That would be me.
Hi. Welcome to SI.
You will find that your feelings are no different than those of the other BW's..the betrayal is the same. The patterns are the same.
The biggest difference is that you are also dealing with a double betrayal...unless you were aware that he likes to have sex with men before you married him.
I had no idea. We had been together for more than a decade..we had/have an amazing sex life..we had/have passion..real passion. I am not a stupid woman. He showed NO signs of this whatsoever before dday. It took me a good five months to get over the shock..I started looking myself in the mirror on a daily basis telling myself.."he did this..he REALLY did this" before it started sinking in....Im 3 years out,and I still have moments of disbelief.
He says he is not gay..or bisexual. I don't know if I believe that...I think he has to be bisexual..at least..to have done what he did...he did say he was bisexual,once...but has since recanted.
My WH was on craigslist..I found his secret email account one morning,because he had just placed an ad and checked his email and had forgotten to log off. The first email I read was from craigslist..telling him his ad had been placed..and it gave an example of the ad...the second email was from the man he hooked up with..telling him he really enjoyed the blow job,can we get together and do more..WH had responded with a "sure." The rest of that day is a painful blur.
Sigh. Most days I am ok..I am getting stronger..he is remorseful...has not acted out since January..when he stole..lied..porn..etc.
I am angry...oh yes..I am furious. He refuses IC..he knows what he did was wrong,won't do it again,loves me oh-so-much,etc,etc. He IS different..and lately things seem to be turning around...he is climbing out of his pit of shame and guilt and looking around at the devastation he has caused all of us. It only took him 3 years..and Im tired. So I am watching his actions..and watching.
If you choose to R,it's not going to be easy by any means. This is a very difficult thing to deal with.
What is he doing to show you he wants to R? What is he doing to make himself a safe partner for you?
Has he been tested for STD's? Have you?
Im so sorry you're dealing with this.
(((((PollyA)))))
You will find there are a few others here,like us. Some are trying to R...some didn't. But we are here. And you have been betrayed every bit as a BW whose WH had sex/an A with a woman. It's the same pain,just different players. I have never been made to feel as if I shouldn't feel every ounce of the pain I feel by anyone here at SI. You will be welcomed here..we will take care of you.