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imagoodwitch posted 9/25/2013 09:44 AM

Is this rude?

If you noticed a slender person, would you suggest, numerous times, that they need to eat more?

As in cupcakes, donuts, etc.?

I think it goes both ways.

I would never suggest to someone who is overweight that they need to lose weight, never. I was, and if anyone were to suggest to me that I need to lose weight and give me suggestions on how I should go about it, I would probably punch them in the nose.

My thoughts are:

I know it and I don't really need or value your opinion, piss off, I'll lose weight when I want to or maybe I can't because I have a metabolic disorder that makes it hard to lose weight, piss off or I take a medication that causes weight gain and you really need to piss off.

How about if it is in a persons nature to be slim or petite?

My thoughts:

Yes, I know I'm small, thin, petite, slender whatever you want to call it. Everyone in my family is and in my culture (country I am from) I am normal, piss off or, I worked really hard for this and I am fine with how I look, piss off or, I have a metabolic disorder that makes it very hard for me to gain weight, piss off.

What do you think?

Is it rude to comment on someones weight?

Sad in AZ posted 9/25/2013 10:00 AM


I would only ever say anything to a dear friend if I was worried about his/her health, and then very gingerly.

I used to gently (and I mean GENTLY) suggest that the X should try to lose weight because of his health.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 10:00 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

InnerLight posted 9/25/2013 10:00 AM

Totally rude! Who wants to muddy their day with someone else's dumb thoughts about your weight? People should keep it to themselves, in their own head. I am sure Ms Manners would agree.

I am a professional nutritionist and am ultra aware of how sensitive an issue this is for people.
I also work with people with chronic pain for whom it works the other way. They might look fine, the right weight, etc., but can hardly lift a box of cereal. That group of people suffer from looking normal when they are feeling anything but normal.

I am sure there are many other types of people who suffer from insensitive comments. I once made the remark, decades ago, that someone looked good because she lost weight. It turned out that she had a chronic disease that she later died from. That taught me not to make assumptions about weight gain, loss or the seemingly normal. You just never know.

Yes, it's terribly rude to comment on weight. I think a 'You look pretty today' or 'That's a beautiful color for you.' is usually just fine...unless it could be construed as inappropriate flirting.

SisterMilkshake posted 9/25/2013 10:01 AM

Yes, it is rude either way.

Unless it is a compliment. Your slenderness is lovely.

But, then again, maybe not. I wouldn't be complimented by a man telling me "I love fat chicks!" So theres that!

It is rude to comment on anyone's physical attributes, actually.

Williesmom posted 9/25/2013 10:05 AM

My Wxh always used to tell people "hey, fat chicks need love, too."

So, yeah - this is rude.

Skye posted 9/25/2013 10:08 AM

It may be rude, but I'd take it as a compliment. I should only be told to eat more.

JanaGreen posted 9/25/2013 10:15 AM

Is it rude to comment on someones weight?


I have been guilty of this lately though. My size 2 friend and I were talking about another friend of ours, who is very tall and slim, and extremely pretty. I said something about how I'd never been naturally slender like that, and my friend said, "Oh, me neither." I laughed at her and told her that she's tiny. I hope that wasn't rude. I'm slightly jealous of both of them (my petite thin adorable friend, and my tall leggy supermodel friend).

jo2love posted 9/25/2013 10:19 AM

Back when my crohns was really bad, someone at work said, "If you stand sideways no one can see you. If there's a strong breeze you'll fly away." I was po'd and hurt. I was 97 lbs (not by choice) and 5'5". My dr had me eating baby food and ensure drinks to try to keep food in me.

If someone I cared about was too skinny, then I would probably ask how they are feeling. Maybe there are health issues going on.

The only time I say someone needs to eat more is when DD and I watch the Miss America contest. DD knows that too skinny isn't healthy. We will say if someone would look healthier if they gained a little weight.

I never say it to a person.

dameia posted 9/25/2013 11:10 AM

If it is a stranger or acquaintance saying it to you, then yes it is definitely rude.

If it is a family member or close friend, then maybe they're just concerned, jealous, or it's a joke that falls flat.

You can just say, "Thanks for the concern, but I'm happy the way I am." Then just walk away.

GraceisGood posted 9/25/2013 11:42 AM

Is this rude?

Yep. I mean who does someone think they are to "judge" anothers body, especially when there are so many variables, it is not only rude, but arrogant imo.

I know people who are thin due to horrible medical issues they cannot control and their life is a struggle and the same for people who are large.

It would be like telling someone their feet/arms/eyes, etc. are too small or too big, seriously??? I do not know who people are to think they have that kind of power to judge things of such nature.

