HH72 - Welcome, and sorry you had to find us, but know that there are many of us here that have similar experiences, and offer understanding, empathy, and support, and a guiding hand to help prevent you from making some of the mistakes we did.
I am sorry that your wife has been taken by the body snatchers, at least that's what seemed like happened to my H when he had his A. You need to understand and accept that the person you married, is no longer there. Not sure where she went, or when or if she will be back, but she's gone for now. Once you understand that your spouse is a stranger, and strangers can't be trusted you can move forward, a little more carefully. Some of this may seem a bit harsh, but I say these things to help you understand what you deserve, and should have to rebuild your realtionship to a healthy level.
There are a few things, that you NEED to do to protect you.
1. Read the Library, up there on the left side of the screen, there is a TON of information in it that will help you understand what's happening, and how things can play out looking forward.
2. PUT YOU and your KIDS number one. Make sure they are getting the love and attention they need and love, because that stranger is NO LONGER the Good Mom. So focus on them and you, make sure you are eating, sleeping, and keeping hydrated, if you can't seem to do these things, it is OK many of us can't in the early days. Go to your DR, and let them know what's going on , and get some medication to allow you to sleep, and antidepressants if necessary.
3. PROTECT YOU !!!!!
Get STD Tested like yesterday, along with that, do NOT consider having intercourse with your spouse without protection until she tests clean for 6 months.
GET TO AN ATTORNEY go over what would happen should you D. YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS. KNOWLEDGE is Power, the fear of WHAT IF, has lead many to allow their spouse to continue their behaviors for far too long.
4. Once you have seen the attorney you NEED to draw your proverbial line in the sand. NO MORE going to websites, NO MORE sexting, NO MORE random sex. It ends. PERIOD....Be prepared to follow through with the consequences should she choose not to stop.
She has NOT stopped yet, because she has NOT had severe consequences for her actions. You should not be an option. YOU are her Spouse. She stops, or she leaves period.
NOW Heres the tricky part with this, she may opt to leave, but most likely only for a brief period, many Waywards realize what they have to loose when they are shown the door. But YOU HAVE to demand the respect you deserve. YOU have to say this is it. Otherwise she's just going to take it underground, sneak, and not deal with the real shit that she has created. You dont want to loose your M, but you don't realize that it's already gone. She took it and threw it out when she hopped on that dreadful website.
I get not wanting to hurt your kids, I do. But I can also say that your kids deserve to have at least ONE parent that is willing to show them what is right and wrong. To be the strong one. She isn't the person to do that right now.
NOW KNOW THIS ----SHE CHOSE THIS. What she chose has NOTHING to do with who YOU are. YOU did NOTHING to cause this. This isn't about what you look like, the money you make, the car you drive, the things you fix, the sex you have, or the dad you are. THIS is all about something very broken within her. She can be the ONLY one to fix that.
Keep coming here, keep posting.
((((and strength))))