Well I posted earlier today a bit about my story, well as today rolled by, I once again checked our cell phone bill and not because I wanted to torture myself seeing the hours and hours of phone conversations and text messages, but I needed to dispute some charges. Anyway while I was going thru the records of this month, I noticed he has not spoken to this person in 2 days.. and my immediate response was.. COULD I BE COMIN THRU TO HIM??
Right?? Well Im not sure why or what's happening here, but I definitely know its not because of me. Even this morning on his lunch break, I sent him a text telling him how stupid I feel for even caring about him, when all I get is the shitty end of the stick, Then 15 mins later he calls. And goes off about our cell phone bill being 600.00 and after i told him it was because he went over on our mins he just stood quiet, and asked if I could fix it. Then he tried to say oh yeah someone calls you at 5am.. but to his disgrace my phone will always stay on, So he would know if someone calls me at that time. Anyway after that, I quickly began to cry because I once again felt stupid, for caring and feeling love for someone who does not care, and I told him i was going to look for help. And he said why? And I said well not for me, your fucked up no matter what you do. But my CHILDREN need a healthy sane mother I am beyond tired of crying, looking at pictures of when we were "happy" wishing I could go back to that moment in time, but no I cant turn back time, I do take anxiety meds that I was stopped because of my pregnancy, and Now after speaking to my OB she gave me the green light to retake them, he doesn't want me to take them because he is afraid of another preterm labor. ( We lost a 6 month old boy last year due to a heart defect caused by my medication). Yes i am afraid but I'm more afraid of how I feel. So after we hung up, I calmed down and went on about my day. He comes home, and asks to go with him run some errands, I said yes, I didn't touch the topic and neither has he, We have been talking about naming the baby, and about going to trade in our car for a SUV. I felt NORMAL for a min, but then I can't help but think, why is he being nice? is he planning something? does he not want me to catch on?? I dont know what to think... I can honestly say I AM NOT THINKING THIS IS HIS WAY OF RECONCILIATING.. Maybe this other woman is upset, or who knows.. Like i said Im too tired to keep thinking about this