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Help: Friend JFo this morning & is getting married next month

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laliz posted 9/11/2013 11:53 AM

I thought I might gather some advice from the SI community. My friend is "getting married" next month but just found out this morning that her partner has been cheating on her with someone from her graduate school cohort this past summer. (I write "getting married" because they actually married in NY last fall as a same-sex couple, but will be having a ceremony here next month on their one-year anniversary.) Technically, they are already married, but the event next month is the real deal: white dress, bridesmaids (which I am one), reception, etc.

I'm meeting her for lunch soon, and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice? My plan is just to listen and lend support as she's in the JFO stage. I feel like she's in a pressure cooker of stress given the usual anxiety of a wedding looming over her head, and now with this news....yikes.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!

aesir posted 9/11/2013 11:59 AM

I'm afraid if they are already technically married, I don't really have much advice, as the upcoming ceremony really has no long term implications one way or the other. Just try to be as supportive of her circumstances and decisions as you can.

laliz posted 9/11/2013 12:06 PM

Just try to be as supportive of her circumstances and decisions as you can.

Good advice, thanks!

Simple posted 9/11/2013 13:32 PM

Being supportive doesn't mean bad-mouthing the partner just so you know. Just listen, say you're here for your friend and for the marriage. That way if they do R, you will still be considered a friend of the marriage.

Hope that helps.

1Faith posted 9/11/2013 13:36 PM

Just be there and let her know that you understand the hurt and betrayal she feels.

She has to decide whether it is worth going through with the ceremony.

Is her partner at all remorseful or ?

You are a good friend. Give her an SI hug.

Skan posted 9/11/2013 14:07 PM

You might consider steering her here to the site for support. She truly has JFO and is going to need all of the support possible. Assure her, if you steer her here, that same sex couples are more than welcome. And if you don't want to out yourself, tell her that a friend told you about the site when they were going through a similar situation. It's true you seem like a friendly sort to me and I am sure feeling friendly towards you!

laliz posted 9/11/2013 17:56 PM

Thank you all for your feedback-I'll post and reply more later tonight when I have more time, I just wanted to give you all a shout out and say thank you for taking the time to write!

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