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Free pass? WS and BS

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SoOver96 posted 9/12/2013 15:55 PM

If this is in the wrong spot please put it where it's suppose to go....

Have you thought of giving your WS a free pass to see what they would do I'm debating if I should or not. I've been faithful to my WS for over 16 years ive only been with to men well one man since when i was with my ex we were teensgers even through 5 prison terms I even told him about me seeing my ex at a birthday party while he was in prison I told him about my ex on Facebook I told him what was said after my WS saw his name on IM which I never closed it out because I had nothing to hide. I believe my WS is still running around the bush I had a dream last night that he cheated on me again and this time I caught him kissing the skank. He saw this show that said kissing isn't cheating and he made this grunt and I just glared at him and asked him if he thought kissing wasn't cheating? He just looked at me as if I wasn't serious. I love this man dearly and I feel like I'm being taken for granted should I give him a free pass? I put a locator on his phone and he left his phone at his friends house for 7 hrs so today I took the locator off his phone he has two days off and on those days he's not even want to spend time here. I'm at a loss i know I know I can make it on my own but I'm still in love with him am I wrong to feel this way? I don't know if he really loves me.

unfound posted 9/12/2013 18:16 PM

A free pass as in sweeping this under the rug and not addressing the issue, then seeing if he does it again?

Just want to clarify before answering

Tired05 posted 9/12/2013 20:42 PM

I think that if you told him he could have sex with someone else and he did, that that isn't a true indicator of if he would cheat on you. It's not cheating if you told him he could...

Even with that said, my WH gave ME a free pass. At first I was pissed, then I was highly intrigued by the idea (we were firsts and I thought we were onlies until dday ). I even masturbated to the thought of just going out, finding some stranger and fucking in the bed of their truck (with my WH's knowledge of course), now i'm back to "....but that would just be cheating in My book....even if he knew ahead of time and was fine with it".


I don't think it would be a good idea to trick your WS by saying you are okay with it, then getting mad if he takes you up on his offer. There are people who are perfectly okay with open marriages (I have a hard time understanding, but some of them seem just fine with it). He might think that you are one of those people now.

However, if you feel he is cheating and you have gut feelings, then just keep collecting evidence and keep those eyes wide open. You have a gps on his phone? That's good. Maybe get a VAR and just keep your eyes peeled. If he is cheating, it will come out sooner rather than later if you are watching for signs. The longer the WS is at it, the sloppier it seems they get. And if the BS doesn't have her Rose Petal and Sunshine Glasses on, then she will see it. Stop questioning him about him cheating, pretend like you think everything is okay, and he will get comfy cozy and slip up.

[This message edited by Tired05 at 8:47 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]

SoOver96 posted 9/12/2013 20:53 PM

No I'm defiantly not one of those people sorry about my spelling I had a dream that he cheated I told him everything I said to the girl do you know we have been married for 16 yrs and while I told him this I was crying my eyes out and he says baby it's just a dream I'm not cheating on you he rolled over and fell asleep I'm not going to give Him a free pass I thought about it after I saw your guys post I don't want to give him the satisfaction thank you all for responding he says he doesn't want to live with out me well I don't want to live without him but since that why is it so easy for people to cheat?

aesir posted 9/12/2013 21:43 PM

Nothing's free, there is always a price to be paid by someone.

SoOver96 posted 9/13/2013 11:55 AM

He called me today he's trying to avoid his other co worker he told his boss that if he didn't he would quit and she said no we don't want you to quit so he's a a restaurant across the way. I haven't even mentioned the free pass I'm at a loss though have any of you tried this 180 what if they say they love you first are you suppose to say nothing? if I'm distant he knows something's wrong I'm an open book I just don't understand if I'm such an open book and he knows I didn't cheat on him why the hell did he do it in the first place and why (if we do the 180)can't we push for answers will they just come on there own?

aesir posted 9/13/2013 13:05 PM

The 180 is for you, if you need to break an emotional dependence, learn to live without relying on them. If you are making them the focus of it, then it is not a 180, and is much closer to passive aggressive.

SoOver96 posted 9/13/2013 13:29 PM

That's the thing I was raised this way I was always told I didn't do something right and then I moved in with my mom and my step dad which both emotionally abused me but my step dad went that extra step and physically abused me my husband has not put his hands on me ever. I was strong though he yelled at me thirty mins ago and after he said I love you and I didn't respond he called and said I brightened his day and I'll I said is I try but I feel it's not good enough

SoOver96 posted 9/14/2013 23:07 PM

This 180 does that mean not asking about dinner too? I'm going to do this I have to change myself to do this I have to basically go back the way I did when he was in prison I became distint from everthing for about 9 months I got my house back in order the kids were more helpful even though they thought I was a royal pain I lost weight from being so busy I'd forget to eat hopefully it works.

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