Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: ChaosRider (45729)

User Topic: Found WS hidden cell phone (kind of)
StuckInHell
♀ 40741
Member # 40741
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been suspecting my husband of having an affair with a woman who works for him since March of this year. He has denied, denied, denied every concern I have had. I was sitting in our bedroom a few days ago, and I heard a phone vibrating. I could tell it was coming from the vicinity of his closet, and he wasn't home at the time. I didn't have much time to look around, but I felt for a phone in pockets on his clothing, looked through suitcases, in shoes, hats, etc. I also looked in a couple of boxes on the top shelf. After I looked in these boxes, I realized I couldn't remember how they had been stacked on the shelf, and agonized over their placement for a couple minutes before putting them back! I did not find the phone before I had to leave to pick up my daughter at school. By the time I returned for the evening, my husband was home for the night, so I couldn't look any further. During the night I began to wonder if the phone could be in the attic, which is accessed through the ceiling of his closet. The next morning, after he left, I got out a ladder. The first thing I noticed is that the boxes that I agonized over how they went back on the shelf were stacked the opposite of the way I left them, and clothes that were hanging below them were also in a different order with a couple of hangers askew (not how I left it). These clothes would need to be moved to get into the attic. I opened up the attic, which I have never actually been in myself; all that is up there is insulation and our furnace, with a light bulb and an electrical outlet. I did not find a phone, but I am wondering if my husband beat me to it. The outlet and the difficulty of accessing the attic would be a great hiding place for a second phone.
I'm looking for some advice here. Should I confront him about this? We actually have a session with our couples counselor tomorrow. Should I bring this up then?
Part of me also wonders if I am crazy and if I am wanting evidence so bad that I am jumping to conclusions, but I know I heard a phone vibrating!! I have heard a vibrating phone before, from my sewing work room which is across from his closet/attic, but it was before I had suspicions of him cheating. Now I think I was na´ve to not question why I would hear a phone vibrating when I was the only one home and it wasn't my phone vibrating. Please help!


BS(Me)42
SAWH 41
Married 19 Years
2 Kids 15, 12
Status: D Day 10/20/13

Posts: 26 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Colorado
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No! Don't say a word to him. he will just lie to you,and then you may never find that phone.

You know what you heard. And the boxes and clothes being moved after you put them back is proof.

Put a VAR in his car and start investigating.

Im so sorry.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7913 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry; this is agony. Not knowing is the worst.

I suspect you are right about the attic. If you confront I expect he will lie. Perhaps get a VAR (voice activated recorder) to put in his car?

Also, the next time he may not hide the phone in the attic, but you could always look there again.

Finally, a private investigator may help you. I hired one and also recommended him to an employee of mine. Fortunately he found nothing on my H, but he did help her save a ton of money in alimony. Also, he set up a polygraph for my H, which was helpful for us as well.

Good luck.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1815 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
StuckInHell
♀ 40741
Member # 40741
Question  Posted: 10:29 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have thought about hiring a private investigator. I have been told it is hard to find a good one that won't rip you off. How did you know the private investigator you hired was a good one?

I may just go get a VAR today! I would like proof and not just suspicions!!


BS(Me)42
SAWH 41
Married 19 Years
2 Kids 15, 12
Status: D Day 10/20/13

Posts: 26 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Colorado
OK now
♀ 14459
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't confront. He'll just lie like a rug and you'll put him on his guard.
Might want to put a gps in his car so you can track his movements;like visiting her home.

Meanwhile say nothing about his suspected affair. Get him to relax and make careless mistakes.


Posts: 1823 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
Dawnie
♀ 26912
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am with Confused615, do not confront because he WILL deny it and will hide the phone in a better spot. Get a VAR (Voice activated recorder) and put it in his car. You can buy one at Best Buy for under $100.00. I caught my XWH usung a VAR so I can vouch for their efficency.

Good Luck!!

((Stuck))


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok so you know if you confront, he will deny, since you have no hard proof. And sister when they are having an A that's the only way they will admit it.

Go stealth, Hide a VAR in his car, make sure it's hidden and secure. I knew something was up with my H for months, and it sucked, because I never had any proof. I also toyed with the idea of a PI, but financially it wasn't possible. But I did have a plan in place to do my own PI work, I was going to trade vehicles with a friend, borrow a good camera from my boss, and follow him to the other town where I knew in my gut that was where the A was happening. However, he lost his job, and his work cell plan, and jumped onto mine right away, and when the bill came for the first month, I had all the proof I needed.

