SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My SO and I?

Never had a date. Never been alone together.

She hides behind her abusive and controlling mother.

And her own medical condition.

She claims that if I only have patience, her mommy may eventually accept me, and we can go to the Dairy Queen together for an Ice Cream float, so long as I get her back before curfew.

So tonight I sent her an email.

Put the fuck up or shut the fuck up.

I cannot stand it.

The woman I care about is content with a fantasy. A relationship where we NEVER see each other, without her mommy there.

I finally laid it on the line.

I have almost no faith that she will act on it, or choose me and a relationship over her own situation, with her mom.

Her fucking loss.

I am SO fucking disgusted, I cannot tell you.

-Defiance

I'm sorry. That's not right. That's not a relationship.

((D))

I'm sorry. Ballsy move on your part. I'm proud of you.

(((((D)))))

Even at the forest preserve her mom was there?

You need a whole person to have a relationship with-and it sounds like she has a way to go to get there.

You deserve so much more.

I am so confused. I thought you were engaged. I'm sorry I just don't understand, but I'm glad you are standing up for yourself and what you want. I wish you both a positive breakthrough.

wow, you definitely deserve a relationship with someone who doesn't hide behind excuses. I hope she sees this as a chance for growth and acts on it.

(((D)))

(((((Defiance)))))) You deserve a whole woman for you to love and be loved back... I hope she gets her act together before she loses the best thing she could ever have in her life...You have been through so much....I thought since I hadn't seen you post about her lately that things were going along as planned....Hugs to you big Guy......

I decided NOT to propose to her. I thought (erroneously) that she would make the changes needed.

So far I have been dead wrong.

She wants her mother to dictate how things go.

She is fucking 48 years old. Too afraid to take the chance.

And tonight, I predict. She loses me forever as a result.

She does not have the balls. The fortitude, to lay claim to a life she says she wants.

Instead, she defers to a senile, slightly demented, 80 year old woman.

And I am gone.

All over but the shouting.

She has a major hurdle to jump to save this.

And I have no more patience.

-D

D

At least you know at this point what you will and will not put up with.

I hope she sees this chance.

She sounds like she is not used to making her own decisions.

I cannot believe these aged parents that cannot see they're standing in the way of their adult children being, adults.

I've seen this before and I'm always blown away by the excuses and the passiveness.

Adults should be able to live their lifes and make their own decisions.

I hope she can.

I hope your relationship can go forward.

Best wishes D

[This message edited by stonewall_wife at 9:51 PM, August 31st (Tuesday)]

Those of you who know me. There is nothing I have not already lost.

Tonight, I decided to throw the ball into her court, and take the risk.

I have already lost everything. For those who think I will hold onto a dream, they are sadly mistaken.

I told her in no uncertain terms.

Put the fuck up, or shut up and go home.

I have no more time for this crap. Not time to deal with some fucking whacked out elderly mommy controlling her and my future.

I doubt she will have the guts.

I will be the first to apologize, publicly, if that turns out to be false.

But, people never fail to disappoint me.

-Defiance

It may be one more thing you have lost and I feel for you on that.

You deserve happiness and someone to share your life with if thats what you want.

None of us get everything in life but we do deserve some ot the things.

I hate that your facing that long road again.

I hope she pleasantly surprises you.

Hell, I hope my dumb ass WH pleasantly surprises me someday and gets his head out of his dumb ass!!!

Oh well

Wishing you the best D

This may be the push she needs to break those chains. I hope she does the right thing. It sounds so unhealthy her relationship with her mother.

You worry me sometimes, you vacillate from desperate straights to fantastic highs.

Why did you allow yourself to get involved in this dead end relationship?

Why would you consider proposing marriage to someone that was so dependent on her mother?

Good question.

My only answer is that I had hope. That I believed in me, in that I was worth it.

That I could change what was. That I would be worth the risk.

How wrong I was. I wonder if I will ever learn.

-D

[This message edited by Defiance at 10:07 PM, August 31st (Tuesday)]

Oh D. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

That being said, I'm afraid you put yourself there. You mentioned in the beginning that she had an over controlling mother and that you were planning to propose without even a first date.

I know you care for her, you share a common passion and were hoping for a different outcome but I was kind of afraid this would happen.

I hope she decides your R is important enough to take that step.

(((Defiance)))

My only answer is that I had hope. That I believed in me, in that I was worth it.

That I could change what was. That I would be worth the risk.

47 years old and letting her mom run her life... that has nothing to do with you AT all.

Your SO has some serious issues, (you can thank me for the big news flash later).

Why are you tying your self worth to someone that has such big issues with her personal boundries and familial relationships?

What did you see in your SO that made the relationship viable for you?

I thought, mistakenly, that she really valued me enough to take the risk.

I was wrong. She wants to dictate how things go. She wants to rely on mommy to approve.

And I finally have had enough.

I told her tonight to make a choice.

No response.

She can have her mommy.

She loses me.

Her choice.

Not mine.

And I am OK with that.

Because if I am not worth the risk or the effort now, I never will be. And a relationship that depends on the approval of a parent, at our age? Is beyond all I will bear.

I would rather be alone.

Then again, I already am.

-Defiance

Because if I am not worth the risk or the effort now, I never will be. And a relationship that depends on the approval of a parent, at our age? Is beyond all I will bear.

When did you first realize that she had this dependence on her mom?

I'm not trying to be harsh, I know that this has got to be incredibly difficult for you right now.

If I'm out of line, please let me know and I will back off.

You are not out of line.

It is my own fault.

For believing.

That I could change what is. What was.

If I had been half as smart as I claim to be, I would have seen the futility.

But I had hope.

Something I will never indulge in again.

-D