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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Has anyone thought about saying thanks you to xWS?
dindy
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is something I've been thinking for a few days now. I am now way near healed or ready to say it but one day I am going to write to my xWS and say a big thank you. Thank you for falling out of love with me because I became a mother, to your children, and having an affair with a messed up lesbian kid. But most of all, thank you for making me become an even more amazing person than I was when we were together! Onwards and Upwards! :)

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Weatherly
♀ 18222
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always joke that I will send x and thank you card. I never will, because he would read it and think "see, I am a good person, she totally owes me now."

But, without his asshole-ed-ness I don't think I'd be as close to my boys as I am. I wouldn't have went back to college. I'd still be in screaming matches over fruit snacks with him, I would probably be insanely depressed, or just insane, I would never have met Aussie and been able to have an amazing relationship with him, I wouldn't have done all the traveling I have, and I don't think I would have been motivated to make the positive changes in myself that I have, especially over the last couple years.

So, yes, I often think "Thank you for fucking up SO badly, that I knew there was no way to salvage that mess and I could leave with no guilt."


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4502 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Weatherly; I will never thank him because:

he would read it and think "see, I am a good person, she totally owes me now


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20433 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
MyVoice
♀ 35695
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No all he did was have the affair and I'll never thank him for that. Everything from there on in is to my credit, not his.

I'll thank all the amazing people in my life and be forever grateful for where I am now,I'll be thankful that I have this second chance at life. But I'll never thank him for the agony he put me through.


Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 476 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nah...he knows I am better without him.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4215 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
jennie160
♀ 29949
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have thought about this before. If it weren't for XWSO, I never would have ended up with current SO. After I ended things with XWSO after DD I decided I wanted to have fun and be a little crazy for once in my life. Current SO was just suppose to be a ONS, we had been friends for years and he was moving away soon (plus I had always had the hots for him) so I figured what the hell. Needless to say, that ONS didn't stay a ONS. I always joke that current SO is the "best mistake" I ever made.

I never will, because he would read it and think "see, I am a good person, she totally owes me now."

But like Weatherly, I will never say anything because that would break NC and let him know he can still get to me. It's best to just have those thought in my head and maintain NC.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thank the universe daily for freeing me from that toxic piece of shit. But I will never thank him...because he is a toxic piece of shit.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4734 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
trumanshow
♀ 25624
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard about BS sending OW a TY card down the road. Maybe when the dust settles...esp if the court rules she owes me $-that may be sweet


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am thankful every single day that he didn't continue to feign remorse. That he didn't bend to my demands for R. That his dirty rat instincts told him I would never believe his lies - no matter how hard I tried.

Will I ever thank him? No, I might have considered it had he done this before we had kids but I'll never thank him for dragging my kids into this.

Maybe I'll thank the universe - but she kinda owed me one after putting that lower muppet in my path.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5656 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Newlease
♀ 7767
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After going through hell, I have definitely improved my life, grown, had wonderful experiences, etc. But I don't feel the need to thank him.

My SO, however, would love to send him a thank you note!

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7786 | Registered: Aug 2005
npain
♀ 33539
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kinda agree with some others, I initially thought about thanking him. But no, he will continue to believe he was ok in what he did. But I thank God for showing me what a messed up lying cheat I was married to and to get me out of that situation.

I can only do better from here!


S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 515 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
foreverempty
♂ 34426
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never ever.

She took too much away from me with the loss of my daughter to ever thank her for anything. She is pure evil to the core.

Not bitter, just hugely resentful.


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 645 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My logical side would never allow it. Thank you for showing me your arse? I mean yeah, he could have kept up the status quo and left me with years of vaguely unsatisfying meh, but he could also have chosen to be a decent human being. It would be like thanking someone for peeing all over your outfit because you really like the new one you just bought yourself and wouldn't have needed it if they hadn't destroyed the old one.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3521 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Jpapageorge
♂ 31800
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If WXGF hadn't cheated and left me, I wouldn't have had to get a new roomate. If I didn't get a new roomate, there would never have been a fire in his room. If my roomate had not burned up his room, I would never have had the inclination to do a full remodel on my house. Therefore I should possibly send WXGF a thank you note for giving me the remodeled house she always wanted.

It would be strange, on the other hand, to send WXGF a thank you note for the pleasure of meeting some really cool people at a G2G.


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1761 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have written XH a few thank-you even wrote OW/NW one or three.

Send them -- no way. They would try to get some sort of payment out of me.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
thebighurt
♀ 34722
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thank the universe daily for freeing me from that toxic piece of shit. But I will never thank him...because he is a toxic piece of shit.

^^^^This. Great minds think alike.

Hope you get that satisfaction, trumanshow!

Have to agree with Jpapa, too! Infinitely better than the person I was hanging around with!


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2463 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think my thanking him would just hurt him. He gets crickets now and crickets later. Crickets forever and ever.

Am I grateful? Oh hell yes.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3235 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
fraeuken
♀ 30742
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am with Tesla!

I could have done without the pain, however laying awake in my bed early this morning, watching the sunrise over Venice, Italy, having my daughters right next to me, taking them on a Gondola ride today and knowing that a wonderful silverfox with baby blue eyes and a tan is waiting for me half way around the world - I count my blessings every day many times over.

With XH, I would never have been able to have this vacation with my girls and my parents. With him gone, I experience the love of real man, not somebody who refuses to grow up.

I will never thank him but I will not hide how happy I am without him.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Bluebird26
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way, I will never thank him for the hurt and pain he caused.

I did contemplate sending a thank you card to the OW after my divorce hearing but don't want to give them the satisfaction either.

He could have been a adult about it and left the marriage prior to starting any of his numerous affairs.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
aesir
♂ 17210
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kinda figure that would be unsportsmanlike conduct.

I had been happy before, and I always knew I would be happy again. I don't feel any particular need to spike the ball after the play.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Topic Posts: 32
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