In your case you suspect a second phone already. So phone bills aren't going to help, unless he added a phone to your existing plan, in that case, I would say just comb through your statement for any exta accounts, and then of course patterns in times of calls/texts.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8789 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
cliffside
♀ 38803
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh StuckInHell, that sucks! But we're glad you found us and we can help. Definitely do NOT confront without evidence. They are all experienced liars and he will probably take it underground. You can get a VAR on Amazon or at a Radio Shack. Trust your gut. It's telling you something is not right. It's hard not to immediately confront but it will be best in the long run.

Hugs to you and keep posting, we're here to help.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Mar 2013
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know Stuck, I just went online for my PI and got lucky. He was a retired police officer and I spoke to him on the phone first. Then we met at a coffee shop parking lot. (I know!)

It was expensive; $2000 for retainer. I did get $700 back and most of the rest went for the polygraph.

My friend who used him went through her entire retainer before they got good photos, but she ended up saving hundreds of thousands in alimony.

He told me that 97% of the time in his experience he found that the spouse was actually having an affair.

eta; I hired him to discover if my H was having ANOTHER affair; he had already confessed (cause I had proof) to his LTA. But he had been accused of another, and of course I did not believe his denials.

[This message edited by catlover50 at 11:10 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1815 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
heartache101
♀ 26465
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't say a word..
Nadda..
Wait and watch.
And listen.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3197 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Tearsoflove
♀ 8271
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are going to do any more secret searches, take a picture of the area with a digital camera or digital phone so you can put everything back as it was when you are finished. Remember to delete the picture.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4265 | Registered: Sep 2005
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The attic with pull down stairs in the closet seems an awfully inconvenient place to hide a cell - how and when does he charge it? Seems it would easily be heard from your bedroom if it went off.... And is there some point in the morning where he can routinely just scoot on up into the attic to grab it - without the fear of being caught...? I don't know - seems like an inconvenient choice.

Are there eves behind the closet - a place where a light bulb can be replaced by a screw in plug? Somewhere else in that area perhaps.

If not you'll have to check under the insulation I imagine... or taped to bottom of a stair rung...

If you can't find it, I think the VAR is maybe your quickest route to truth here...


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4166 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
StuckInHell
♀ 40741
Member # 40741
Helpless  Posted: 9:31 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all of your great advice, everyone. I picked up a VAR yesterday, and am going to try it today. I am feeling a reluctance to know more, but I don't want to feel like I am half crazy not knowing any more.
I'm very glad I found this site. This is my first topic here, but the support I have already received has been comforting. Thank You!


BS(Me)42
SAWH 41
Married 19 Years
2 Kids 15, 12
Status: D Day 10/20/13

Posts: 26 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Colorado
hathnofury
♀ 32550
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally agree something is afoot, and a VAR in his car is your next step. If he has a second phone, that is the most likely place he is using. I would also search his car if you can do that on the sly.

FWIW, when I was DIY investigating my WH, that kind of attic access space was EXACTLY where I hid all the proof I was collecting. Just barely reach inside all around the opening, under the insulation. He may not be charging the phone there, he can do that in the car or at work, but he may be hiding it there when he is at home.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Jun 2011
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he works someplace with a large lot, that he can't see, Iwould go to his work, with the other keys, and root through that thing like nobodies business, looking for anything incriminating, reciepts for lunch where he purchased 2 meals, a second phone, a different charger from his regular phone, anything out of the ordinary, then plant that VAR. If he comes out, tell him you couldn't find your credit card, or whatever, and thought it may have fallen out while you were in it last.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8789 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
aesir
♂ 17210
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nannycam pointed at the closet.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
mchercheur
♀ 37735
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he works someplace with a large lot, that he can't see, Iwould go to his work, with the other keys, and root through that thing like nobodies business, looking for anything incriminating, reciepts for lunch where he purchased 2 meals, a second phone, a different charger from his regular phone, anything out of the ordinary, then plant that VAR. If he comes out, tell him you couldn't find your credit card, or whatever, and thought it may have fallen out while you were in it last.

Yep, when I did this, I found a half empty box of condoms & a slip of paper with OW's phone #s on it. Also, I found the receipt from when he bought the condoms, so I knew more about the timeline. That's how I found out a lot more of the story.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:04 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1452 | Registered: Dec 2012
EasyDoesIt
♀ 29514
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The VAR is the giver of the secrets. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I learned from those little jewels. I kept one in his car at all times, it's how I found out about the street whores.

At the time I lived in Missouri and had to shovel snow to plant and remove the damn thing from his car. Otherwise it would have been obvious that I had been into his car.....they are amazing.

[This message edited by EasyDoesIt at 10:34 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Topic Posts: 18

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.