Unless it is a compliment. Your slenderness is lovely.

I think compliments are good, but still it can be iffy imo, because what if that person gets ill and gains weight due to medication and then they no longer feel "lovely" because their slenderness is gone?


bbee posted 9/26/2013 02:32 AM

Yes, I think it's rude and insensitive. Body shaming works both ways. I get sick and tired of people telling me to eat a cheeseburger.

aesir posted 9/26/2013 03:47 AM

Unless you are close to the person and the weight is so far out of the normal range as to threaten health and an intervention would not be inappropriate (like anorexia, or a need to remove walls to leave the bedroom), then people should probably STFU. Unless they are obnoxiously and persistently hitting you you, in which case any statements to drive them away are fair game.

tushnurse posted 9/26/2013 07:46 AM

Yes it's rude to say you are too thin, just like it's rude to say someone is too fat.

Like Jo said, in her sitch she was battling a medical issue, now if I were a friend that had noticed a sharp weight loss, and didn't know what was going on I may privately approach that person, and ask if everything is ok, that I was concerned, cause lets face it, when you loose weight rapidly, and too much when you are sick you look different from someone who is just thin. Or at least I see a difference.

If someone says that to you again, I would be tempted to say, well you see I am just genetically superior, and my body is ultra efficient. There are nice, but insulting ways to tell people to Shut the hell up or to Feck off.

imagoodwitch posted 9/26/2013 08:04 AM

Here is the back story:

We have 2 "guests" in our office for about a month. They are from an Asia Pacific country. One that is know for slight stature.

One is male one is female.

In my eyes they are both perfect

In the 2 weeks that they have been here I have become very attached to them

They are younger than I am, first time in the US so I am "Mama Bear" to them.

My office mate has, on 2 occasions, suggested to the female guest that she needs to eat maybe 2 or 3 extra goodies ie. cupcakes or donuts because she is too skinny and needs to put some weight on.

This person also said to me at one time that she just doesn't get boy/girl tiwns, she thinks they are weird.

I have boy/girl twins.

Part of me thinks she knows this is rude and just does it because she's an ass but also part of me thinks she has no clue.

Female guest from Asia Pacific country is very timid and I feel bad for her when co-worker says things like this as she doesn't say anything, she just nods and smiles.

JanaGreen posted 9/26/2013 08:30 AM

This person also said to me at one time that she just doesn't get boy/girl tiwns, she thinks they are weird.

Well, obviously she is an idiot! I have a twin brother and we are awesome! I think SHE is the weird one!

SisterMilkshake posted 9/26/2013 08:39 AM

This person also said to me at one time that she just doesn't get boy/girl tiwns, she thinks they are weird.
That is a weird thing to say. I don't even get what she means. In what way can boy/girl twins be weird?

She sounds very much like a passive/aggressive "friend" I have.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 8:40 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]

sinsof thefather posted 9/26/2013 09:04 AM

Is it rude to comment on someones weight?


This person also said to me at one time that she just doesn't get boy/girl tiwns, she thinks they are weird.

When she knew you had them? What an opinionated idiot this person sounds. What makes her think she's the arbiter of anything at all? In fact, people like her are my pet peeve. People telling the rest of us where we're going wrong, what we've done that's wrong, what we have that is wrong - (and then usually telling us how we can correct it all). So yes, in my opinion she is rude.

InnerLight posted 9/26/2013 11:09 AM

A nutrition student of mine teaching English in Korea remarked that people there freely comment on eachother's weight as a friendly motivator to improve and it's not considered bad taste.

People of different cultures treat this differently, so perhaps your guests are behaving the way they would in their culture and are not thinking of what is normal in the US. Here's an article about this:

imagoodwitch posted 9/26/2013 12:41 PM

No, Inner Light, this is my US coworker telling our Asian coworker that she needs to gain weight, which she doesn't.

50% of the time I'm all with some of the stuff she says.

aesir posted 9/26/2013 13:55 PM

I have heard that about Korea, not sure if it is true. The thing is in Korea it is always commenting on if a person is considered too heavy. If this guest coworker was from Korea, feeding her cupcakes here would lead to misery back home.

My guess, based on other details revealed since, is that this too skinny, need to eat commentary is fueled by jealousy, coworker probably finds it easier to criticize others who possess what she secretly wants rather than take steps herself to achieve it.

Now if I was a different color and had an accent, I would totally fuck with people like the ignorant donutty coworker by just making shit up. You know, like "Oh no, can't eat cupcakes, those are reserved for the volcano king." or "Oooo, harvest festival cakes.... when is the sacrifice?"

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