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Do the WWs ever abandon?

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 kernel (original poster member #27035) posted at 3:39 AM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

That should say "Do the WWs ..." (sorry for the bad grammar)

It just kind of struck me tonight that I read about wayward men doing the lying, cheating, abandoning thing on this board all the time. That is what happened in my situation - never the possibility of R, complete abandonment. Are there WW that do that? Or are men just not posting about it?

[This message edited by kernel at 9:40 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

posts: 5379   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6434759
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hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 3:46 AM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

Yes, there are sadly many. SI has a disproportionate number of betrayed wives dealing with WH's. Not because women don't cheat, but probably because (due to culture, stigma, etc) are less likely to seek out public/group support. You will find more people dealing with WW's as you stay on here and post.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 9:46 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single

posts: 15762   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2006   ·   location: So Cal
id 6434769
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quoththeraven1 ( member #35458) posted at 4:02 AM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

Plenty of them, and growing quickly. We once had a double standard, a "boys will be boys" philosophy. It seems to have been been replaced with "boys will be boys, and now the girls will be too" philosophy. So now the sexes lie and cheat with pretty much equal frequency. Can't call that an improvement. I wish the men would have been held to a higher standard instead of the women lowering theirs.

I think that hurtbs is right about culture and stigma. For whatever reason, it seems somehow more humiliating for me as a man to admit that my wife prefers another man. But do I really know that's true? I guess I would have to experience it from a female perspective to know. I chalk it up to a fundamental difference between males and females, with their stronger tendency to work through problems by discussion. Or to put it another way, it took four years for me to even think that there might be a group with whom I could discuss these issues. Or maybe what you females have always suspected is true: you are much smarter than we are. Or maybe it's just me that's not so bright!

posts: 166   ·   registered: Apr. 27th, 2012   ·   location: Appalachia
id 6434788
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 4:14 AM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

I think on this site, most of the men post on the forum I Can Relate under betrayed men.

But, they are welcome to post anywhere...

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

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id 6434803
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Crushed1 ( member #6449) posted at 4:32 AM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

I know of a couple of guys here whose WW's abandoned them and their children. I cannot fathom anyone doing this, male or female.

~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

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h0peless ( member #36697) posted at 4:35 AM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

Here! Here! *raises hand*

posts: 3136   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: Baja Arizona
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 kernel (original poster member #27035) posted at 11:50 AM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

Thanks for the responses. I know that just as many women cheat as men. From reading on here, it just seems like they mostly try to R instead of abandoning the marriage and their BS. I think you're right - it's just not discussed on here, but it's happening.

homewrecked - I have read on the betrayed men thread. They also seem to be mostly on the R side of things. Reading there reminds me that there are plenty of good men in this world. They are amazing.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

posts: 5379   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
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authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 11:53 AM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

*fixed the title for you*

DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.

posts: 55165   ·   registered: Sep. 2nd, 2007
id 6435035
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nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 12:21 PM on Monday, August 5th, 2013

My xWW cheated on me. She was unremorseful. We divorced. I have primary custody of the kids.

Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................

posts: 1306   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2012   ·   location: U.S.A.
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Baldeagle ( new member #40194) posted at 6:20 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

Indeed they do.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2013
id 6436906
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Abbondad ( member #37898) posted at 6:30 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

Right here: WW cheated remorselessly, moved out leaving her two children, five and eight (I would call them "babies"), moved back in promising them she would never leave them again, then left again, leaving behind a doubly-shattered family.

I guess technically this would not be "abandonment" since we did trade back-and-forth, but it sure as hell feels like abandonment.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune

posts: 2088   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2012
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wonderingbull ( member #14833) posted at 6:30 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

A simple YEP will do from me...

WB

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

posts: 6054   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2007   ·   location: A better place
id 6436919
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RyeBread ( member #37437) posted at 6:38 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

Personally know a BH whose WW up and left him with 5 kids. Decided she wasn't going to pick the kids up from school one day and POOF!No warning no nothing. She found her soulmate and that was it.

