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She cheated and she confessed

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handel posted 6/21/2013 20:03 PM

[This message edited by handel at 2:59 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

TheClimb posted 6/21/2013 20:47 PM

Welcome. It is slow around here on weekends but you will get some good feed back.

Please, don't blame the affair on yourself. We all do but this is her issue not yours. Nothing you did or did not do caused her to cheat.

Please read through the Healing Library on the left of your screen. You will learn much from those of us who have stood in your shoes.

I too had sleep issues at the beginning. I found that over the counter sleep aids helped but don't feel bad asking your doc for something stronger if necessary.

I think it is a good sign that she confessed. But prepare yourself as they most often lie and minimize the extent of the affair. We call this trickle truth or TT as you only receive tidbits of the truth. At first, my husband only admitted what I had already uncovered. He let me believe that the affair started on Valentines Day when I was away. Phone records indicated it started much earlier.. Probably the October before. Each lie uncovered brings another round of pain.

I hope you can get some rest tonight. Keep posting.


daledge posted 6/21/2013 21:11 PM

I suggest counseling for you both. But you do need to think very carefully about why you don't want to walk away after a betrayal of this magnitude. Read through this site. You will see the pain, the damage that these cheaters do to wonderful people. Think very carefully!

happyman64 posted 6/21/2013 21:20 PM

Because I became too clingy, demanding, and I lost the effort that I used to exert back in our honeymoon phase. Well I am guilty of all those accusations. Its true.

And is that any reason for her to cheat on you???

No.

She is unhappy because you became a wuss in the relationship.

So stop being one. Show her you can be a strong, confident man that makes decisions for himself and stands on his own two feet.

How?

By dumping her and finding a real, loving honest woman.

HM64

handel posted 6/21/2013 21:21 PM

[This message edited by handel at 3:00 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

movingforward13 posted 6/22/2013 07:07 AM

Unfortunately she will cheat again...why, because she has control. When she opened the door, you should have walked out. When someone cheats, they should be BEGGING for your forgiveness and doing everything in their power to make you feel safe that they will not cheat again. Instead, she opened the door and was essentially daring you to leave.

Now she has control and WHEN she cheats again, she will use the SAME excuses to justify it. Unfortunately you are lined up for more heart break. She may have kissed a guy this time but next time she will open her legs for him. Just promise me this (if you decide to stay with her) when you catch her again, you leave. No begging or plead on your part. I don't care if you have 12 kids and married 20 years. When you catch her again, you leave. Take control back of the situation and make her own her shit and prove to you that she wants you and she is REMORSEFUL. True remorse is her thinking about you and how she hurt you.

aesir posted 6/22/2013 07:18 AM

It's a shame you deleted the info in your posts, as I can not advise you on the specifics of your situation. I can tell you that it is possible to recover from this. I did it twice, once attempting to R, and once ending the M.

With the lack of information I have, but the hope that you are still reading, I can give you some advice for dealing with the initial symptoms that are almost universal.

The best summary of what you should do to cope with the shock is treat this much like a cold. Try to eat whatever you can, drink plenty of liquids, and consider seeing a doctor for some medication. The medication may vary depending on what you are feeling, and could include sleep aids, anti depressants, and anti anxiety medication.

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