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Text anxiety

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lonelylost posted 7/10/2013 16:52 PM

Been seeing someone who seems like a really good fit. The first two months were wonderful. He is big into texting. I never was but it was charming receiving a text from him several times a day...all with a purpose not that bs that you don't care about.

Anyway, within the last two weeks he cut back dramatically. Like, I'm lucky to receive 2-3 in a whole day and that's only because we have been saying "good morning/goodnight" every day. Corny, I know. But I like it.

Now I'm not the kind to keep texting him to get a response. I figure if he doesn't want to hear from me than I'm not going to turn into a stalker. I have said that I've noticed he has been quiet lately. He claims to be depressed.

Because of everything I've gone through, I automatically think he has someone else. I automatically think he doesn't like me.

I won't show him I'm upset, however I can't stop thinking about it. It is such a noticeable difference and makes me very sad.

Any thoughts would be helpful...thank you!

Amazonia posted 7/10/2013 17:06 PM

Does he always initiate the texts? Before I mean. Maybe he feels like you don't reciprocate so maybe you don't like it?

lonelylost posted 7/10/2013 19:26 PM

After 8 weeks of texting back and forth all day, I have initiated as well. I would call it even. However, not only has he not been texting much in the last 2 weeks, but sometimes he doesn't respond to me.

When we go out, which is once a week, he has the phone glued to him and responds to texts frequently. Also, his phone is on silent, which is kind of a trigger for me.

BTW, we are firm in our faith, so sleeping together has not happened, is not an issue, so his lack of attention towards me isn't because he got what he wanted and now isn't interested anymore.

The thing is, just last Sunday he told me how attracted he is to me. Why would a guy suddenly stop texting? I understand depression can drain you, but why when we go out is he texting or responding to whomever?

I guess my question is, am I overreacting because of my wxh's actions or is something legitimately wrong?

Kajem posted 7/10/2013 19:35 PM

I'll ask this: Do you text while you are with him?


My reaction to texting IS triggered by my XH and XSO. BUT I try very hard NOT to text when I have people in front of me... I find it rude to take attention away from the person in front of me in favor of the person texting me. I also do not like to be the person who went to the trouble to be in front of someone and have them texting... it sends the message that the person texting is MORE important than the one who went to the trouble to spend time with you.

JMHO.

lonelylost posted 7/10/2013 23:37 PM

I'll ask this: Do you text while you are with him?

Never. I don't text when I'm with other people.
I too think it's rude, but I don't have the balls to say anything I guess. A couple of times he offered and said...oh, it's my kids. Maybe he felt guilty, maybe he was lying. I never even ask! I guess I'm too chicken.

I don't like the fact that in my mind I automatically assume he is doing no good because of how ex was, but I don't know how to shake that feeling.

aesir posted 7/11/2013 05:03 AM

I have been doing this a bit longer than you have, and I have been through some of the communication droughts that you speak of, the kind where you first start to feel like something has changed. I did my best to be rational and think of all the other responsibilities she had, and that I had some times that were similar in my life. Inevitably things would get sorted out and dealt with in life, and we would have a period of almost "text bombing". Anecdotally I have noticed certain patterns related to the calender regarding the frequency of texts. If I had kept better records, I could probably do the math and identify the relevant harmonics operating on a weekly, monthly, and quarterly cycle. Not enough data to calculate the annual cycle.

If the above is tl;dr, the short version is try not to panic over what may very well be a natural reaction to how much available time he has.

chikastuff posted 7/11/2013 12:54 PM

Have you discussed whether or not you're exclusive? You haven't mentioned how long you've been seeing each other.

My initial reaction is to think he's seeing multiple people. But that's the fatalist in me. I would just be honest with him and say "I've come to enjoy our daily texts and I've noticed you're not as engaged as before. Is everything OK?"

lonelylost posted 7/11/2013 13:57 PM

Aesir: Thank you. I will relax and not panic and just observe. Taking notes is a good idea.

Chikastuff: We have not had a direct exclusive talk, but I did ask him if he was seeing someone or in a texting relationship. He responded: "No. But I text a lot of people, some female."
Hmmm.

Thanks guys

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