Late April My First Clue
Me: Hey I am going to Vegas in June with the boys for Dr. Xs going away party Is that OK?
Her: Sure, you know you have a free pass to fuck other girls if you want.
Me: What the hell are you talking about?!!! That is bizarre. Are you OK?? Why would you say that?
May 23rd 1st intercepted text
" I miss u, can I come see u?"
"No my Dad's is over"
Confrontation. Denial. "We are just friends and you know that". We have had our issues and you work so much, its nice to talk with him."
Her parents drop by in the middle of this fight and we have a spontaneous intervention suspecting all this shit is related to her drinking. We give her 2 weeks to find a place for rehab.
May 24 My 10 year old finds an additional phone in her purse.
Confrontation. Denial "I just found this in the yard. I think its the gardeners. I am waiting until they come next to
return it." Then, "I enjoy his company and we meet over coffee, that phone was to keep you from getting jealous"
May 24 I text the OM (whose wife cheated on him, then divorce)
"looks like its your turn to break up a marriage and family."
May 29 I see attorney
May 31 OM response
"Not sure where that came from. Love for the kids to have a play date. Your place or mine & if there are issues we need to discuss I am more than happy to . Nothing going on between your wife and I."
Meanwhile my wife and I are looking for places for her to go into rehab soon.
June 1
We go to a nice dinner together and she is uncharacteristically kissing me, touching me (not sexually) at the table saying how she loves me, can't imagine life without me.
June 2
I am on call. Unusually light for emergencies that day so I come home. She is asleep or passed out by the pool and I look at her phone and find this.
OM: Me and mine on stay cation" pic
WW: Adorably sexy. Goodness I miss u & don't know what I will do this summer (she leaves for 2 months).
OM: I know
WW:I luv u & am drawn to you every second of every day. I can't explain it either. I am a self-reliant woman who doesn't need a man, but I need you. I pace my house all day wanting to talk with you. How pathetic is that?
OM: I figured
WW: I am bawling like a baby right now. I ma at a cross roads & do not know which way to turn. I know the direction I should b headed, but want the other. (mind you he is unemployed and she is high maintenance). This sucks for all involved. I think I'll call my Mom believe or not (she didn't).
OM: Yup, maybe a good idea
WW: she is awesome you would love her.
OM: OK
Hammer comes down. I tell her I have already met with an attorney, I will get 100% custody and fuck off, although I was crying. I got in the car (her car the high end German sports car she loves but is leased through my practice) unscrewed the bling license plate holder and threw it at her. I drove to her parents and cried to them that there is more than drinking. I showed them the evidence and phone records.
During my drive I get these texts:
WW: I will seek out any mental/physical treatment u see fit for me. I love you and know what I did was wrong. I am not asking for forgiveness, just a chance as a family. I get the fact that I fucked that one up but I am begging you to come home and lets work this out. I love you even if my actions haven't shown it. "Seeing you cry killed me. I am sorry to have hurt u like that. It's real to me and I am sorry."
"Maybe its a midlife crisis? I now see all that has taken 43 yrs to build I have destroyed. I swear to u this would never happen again. I need my life back and to be the women you married not this old washed up shell. I will go to rehab in a shared room?! (previously the Queen would only go if there was room in their executive suite.)"
Per the housekeeper (I trust her), she drives to his house and tells him its over
June 3 Her father forces her into rehab about 8 am and I find this note on her (now my car) at 6 am
"As I stay awake at 2am, I am sickened by my behavior. I will seek help for my multitude of problems. I do love you and our family.
I will seek treatment. I do not expect you to take me back, but I sure hope you do. I think deep down I was trying to be caught in the inappropriate friendship because only then we could work on things. What I didn't see was the full effect of my actions on you and the children. I will forever be sorry. Please try to forgive me. Maybe it took a wake-up call to show me the preciousness of life and realize actions go way beyond ourselves.
I took a vow and broke it, not physically, bt that doesn't matter. Sorry to hurt you like that and sorry to have hurt the family."
June 7 Housekeeper confirms to me she was bringing guy into my house and doing him.
June 8 I press her and she admits to 3 romps and 1 parking lot BJ.
June 10 Intercepted email to best friend from rehab
"Yes, I really need this and knew it. I am not scared anymore. I am excitied to live a sober lifeand get the real me back. The hardest part will be if (me) decides to leave me. That is what I am most scared
of. Fucking up a marriage is a hard thing to fix."
June 11 Email to me
"The fact remains true that I love you. I dont give a shit about OM. I know you find that hard to believe, but its true"
June 14 Email to me
"I will never stop loving you. I want our marriage to work and work even better with me healthy."
June 15 Email to me
"I love you so very much and I am excited to start life over."
"You are my love forever. I hope you understand that I am not lying when I say I love you. I have hurt you so much and do not know how to approach you yet. You say I repulse you so I just do not know what to do or not to do."
I cant believe what I have done to us and our family. I do not know if I will ever forgive myself for that or what brought me to do what I did. I have no answers and may never have them."
"Toward the end, I was living my life in a fog. In some sick twisted part of my brain I think I wanted to do something to get your attention. Well I did that! I suppose it took such depravity on my part to get help and your attention. I understand why you didn't want to go to MC, but I couldn't see it then. I wish we could have been more honest with one another months ago."
June 17 Personal conversation.
I tell her my son cannot play on the same soccer team as the OM's son is also on the team. Within a few hours, without telling me but me intercepting e-mails, she has removed him from his current team and placed him on a different team in an entirely different league.
June 25 intercerpted email to best friend.
"I get out on the afternoon of the 2nd. I am scared to go back to the hood as everyone knows everything. The guilt & shame is tearing me up but as the saying goes, "You make your bed so sleep in it."
I am terrified Rattus will never forgive me. I really realize how much I do love him through all this. I did a really shitty thing and have great remorse! I can't take it back so I just have to continue to heal and be a better person, showing him how much I love him. "
I know this is long, but it was kinda therapeutic to organize this and get it out there. Your eyes will see things in these correspondence that I can't. I am resolutely on 180 but my biggest concern about R is the energy needed to deal with alcoholism will sap the energy need to reconcile. I am 60 D/40 R today.
I am interested to hear you take on this crap cuz I am too emotional to analyze it.
BEST TO YOU ALL!
[This message edited by Rattus2000 at 10:40 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]