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I have been suspecting my husband of having an affair with a woman who works for him since March of this year. He has denied, denied, denied every concern I have had. I was sitting in our bedroom a few days ago, and I heard a phone vibrating. I could tell it was coming from the vicinity of his closet, and he wasn't home at the time. I didn't have much time to look around, but I felt for a phone in pockets on his clothing, looked through suitcases, in shoes, hats, etc. I also looked in a couple of boxes on the top shelf. After I looked in these boxes, I realized I couldn't remember how they had been stacked on the shelf, and agonized over their placement for a couple minutes before putting them back! I did not find the phone before I had to leave to pick up my daughter at school. By the time I returned for the evening, my husband was home for the night, so I couldn't look any further. During the night I began to wonder if the phone could be in the attic, which is accessed through the ceiling of his closet. The next morning, after he left, I got out a ladder. The first thing I noticed is that the boxes that I agonized over how they went back on the shelf were stacked the opposite of the way I left them, and clothes that were hanging below them were also in a different order with a couple of hangers askew (not how I left it). These clothes would need to be moved to get into the attic. I opened up the attic, which I have never actually been in myself; all that is up there is insulation and our furnace, with a light bulb and an electrical outlet. I did not find a phone, but I am wondering if my husband beat me to it. The outlet and the difficulty of accessing the attic would be a great hiding place for a second phone.
I'm looking for some advice here. Should I confront him about this? We actually have a session with our couples counselor tomorrow. Should I bring this up then?
Part of me also wonders if I am crazy and if I am wanting evidence so bad that I am jumping to conclusions, but I know I heard a phone vibrating!! I have heard a vibrating phone before, from my sewing work room which is across from his closet/attic, but it was before I had suspicions of him cheating. Now I think I was naïve to not question why I would hear a phone vibrating when I was the only one home and it wasn't my phone vibrating. Please help!

No! Don't say a word to him. he will just lie to you,and then you may never find that phone.

You know what you heard. And the boxes and clothes being moved after you put them back is proof.

Put a VAR in his car and start investigating.

Im so sorry.

I'm so sorry; this is agony. Not knowing is the worst.

I suspect you are right about the attic. If you confront I expect he will lie. Perhaps get a VAR (voice activated recorder) to put in his car?

Also, the next time he may not hide the phone in the attic, but you could always look there again.

Finally, a private investigator may help you. I hired one and also recommended him to an employee of mine. Fortunately he found nothing on my H, but he did help her save a ton of money in alimony. Also, he set up a polygraph for my H, which was helpful for us as well.

Good luck.

I have thought about hiring a private investigator. I have been told it is hard to find a good one that won't rip you off. How did you know the private investigator you hired was a good one?

I may just go get a VAR today! I would like proof and not just suspicions!!

Don't confront. He'll just lie like a rug and you'll put him on his guard.
Might want to put a gps in his car so you can track his movements;like visiting her home.

Meanwhile say nothing about his suspected affair. Get him to relax and make careless mistakes.

I am with Confused615, do not confront because he WILL deny it and will hide the phone in a better spot. Get a VAR (Voice activated recorder) and put it in his car. You can buy one at Best Buy for under $100.00. I caught my XWH usung a VAR so I can vouch for their efficency.

Good Luck!!

((Stuck))

Ok so you know if you confront, he will deny, since you have no hard proof. And sister when they are having an A that's the only way they will admit it.

Go stealth, Hide a VAR in his car, make sure it's hidden and secure. I knew something was up with my H for months, and it sucked, because I never had any proof. I also toyed with the idea of a PI, but financially it wasn't possible. But I did have a plan in place to do my own PI work, I was going to trade vehicles with a friend, borrow a good camera from my boss, and follow him to the other town where I knew in my gut that was where the A was happening. However, he lost his job, and his work cell plan, and jumped onto mine right away, and when the bill came for the first month, I had all the proof I needed.

In your case you suspect a second phone already. So phone bills aren't going to help, unless he added a phone to your existing plan, in that case, I would say just comb through your statement for any exta accounts, and then of course patterns in times of calls/texts.

