"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

divergurl posted 6/19/2013 23:06 PM

Is anyone else having this problem, if i try to watch tv or read a book every damm show and book ends up having or suggesting infidelity!!!It is making me crazy!! Am i only noticing it now and it was always there or is it just becoming such a common thing that it seems like no big deal to the rest of the planet??!! I had to sneek off from my parents because my dad was watching and episode of Glades and there was suggested beginings of infidelity and i almost broke down in front of him. (no one in our families know about the A) UGH!! I only want sometime to not think about it and that is proving impossible!!

Sorry about the rant i am just so annoyed!!

avicarswife posted 6/19/2013 23:25 PM

It is everywhere!

You just don't notice how much until you become sensitised to it. Then you realise it is a theme in adverts, movies, songs TV shows, books, magazines etc etc.

Now even if I'm out for a walk on the beach and I see a couple parked up in a car I wonder if they are cheating.

It totally screws with you!

BrokenBill posted 6/20/2013 03:36 AM

Yes it gets me furious too, and it is everywhere. Unfortunately ...it sells!

Looking through my wayward wife's bookshelf it's just about affairs and secret lives!!! She has been priming and fueling this fantasy, i never thought twice about it.

The thing that makes me angry the most is how disrespectful a lot of men are to women. Almost daily I see & hear men flirting, making disrespectful comments, suggestive talk and even just down right rude propositions. Clearly there is a time and place and if there is consent, but at the airport check-in? At the till at the grocery store? At the dentist waiting room? Where someone is doing their job and has to face this? WOW, i never saw this before i had my eyes opened and i'm disgusted.

Not to mention the "meat" talk that some men get into in male company, really, i have to just walk away shaking my head...

Thanks for the space to say this divergurl, it's been festering in me!

ladyphoenix84 posted 6/20/2013 08:50 AM

I have said aloud, if this shit didn't really hurt, there would not be some many songs, books and movies written about it.

I work in a Gent's club. I have been in the industry for about four years. Not all men who go to the places I work in are, in fact, douche bags, however a handful clearly have no respect for their relationships or mine. They do not care that they are married or that their wives are faithful. If I tell them that I am in a relationship, which I am not supposed to, (I'm not supposed to say that I have a man in my life because it will drive away business. So I have to come up with creative reasons why I cannot see them for a date outside of the club.)They see sex as recreational. If they can get "it" they will take "it". Doesn't matter.
I feel sorry for the women at home, thinking that their husband is off working or out to lunch at Applebee's with their buddies. I personally do not see anything wrong with live, nude entertainment but, clearly, I have always had an issue that some of the men are in there looking for affairs and sexual flings.
Even recently, I have been hassled by a woman who is recently divorced from her husband, who used to visit the club on the daily. He would buy lunch and we would sit and chat. She was texting me and emailing me saying that I was sleeping with him. I told that I am sorry for what she is going through but nothing like that ever happened between him and I. I do not know who he was with or any details. In fact, when he used to talk about his marriage, I used to tell him that he ought to do right and stay out of trouble.
Apparently, he didn't heed my advise. Idiot. (My dumb ass fault for giving my personal number out to a respectful client. I will not duplicate this in the future.)
Anyway, so, yeah.. what I am trying to say is that there is an entire culture that laughs at monogamy and sees adultery as a sport, even romanticizes it. I can't say that I appreciate it.

aesir posted 6/20/2013 09:11 AM

Yep, pretty much everywhere. Even shows up in documentaries, news, sports shows, CSPAN, I sometimes unfairly see it on the weather channel when I ask myself "Who is she sleeping with to get that job?". It's even littered throughout The Bible. It is almost at the point where to avoid infidelity you have to watch childrens programming.

I have found that it is not usually found in horror movies, but there are exceptions. Slashers are pretty safe, and if there is any infidelity it is usually dealt with in a satisfying manner when they split up to cover more ground and head into the boathouse.

Ashland13 posted 6/20/2013 09:12 AM

These posts have all touched my life at some point and yes, it is prevalent in life for some reason...and it's so sad that it does sell!

I can remember years ago when I was offered a job as an entry level legal secretary and Perv was dead-set against my accepting it, because the lawyers -upholders of law-wanted me to sign some documents that were waivers for sexual harassment in the workplace!

It's taken a long time for me to understand that they are "just people", but I was raised believing that they, by in large, were out there to support "the population", as my father would say.

It was very strange for me to think lately of these memories and think of Perv standing up for me in those ways and now has turned and is so against me.

What's awful about it too, is that Perv made it almost a generational thing in my family, so that only one of us is not touched by it and she's engaged to be married. She and my mother are horrified at my and my brother's advice and wishes that Fiance' will be around for the long haul, but we seem to have a little more sense of reality.

I also have a neighbor who is a BS, hit as hard on the head as I and now sees the other neighbors as not immune to it. It's become the norm in her world and she's shocked to find a "nuclear family" that's real and "happy".

How to believe that part of the American Dream exists?

Sorry for the long post.

ifinallyfoundme posted 6/20/2013 09:38 AM

No it's not everywhere. There are good marriages were people do not cheat. There is a push in the media to get us to accept all sorts of deviant behavior and porn is pervasive on the net.