For some reason I know of more WW's than WH's in the circle's I travel in.

Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

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Bobbi_sue ( member #10347) posted at 7:44 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

My brother's wife left him while running around with a 19 yr old scumbag when she was 37. She left the kids too, who were teenagers at the time. She had absolutely no contact with her own kids for over 10 years, no Christmas cards, no gifts, no phone calls, did not attend their weddings, no nothing.

My brother was forced to get a divorce he didn't want. Well, anyway, this whore ex-SIL of mine has recently come back into the kids's lives, trying to act as if she did nothing wrong as far as I can see. The daughter, at least buys it to some extent, just happy to have her mom back in her life, no matter what. The stupid bitch told the kids that she married a "controlling abusive man" who would not let her have contact with them! (obviously not that first guy she was running with). It's such crap. She said that my brother was controlling and abusive, too, as part of her reason for wanting a D. For lack of a better word, my brother is a wimp and never put his foot down about anything the whole 20 years they were married.

But whether or not the new H was controlling and abusive, I don't know (now she is divorcing and that has something to do with why she has come back around). I don't buy for a second he could stop her from calling or contacting her children. And if there is any truth to this story he "forced" her to not contact them long before she married him (and she still married him? Was that forced as well?)

Oh, the real clincher is this: Turns out my brother was paying alimony WHILE she was married to somebody else. I'm not one to run to court over everything and I never even took my own ex to court, but I'd sure take that bitch to court just to make her face up to the horrible person she is. But my brother won't do it, even now that this new information has come out. I could continue the story but you'd need to sit for the complete soap opera episodes, and might want some popcorn...

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OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 7:54 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

Since starting my phd in infidelity, I have read about the exit affair. According to some authors, women are more likely to have them, and more likely to really be done with the marriage before starting the A. So they walk on or before d day.

Hugs to you. It all sucks.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

posts: 1486   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2011
id 6437039
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bob1965 ( member #33296) posted at 8:53 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

I've worked with two men with kids, that were abandoned by WWs.

Me: BH (49)
Her: WWx4 (possible ONSs while drunk). Lied about job, worked as a stripper instead of hostess at Cracker Barrel (41)
Married: 15
Together: 20
Children: 2 sons, 2 daughters


Who dares, wins

posts: 154   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2011
id 6437117
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pjkmkjm23 ( member #35778) posted at 9:03 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

raises hand *sheepishly*

posts: 305   ·   registered: Jun. 7th, 2012   ·   location: Canada
id 6437123
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Holly-Isis ( member #13447) posted at 9:24 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

My mom left my dad for final OM.

My SIL left her family for OM...came back a year or so later. It was an online sexting A, they live on opposite sides of the country. Yet she left my bro and her girls.

My sister left my BIL for OM.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 3:25 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

posts: 11713   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2007   ·   location: Just a fool in limbo
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aesir ( member #17210) posted at 9:25 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

We once had a double standard, a "boys will be boys" philosophy. It seems to have been been replaced with "boys will be boys, and now the girls will be too" philosophy. So now the sexes lie and cheat with pretty much equal frequency. Can't call that an improvement. I wish the men would have been held to a higher standard instead of the women lowering theirs.

We have raised the standard for women. Hypocrisy is no longer in fashion. Women have been cheating just as much as men for just as long, unless you think that all those cheating men in the past were gay.

Statistically, R is less likely to be possible with a WW than with a WH. A lot of this has to do with the difference in the nature of the justifications women use.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

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id 6437155
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Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 9:33 PM on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

My mother abandoned my father, but cheating was not found -or told to us if it was. It was done wretchedly, in a few different reasons, because she fled to a siblings, so she told some of us but not me and not him to his face. Well...her next H cheated! She now seeks revenge on nearly ExH, even though it is quite similar.

Both Exit Affairs. It's my thought and a few counselors, that this term is used by cowards sometimes. In both cases, the abandoners could not face the abandonees and basically told us to "go fix yourself. I'm fine." NPD, that.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

posts: 3034   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: New England
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