational thing in my family, so that only one of us is not touched by it and she's engaged to be married. She and my mother are horrified at my and my brother's advice and wishes that Fiance' will be around for the long haul, but we seem to have a little more sense of reality.
I also have a neighbor who is a BS, hit as hard on the head as I and now sees the other neighbors as not immune to it. It's become the norm in her world and she's shocked to find a "nuclear family" that's real and "happy".
How to believe that part of the American Dream exists?
Sorry for the long post.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I've traveled just a tiny bit and believe me some view us as the new drunken Sodom and
I do believe we as a nation are at a cross roads in that there is a lot of entitlement and chasing after pleasure.
Just like I tell my kids, everbody isn't doing it, all blackwomen are not angry, its ok to be a virgin.
Just because my spouse was a cheat, I still believe in marriage and know upstanding good men.
His infidelity does not define me nor dictates how I live.
Though I was down for a minute that's their mess not mine.
GOD judges and we all will reap what we sow, including me. Believe it or not there are much worse things than adultery.
[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 9:46 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]
Shrek, How to Train A Dragon, The Owls movie, one of the Ice Ages, and all kinds of older movies .... and I dont have kids.
TV sort of fell to the wayside (I have so much to take care of here, that helped) but when I did watch it: Discovery Channel, History Channel and Cartoon Network covered it for a while .. and of course Cops and the Judge shows I used to watch!
Reading: How to have good relationships (helped me believe in them ... and now I have one because I took so much away from all I read!!). How to detect liars and deception/body language then I moved to kid books and those about people discovering themselves. (Now I we are reading the Newbery winning books)
It is very much part of our society, sadly. I wish they would sensationalize people living good lives, doing the right things, amd treating others with respect. Nope, that doesn't sell.
I handled it by avioding it as much as I could until I could deal with it again. I can handle it now (I am 4+ years out of DD, divorced 2+yrs). I still don't like it, but at least I can deal with it. I certainly have no respect for anyone who engages in it.
It is tough in the beginning.
I also don't have cable tv.
[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 11:26 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]
The first year I couldn't watch TV or see a movie because it is truly everywhere.
It is sensationalized and at times made to look so glamorous. Makes me
They need to do a TV show or movie on the BS and how fricking crazy we go, the pain we endure and the pieces we have to pick up because of someone else's selfish choices. Guess that wouldn't sell.
Hang in there and know that we all get where you are coming from.
Breaking Bad. The main character is a chemistry teacher with cancer, and his wife learns he has a secret cellphone when he is under anaesthetic and assumes he is having an affair so she kicks him out. It turns out he is not really having an affair, just cooking and selling meth.
"Look, as sentient meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgments. Everybody judges, all the time. Now, you got a problem with that, you’re living wrong."
I see a couple parked up in a car I wonder if they are cheating.
But then the wife has an A with her boss, both to spite her husband, as well as to force a divorce. Oh, and uh....spoiler alert?
Really a good idea if Huell is kept happy, or at least moderately so.
[This message edited by aesir at 7:58 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]