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Has anyone thought about saying thanks you to xWS?

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dindy posted 6/21/2013 07:32 AM

This is something I've been thinking for a few days now. I am now way near healed or ready to say it but one day I am going to write to my xWS and say a big thank you. Thank you for falling out of love with me because I became a mother, to your children, and having an affair with a messed up lesbian kid. But most of all, thank you for making me become an even more amazing person than I was when we were together! Onwards and Upwards! :)

Weatherly posted 6/21/2013 07:39 AM

I always joke that I will send x and thank you card. I never will, because he would read it and think "see, I am a good person, she totally owes me now."

But, without his asshole-ed-ness I don't think I'd be as close to my boys as I am. I wouldn't have went back to college. I'd still be in screaming matches over fruit snacks with him, I would probably be insanely depressed, or just insane, I would never have met Aussie and been able to have an amazing relationship with him, I wouldn't have done all the traveling I have, and I don't think I would have been motivated to make the positive changes in myself that I have, especially over the last couple years.

So, yes, I often think "Thank you for fucking up SO badly, that I knew there was no way to salvage that mess and I could leave with no guilt."

Sad in AZ posted 6/21/2013 08:04 AM

I agree with Weatherly; I will never thank him because:

he would read it and think "see, I am a good person, she totally owes me now

MyVoice posted 6/21/2013 08:08 AM

No all he did was have the affair and I'll never thank him for that. Everything from there on in is to my credit, not his.

I'll thank all the amazing people in my life and be forever grateful for where I am now,I'll be thankful that I have this second chance at life. But I'll never thank him for the agony he put me through.

cmego posted 6/21/2013 08:20 AM

Nah...he knows I am better without him.

jennie160 posted 6/21/2013 09:00 AM

I have thought about this before. If it weren't for XWSO, I never would have ended up with current SO. After I ended things with XWSO after DD I decided I wanted to have fun and be a little crazy for once in my life. Current SO was just suppose to be a ONS, we had been friends for years and he was moving away soon (plus I had always had the hots for him) so I figured what the hell. Needless to say, that ONS didn't stay a ONS. I always joke that current SO is the "best mistake" I ever made.

I never will, because he would read it and think "see, I am a good person, she totally owes me now."

But like Weatherly, I will never say anything because that would break NC and let him know he can still get to me. It's best to just have those thought in my head and maintain NC.

tesla posted 6/21/2013 09:02 AM

I thank the universe daily for freeing me from that toxic piece of shit. But I will never thank him...because he is a toxic piece of shit.

trumanshow posted 6/21/2013 09:02 AM

I have heard about BS sending OW a TY card down the road. Maybe when the dust settles...esp if the court rules she owes me $-that may be sweet

SBB posted 6/21/2013 09:28 AM

I am thankful every single day that he didn't continue to feign remorse. That he didn't bend to my demands for R. That his dirty rat instincts told him I would never believe his lies - no matter how hard I tried.

Will I ever thank him? No, I might have considered it had he done this before we had kids but I'll never thank him for dragging my kids into this.

Maybe I'll thank the universe - but she kinda owed me one after putting that lower muppet in my path.

Newlease posted 6/21/2013 09:41 AM

After going through hell, I have definitely improved my life, grown, had wonderful experiences, etc. But I don't feel the need to thank him.

My SO, however, would love to send him a thank you note!

NL

npain posted 6/21/2013 11:45 AM

I kinda agree with some others, I initially thought about thanking him. But no, he will continue to believe he was ok in what he did. But I thank God for showing me what a messed up lying cheat I was married to and to get me out of that situation.

I can only do better from here!

foreverempty posted 6/21/2013 11:55 AM

Never ever.

She took too much away from me with the loss of my daughter to ever thank her for anything. She is pure evil to the core.

Not bitter, just hugely resentful.

Crescita posted 6/21/2013 12:06 PM

My logical side would never allow it. Thank you for showing me your arse? I mean yeah, he could have kept up the status quo and left me with years of vaguely unsatisfying meh, but he could also have chosen to be a decent human being. It would be like thanking someone for peeing all over your outfit because you really like the new one you just bought yourself and wouldn't have needed it if they hadn't destroyed the old one.

Jpapageorge posted 6/21/2013 12:26 PM

If WXGF hadn't cheated and left me, I wouldn't have had to get a new roomate. If I didn't get a new roomate, there would never have been a fire in his room. If my roomate had not burned up his room, I would never have had the inclination to do a full remodel on my house. Therefore I should possibly send WXGF a thank you note for giving me the remodeled house she always wanted.

It would be strange, on the other hand, to send WXGF a thank you note for the pleasure of meeting some really cool people at a G2G.

Kajem posted 6/21/2013 12:32 PM

I have written XH a few thank-you even wrote OW/NW one or three.

Send them -- no way. They would try to get some sort of payment out of me.

Hugs,
K

thebighurt posted 6/21/2013 15:55 PM

I thank the universe daily for freeing me from that toxic piece of shit. But I will never thank him...because he is a toxic piece of shit.

^^^^This. Great minds think alike.

Hope you get that satisfaction, trumanshow!

Have to agree with Jpapa, too! Infinitely better than the person I was hanging around with!

better4me posted 6/21/2013 16:39 PM

I think my thanking him would just hurt him. He gets crickets now and crickets later. Crickets forever and ever.

Am I grateful? Oh hell yes.

fraeuken posted 6/21/2013 22:59 PM

I am with Tesla!

I could have done without the pain, however laying awake in my bed early this morning, watching the sunrise over Venice, Italy, having my daughters right next to me, taking them on a Gondola ride today and knowing that a wonderful silverfox with baby blue eyes and a tan is waiting for me half way around the world - I count my blessings every day many times over.

With XH, I would never have been able to have this vacation with my girls and my parents. With him gone, I experience the love of real man, not somebody who refuses to grow up.

I will never thank him but I will not hide how happy I am without him.

Bluebird26 posted 6/22/2013 06:45 AM

No way, I will never thank him for the hurt and pain he caused.

I did contemplate sending a thank you card to the OW after my divorce hearing but don't want to give them the satisfaction either.

He could have been a adult about it and left the marriage prior to starting any of his numerous affairs.

aesir posted 6/22/2013 07:09 AM

I kinda figure that would be unsportsmanlike conduct.

I had been happy before, and I always knew I would be happy again. I don't feel any particular need to spike the ball after the play.

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