I've traveled just a tiny bit and believe me some view us as the new drunken Sodom and

Gomorrah.
I do believe we as a nation are at a cross roads in that there is a lot of entitlement and chasing after pleasure.
Just like I tell my kids, everbody isn't doing it, all blackwomen are not angry, its ok to be a virgin.

Just because my spouse was a cheat, I still believe in marriage and know upstanding good men.
His infidelity does not define me nor dictates how I live.
Though I was down for a minute that's their mess not mine.
GOD judges and we all will reap what we sow, including me. Believe it or not there are much worse things than adultery.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 9:46 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]

ifinallyfoundme posted 6/20/2013 09:56 AM

PS
Don't give up hope. Stats ate high, but when u look closely at what's being actually reported a lot of what's going on is repeaters, not new individuals.

Hoops posted 6/20/2013 10:51 AM

It does seem to be everywhere. When I first found out I spent a year and a half watching only kids movies!!

Shrek, How to Train A Dragon, The Owls movie, one of the Ice Ages, and all kinds of older movies .... and I dont have kids.

TV sort of fell to the wayside (I have so much to take care of here, that helped) but when I did watch it: Discovery Channel, History Channel and Cartoon Network covered it for a while .. and of course Cops and the Judge shows I used to watch!

Reading: How to have good relationships (helped me believe in them ... and now I have one because I took so much away from all I read!!). How to detect liars and deception/body language then I moved to kid books and those about people discovering themselves. (Now I we are reading the Newbery winning books)

It is very much part of our society, sadly. I wish they would sensationalize people living good lives, doing the right things, amd treating others with respect. Nope, that doesn't sell.

I handled it by avioding it as much as I could until I could deal with it again. I can handle it now (I am 4+ years out of DD, divorced 2+yrs). I still don't like it, but at least I can deal with it. I certainly have no respect for anyone who engages in it.

It is tough in the beginning.

ifinallyfoundme posted 6/20/2013 11:25 AM

Don't give up! I personally know lots of good men and women who do not cheat on their spouses.

I also don't have cable tv.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 11:26 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]

1Faith posted 6/20/2013 15:19 PM

I would say watch out because it is everywhere.

The first year I couldn't watch TV or see a movie because it is truly everywhere.

It is sensationalized and at times made to look so glamorous. Makes me

They need to do a TV show or movie on the BS and how fricking crazy we go, the pain we endure and the pieces we have to pick up because of someone else's selfish choices. Guess that wouldn't sell.

Hang in there and know that we all get where you are coming from.

Hugs

hurtininHouston posted 6/21/2013 07:10 AM

Yes when we have f*$%king shows like "mistresses". Really can we glamorize this anymore!!!! I feel that is deplorable. Disgusting and morally outrageous. What are we teaching our young people with shit like this. It's okay to Cheat! We kick people out of school for that. Why show it on TV for real life. It is everywhere. It is in every song, every show, every movie. I just found out in April. Every new movie that had come out on pay per view had infidelity as the main theme in the preview. I have quit watching tv for the most part.....The freakin voice is the only show I feel I can watch. Isn't that sad. Guess I need to play more guitar!

s+++forbrains posted 6/21/2013 09:50 AM

Personally, I have quit watching ABC. I had a difficult time when they came out with Scandal, but I agree with a previous post about The Mistresses. I just can't get past the ads that are on ABC which glamorize affairs. I watched GMA most mornings for over 30 years, but not now.

Jennifer99 posted 6/21/2013 09:55 AM

WH got some dumb musical kind of movie from the library - Chicago? The whole effing thing was about who was screwing who and lying and cheating. I got up and walked out of the room and he couldn't understand why.

UMBL posted 6/21/2013 11:29 AM

Country music gets to me.. I told my WH that the new song by the Band Perry "Done" was some special sign to me because it comes on EVERY time I get in the car....somebody kicking me in the butt to find a backbone.

aesir posted 6/22/2013 07:33 AM

Okay, I do know of one show that deals with infidelity in an appropriate manner.

Breaking Bad. The main character is a chemistry teacher with cancer, and his wife learns he has a secret cellphone when he is under anaesthetic and assumes he is having an affair so she kicks him out. It turns out he is not really having an affair, just cooking and selling meth.

Ascendant posted 6/22/2013 07:45 AM

Aesir-
But then the wife has an A with her boss, both to spite her husband, as well as to force a divorce. Oh, and uh....spoiler alert?

painpaingoaway posted 6/22/2013 07:57 AM

I see a couple parked up in a car I wonder if they are cheating.

Me too! But I don't 'wonder' if they are having an affair...I KNOW they are having an affair!

aesir posted 6/22/2013 07:57 AM

Aesir-
But then the wife has an A with her boss, both to spite her husband, as well as to force a divorce. Oh, and uh....spoiler alert?

You know, that didn't really register with my memory, perhaps because the reaction they showed from him in the office was realistic, his wife eventually saw the OP for what he was, and the OP certainly suffered some satisfying consequences while running from Huell.

ETA:
Really a good idea if Huell is kept happy, or at least moderately so.

[This message edited by aesir at 7:58 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]