SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

something that insinuates they might think you were a slut if they knew how many people you'd had sex with.

You

-say nothing

-blurt out "I've had sex with X people"

-wait till later to tell

- ?????

I said nothing. I mean, I don't usually blurt out how many folks I've had sex with on a first date. I consider that bad form.

But now, part of me feels like why bother with a second date when I know how he'll feel (supposedly) when he finds out. And by not blurting it out I feel dishonest.

I would say nothing.

On a first date, I would NOT be comfortable sharing that kind of personal information. Just... no.

If his comment left a bad enough taste in your mouth, I wouldn't concern myself with a second date.

I said nothing. I mean, I don't usually blurt out how many folks I've had sex with on a first date. I consider that bad form.

Of course you do! And what about bad form to ASK?????

This guy doesn't warrant a second date because he is

1. rude

2. judgmental

3. has already managed to make you feel bad about yourself for something you cannot change.

NEXT!

and (((hugs))) to you.

Classy! Not! Next!

Ok in his defense he was telling a story about a women he met online who wanted to have sex on the first date and she'd done this with 8 other guys and never had a second date (she offered up all this info to him).

So my date was even less inclined to have sex (which he already doesnt believe in doing that early) because of the number of folks she'd been with. Which I can understand from a risk perspective? I dunno.

Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion and assuming he's judging. He didn't ASK me how many people I'd slept with.

That's completely inappropriate to be discussing on a first date.

And what would my answer be? "I don't remember." 'Cuz that's honest. And that would be the last date I'd have with that person. OMG, am I actually facing this some day again???

To be honest I don't think that's an appropriate question until far down the line. And if I believe judgment will be involved I doubt I'd feel the inclination to ever share that, because I doubt we would be dating long.

[This message edited by persevere at 10:51 PM, June 28th (Friday)]

Totally inappropriate story to tell on a first date. What a huge turn off!!!!

This guy is not a gentleman and has no sense of boundaries. Who wants sto hear about his previous dates sex stories. That's just yuck.

Sorry I can't stop double posting from this iPad!!!!

[This message edited by InnerLight at 12:11 AM, June 29th (Saturday)]

I would probably have said something like, "8 isn't that many"

I vote for totally inappropriate story and NEXT!

To me, talking about sex on a first date is a huge red flag.

I think it's fine to talk anecdotally about sex on a first date and he was not asking about you. If and when he or someone else does, you paraphrase Andi McDowell and say "fewer than Madonna, more than Princess Diana".

Ok in his defense he was telling a story about a women he met online who wanted to have sex on the first date and she'd done this with 8 other guys and never had a second date (she offered up all this info to him).

Context is everything. Was this about the perils of online dating and this was his war story (since he probably never dated cheesy nut man), or was this about how pure he was and how many hos are out there?

If it seemed at all judgemental, might I suggest American Pie and the Rule Of Three. Just don't play it like a girl, multiply, don't divide. If he seems really douchey and average penis size comes up, follow the same rules when answering.

Aesir - we were discussing the perils of online dating and how he doesn't know what the "rules" are these days and stuff like that.

I think I just jumped to conclusions.

I might have made a similar comment in that context, not being judgemental about the numbers, but puzzled by the totally alien concept of having sex with someone you don't want to have another date with.

Your feelings are your guide. If you felt uncomfortable, that was significant. If it didn't bother you then continue on. Everyone is different. If you go on another date with him and find yourself feeling uncomfortable again then definitely next him.

I look at it a little differently. He was sharing an OLD experience. I am sure that the pressure to do the nasty on a first date really turned him off. And maybe the number that turned him off was that she had done this same routine 8 times.

GDM and I have been together 3 years, and "the number" has never come up. We had any number of frank discussions about exclusivity, diseases, etc. before we became intimate, but I never felt like knowing "the number" was critical to really knowing him. Let's face it--we can all be pretty stupid in our youth or go through a patch where we do things that later we do not condone. Are we not more than that as we mature and go through life?

If you like him, I would consider another chance. At least if he says something again that smacks of being judgmental, you will know.

But seriously, I look at it that he was sharing a crazy story and maybe he was trying in a roundabout way to reassure you he wasn't a sex-crazed fiend who fell into bed with every Rosie Round-Heels he met.

When I think back at how GDM's actions early on could have easily been interpreted as "red flags," I am glad I gave him the chance. We took the time to know each other and in that time, I was able to make a good and informed decision on who he was and how I wanted to proceed.

Cat

Thanks all.

I've come to the conclusion that he meant nothing negative through the conversation at all.I certainly did a poor job of explaining how and why the subject came up. And that it was just ME who warped it in my interpretation. I made myself uncomfortable.

Sometimes you just can't win. Or predict someone's thoughts. I knew a man who said it made him sick and disgusted to think I was married for so many years to one person so I probably had a lot of sex without a condom. Which made him ill. He said with a penis, you can "wash" it off but a woman probably has "residue" inside of her forever. Those were his exact words.

He also said he could never have sex with a woman with stretch marks because if he saw them, it was "evidence" a man was there. Because a baby had grown there.

Honestly, I probably had less sex in the 25 years I was with my XH than a single person. He thought that was gross too but at least in his mind a single woman would have used a condom. I think he wanted a middle-age virgin, really.