((((and strength))))

Oh StuckInHell, that sucks! But we're glad you found us and we can help. Definitely do NOT confront without evidence. They are all experienced liars and he will probably take it underground. You can get a VAR on Amazon or at a Radio Shack. Trust your gut. It's telling you something is not right. It's hard not to immediately confront but it will be best in the long run.

Hugs to you and keep posting, we're here to help.

You know Stuck, I just went online for my PI and got lucky. He was a retired police officer and I spoke to him on the phone first. Then we met at a coffee shop parking lot. (I know!)

It was expensive; $2000 for retainer. I did get $700 back and most of the rest went for the polygraph.

My friend who used him went through her entire retainer before they got good photos, but she ended up saving hundreds of thousands in alimony.

He told me that 97% of the time in his experience he found that the spouse was actually having an affair.

eta; I hired him to discover if my H was having ANOTHER affair; he had already confessed (cause I had proof) to his LTA. But he had been accused of another, and of course I did not believe his denials.

[This message edited by catlover50 at 11:10 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]

Don't say a word..
Nadda..
Wait and watch.
And listen.

If you are going to do any more secret searches, take a picture of the area with a digital camera or digital phone so you can put everything back as it was when you are finished. Remember to delete the picture.

The attic with pull down stairs in the closet seems an awfully inconvenient place to hide a cell - how and when does he charge it? Seems it would easily be heard from your bedroom if it went off.... And is there some point in the morning where he can routinely just scoot on up into the attic to grab it - without the fear of being caught...? I don't know - seems like an inconvenient choice.

Are there eves behind the closet - a place where a light bulb can be replaced by a screw in plug? Somewhere else in that area perhaps.

If not you'll have to check under the insulation I imagine... or taped to bottom of a stair rung...

If you can't find it, I think the VAR is maybe your quickest route to truth here...

Thanks for all of your great advice, everyone. I picked up a VAR yesterday, and am going to try it today. I am feeling a reluctance to know more, but I don't want to feel like I am half crazy not knowing any more.
I'm very glad I found this site. This is my first topic here, but the support I have already received has been comforting. Thank You!

I totally agree something is afoot, and a VAR in his car is your next step. If he has a second phone, that is the most likely place he is using. I would also search his car if you can do that on the sly.

FWIW, when I was DIY investigating my WH, that kind of attic access space was EXACTLY where I hid all the proof I was collecting. Just barely reach inside all around the opening, under the insulation. He may not be charging the phone there, he can do that in the car or at work, but he may be hiding it there when he is at home.

If he works someplace with a large lot, that he can't see, Iwould go to his work, with the other keys, and root through that thing like nobodies business, looking for anything incriminating, reciepts for lunch where he purchased 2 meals, a second phone, a different charger from his regular phone, anything out of the ordinary, then plant that VAR. If he comes out, tell him you couldn't find your credit card, or whatever, and thought it may have fallen out while you were in it last.

(((and strength))))

Nannycam pointed at the closet.

If he works someplace with a large lot, that he can't see, Iwould go to his work, with the other keys, and root through that thing like nobodies business, looking for anything incriminating, reciepts for lunch where he purchased 2 meals, a second phone, a different charger from his regular phone, anything out of the ordinary, then plant that VAR. If he comes out, tell him you couldn't find your credit card, or whatever, and thought it may have fallen out while you were in it last.

Yep, when I did this, I found a half empty box of condoms & a slip of paper with OW's phone #s on it. Also, I found the receipt from when he bought the condoms, so I knew more about the timeline. That's how I found out a lot more of the story.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:04 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]

The VAR is the giver of the secrets. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I learned from those little jewels. I kept one in his car at all times, it's how I found out about the street whores.

At the time I lived in Missouri and had to shovel snow to plant and remove the damn thing from his car. Otherwise it would have been obvious that I had been into his car.....they are amazing.

[This message edited by EasyDoesIt at 10:34 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]