"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

kernel posted 8/4/2013 21:39 PM

That should say "Do the WWs ..." (sorry for the bad grammar)

It just kind of struck me tonight that I read about wayward men doing the lying, cheating, abandoning thing on this board all the time. That is what happened in my situation - never the possibility of R, complete abandonment. Are there WW that do that? Or are men just not posting about it?

[This message edited by kernel at 9:40 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

hurtbs posted 8/4/2013 21:46 PM

Yes, there are sadly many. SI has a disproportionate number of betrayed wives dealing with WH's. Not because women don't cheat, but probably because (due to culture, stigma, etc) are less likely to seek out public/group support. You will find more people dealing with WW's as you stay on here and post.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 9:46 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]

quoththeraven1 posted 8/4/2013 22:02 PM

Plenty of them, and growing quickly. We once had a double standard, a "boys will be boys" philosophy. It seems to have been been replaced with "boys will be boys, and now the girls will be too" philosophy. So now the sexes lie and cheat with pretty much equal frequency. Can't call that an improvement. I wish the men would have been held to a higher standard instead of the women lowering theirs.

I think that hurtbs is right about culture and stigma. For whatever reason, it seems somehow more humiliating for me as a man to admit that my wife prefers another man. But do I really know that's true? I guess I would have to experience it from a female perspective to know. I chalk it up to a fundamental difference between males and females, with their stronger tendency to work through problems by discussion. Or to put it another way, it took four years for me to even think that there might be a group with whom I could discuss these issues. Or maybe what you females have always suspected is true: you are much smarter than we are. Or maybe it's just me that's not so bright!

homewrecked2011 posted 8/4/2013 22:14 PM

I think on this site, most of the men post on the forum I Can Relate under betrayed men.

But, they are welcome to post anywhere...

Crushed1 posted 8/4/2013 22:32 PM

I know of a couple of guys here whose WW's abandoned them and their children. I cannot fathom anyone doing this, male or female.

h0peless posted 8/4/2013 22:35 PM

Here! Here! *raises hand*

kernel posted 8/5/2013 05:50 AM

Thanks for the responses. I know that just as many women cheat as men. From reading on here, it just seems like they mostly try to R instead of abandoning the marriage and their BS. I think you're right - it's just not discussed on here, but it's happening.

homewrecked - I have read on the betrayed men thread. They also seem to be mostly on the R side of things. Reading there reminds me that there are plenty of good men in this world. They are amazing.

authenticnow posted 8/5/2013 05:53 AM

*fixed the title for you*

nomistakeaboutit posted 8/5/2013 06:21 AM

My xWW cheated on me. She was unremorseful. We divorced. I have primary custody of the kids.

Baldeagle posted 8/6/2013 12:20 PM

Indeed they do.

Abbondad posted 8/6/2013 12:30 PM

Right here: WW cheated remorselessly, moved out leaving her two children, five and eight (I would call them "babies"), moved back in promising them she would never leave them again, then left again, leaving behind a doubly-shattered family.

I guess technically this would not be "abandonment" since we did trade back-and-forth, but it sure as hell feels like abandonment.

wonderingbull posted 8/6/2013 12:30 PM

A simple YEP will do from me...

WB

RyeBread posted 8/6/2013 12:38 PM

Personally know a BH whose WW up and left him with 5 kids. Decided she wasn't going to pick the kids up from school one day and POOF!No warning no nothing. She found her soulmate and that was it.

For some reason I know of more WW's than WH's in the circle's I travel in.

Bobbi_sue posted 8/6/2013 13:44 PM

My brother's wife left him while running around with a 19 yr old scumbag when she was 37. She left the kids too, who were teenagers at the time. She had absolutely no contact with her own kids for over 10 years, no Christmas cards, no gifts, no phone calls, did not attend their weddings, no nothing.

My brother was forced to get a divorce he didn't want. Well, anyway, this whore ex-SIL of mine has recently come back into the kids's lives, trying to act as if she did nothing wrong as far as I can see. The daughter, at least buys it to some extent, just happy to have her mom back in her life, no matter what. The stupid bitch told the kids that she married a "controlling abusive man" who would not let her have contact with them! (obviously not that first guy she was running with). It's such crap. She said that my brother was controlling and abusive, too, as part of her reason for wanting a D. For lack of a better word, my brother is a wimp and never put his foot down about anything the whole 20 years they were married.

But whether or not the new H was controlling and abusive, I don't know (now she is divorcing and that has something to do with why she has come back around). I don't buy for a second he could stop her from calling or contacting her children. And if there is any truth to this story he "forced" her to not contact them long before she married him (and she still married him? Was that forced as well?)

Oh, the real clincher is this: Turns out my brother was paying alimony WHILE she was married to somebody else. I'm not one to run to court over everything and I never even took my own ex to court, but I'd sure take that bitch to court just to make her face up to the horrible person she is. But my brother won't do it, even now that this new information has come out. I could continue the story but you'd need to sit for the complete soap opera episodes, and might want some popcorn...

OnAnIsland posted 8/6/2013 13:54 PM

Since starting my phd in infidelity, I have read about the exit affair. According to some authors, women are more likely to have them, and more likely to really be done with the marriage before starting the A. So they walk on or before d day.

Hugs to you. It all sucks.

bob1965 posted 8/6/2013 14:53 PM

I've worked with two men with kids, that were abandoned by WWs.

pjkmkjm23 posted 8/6/2013 15:03 PM

raises hand *sheepishly*

Holly-Isis posted 8/6/2013 15:24 PM

My mom left my dad for final OM.

My SIL left her family for OM...came back a year or so later. It was an online sexting A, they live on opposite sides of the country. Yet she left my bro and her girls.

My sister left my BIL for OM.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 3:25 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

aesir posted 8/6/2013 15:25 PM

We once had a double standard, a "boys will be boys" philosophy. It seems to have been been replaced with "boys will be boys, and now the girls will be too" philosophy. So now the sexes lie and cheat with pretty much equal frequency. Can't call that an improvement. I wish the men would have been held to a higher standard instead of the women lowering theirs.

We have raised the standard for women. Hypocrisy is no longer in fashion. Women have been cheating just as much as men for just as long, unless you think that all those cheating men in the past were gay.

Statistically, R is less likely to be possible with a WW than with a WH. A lot of this has to do with the difference in the nature of the justifications women use.

Ashland13 posted 8/6/2013 15:33 PM

My mother abandoned my father, but cheating was not found -or told to us if it was. It was done wretchedly, in a few different reasons, because she fled to a siblings, so she told some of us but not me and not him to his face. Well...her next H cheated! She now seeks revenge on nearly ExH, even though it is quite similar.

Both Exit Affairs. It's my thought and a few counselors, that this term is used by cowards sometimes. In both cases, the abandoners could not face the abandonees and basically told us to "go fix yourself. I'm fine." NPD, that.