SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

onelove27 posted 8/17/2013 00:41 AM

Well I posted earlier today a bit about my story, well as today rolled by, I once again checked our cell phone bill and not because I wanted to torture myself seeing the hours and hours of phone conversations and text messages, but I needed to dispute some charges. Anyway while I was going thru the records of this month, I noticed he has not spoken to this person in 2 days.. and my immediate response was.. COULD I BE COMIN THRU TO HIM?? Right?? Well Im not sure why or what's happening here, but I definitely know its not because of me. Even this morning on his lunch break, I sent him a text telling him how stupid I feel for even caring about him, when all I get is the shitty end of the stick, Then 15 mins later he calls. And goes off about our cell phone bill being 600.00 and after i told him it was because he went over on our mins he just stood quiet, and asked if I could fix it. Then he tried to say oh yeah someone calls you at 5am.. but to his disgrace my phone will always stay on, So he would know if someone calls me at that time. Anyway after that, I quickly began to cry because I once again felt stupid, for caring and feeling love for someone who does not care, and I told him i was going to look for help. And he said why? And I said well not for me, your fucked up no matter what you do. But my CHILDREN need a healthy sane mother I am beyond tired of crying, looking at pictures of when we were "happy" wishing I could go back to that moment in time, but no I cant turn back time, I do take anxiety meds that I was stopped because of my pregnancy, and Now after speaking to my OB she gave me the green light to retake them, he doesn't want me to take them because he is afraid of another preterm labor. ( We lost a 6 month old boy last year due to a heart defect caused by my medication). Yes i am afraid but I'm more afraid of how I feel. So after we hung up, I calmed down and went on about my day. He comes home, and asks to go with him run some errands, I said yes, I didn't touch the topic and neither has he, We have been talking about naming the baby, and about going to trade in our car for a SUV. I felt NORMAL for a min, but then I can't help but think, why is he being nice? is he planning something? does he not want me to catch on?? I dont know what to think... I can honestly say I AM NOT THINKING THIS IS HIS WAY OF RECONCILIATING.. Maybe this other woman is upset, or who knows.. Like i said Im too tired to keep thinking about this

aesir posted 8/17/2013 04:06 AM

Just scanning the threads and noticed no replies, so I thought I should check out this thread and your previous posts.

Firstly, you would be surprised how many members have come here based on referrals from baby forums.

It is not uncommon early after discovery for a WS to go through mood swings on steroids, flipping back and forth between apparent remorse (which is really just guilt) and the AP, with the occasional stops to attempt to rugsweep everything. He may also be worried about the safety of your child and just be trying not to upset you so you don't have to medicate as often.

There is also a possibility that he has bought another cellphone in the last few days and is using that instead so that you do not see the calls on the bill.

For the sake of your health and that of your child, you may want to look into the 180. I don't mean the passive aggressive crap that often gets passed off as the 180, where you are trying to manipulate the WS, but the genuine focus on strengthening yourself so you will be alright regardless of what the outcome is with him. The essence of it all is in this nice little acronym we have here.

Don't
Even
Think
About
Changing
Him

ItsNotUitsMe posted 8/17/2013 11:26 AM

I noticed that on the days that XWH didn't have phone communication with OW (according to phone records) it was because he was with her.

Getting to Happy posted 8/17/2013 12:36 PM

I noticed that on the days that XWH didn't have phone communication with OW (according to phone records) it was because he was with her.

Sad but very true.

onelove27 posted 8/17/2013 13:11 PM

Well I know he was not with her. This woman lives 100 miles from us and I know he was at work I track his phone. My SO doesn't know I know were this woman came from or what she looks like or were she's from. I have been very careful not to give him the heads up as to how I know so much...
I checked phone records again. And she sent him a text last night... but apperantly he did not respond.

whattheh posted 8/17/2013 17:44 PM

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this would be to go thru when you're expecting... Again I'm so sorry for the situation you are in...

Do you know if the OW is married or has a boyfriend? If so some have found it useful to tell the spouse or SO of the OW as it can sometimes helps get things shut down.

You may find it useful to read Shirley Glass' book "Not Just Friends" with your SO. It might help him realize that what he's doing is totally inappropriate and that he's playing with fire.

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:45 PM, August 17th (Saturday)]