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What causes someone to be nice to the mean and mean to the nice?

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joeboo posted 9/14/2013 23:57 PM

Someone mentioned a possible disorder once before, but it was long ago and I do not remember it. But, my fww is very nice to me when I turn a cold shoulder and a royal bitch when I warm up to her. I just do not understand it. The other thing I have noticed with her is that for a few days following the big O, she also has bitchy tendencies.

Its almost as if the more real D is, the more she tries to R. I do not think she is in an active A, but the I'd say she was a much better candidate when I was good to her.

Any ideas?

cruelty posted 9/15/2013 00:01 AM

Could it be the emotional distancer thing!

aesir posted 9/15/2013 00:11 AM

The perceived ability to get away with it vs. imminent consequences.

gonnabe2016 posted 9/15/2013 00:11 AM

Personality disorder?

tryingmybest2011 posted 9/15/2013 00:39 AM

Control issues and insecurity.

joeboo posted 9/15/2013 08:03 AM

Good food for thought.

Funny thing is, as I re-read the thread title I noticed that is what I am turning into with her. My natural disposition is to be nice to the nice, and ignore the mean as much as I can until my back is against the wall then be mean to the mean. It has served me well all these years, except with her.

Maybe the problem is me. The way things are working, she'd be a great wife if we were always just ready to divorce. Maybe its time to get back into MC for a progress assessment. Its been almost two years since we've seen one.

sisoon posted 9/15/2013 14:22 PM

I still think the universal explanation for cheating is that the cheater betrays others in the process of avoiding her own pain.

If you are loving, your W faces her own belief she is not lovable. It's easy to avoid dealing with her own shit by getting angry at you for not seeing how unlovable she is.

Just my belief, based on nothing other than speculation and anecdote, but it sure makes sense to me.

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